Mass Exodus: Mass Symphony 3
by bluekrishna
Summary: Number 3 is up for perusal, finally. Covers the events of Mass Effect 3. All Garrus POV again.And again, certain events will be mystifying if you haven't read the last two stories and the bridging arc, so please if you have the time, take it.Rated M for pornzors and language, oh my. Angsty and romance-y.Is that a word? It is now. Becomes AU-ish around the end.
1. Chapter 1

"Garrus!" Her voice was strident, its tones bright, and a memory surfaced of that same tone in a far distant, far different place, hearing it then as he sat on a crate in a dismal apartment in crowded, corrupt Omega, mind riddled with doubt. How different it was now, instead of fear and pain, he only felt exultation bubble up in his heart. He did his best not to devour her with his eyes and reluctantly dragged his gaze from her to Corinthus as the turian saluted him.

"Vakarian, sir! I didn't see you arrive." Garrus felt slightly embarrassed as he nodded to the general, though he had no idea why he would, he'd been fielding salutes from great men for months now. Shepard watched him with deep amusement.

"At ease, general." He darted his eyes around, not sure just how...open he could be in this place. If he'd learned anything about the military, someone was always watching. With guilt, he realized Shepard was eyeing his wrist, where the token she'd given him lay in full view of just anyone. It would only take a glance at her hair to see where it came from. Corinthus had turned away as had everyone else in this small command pod, he thanked the spirits for his luck.

Shepard stepped in front of him, fidgeting a little, like she was just itching to be more than familiar with him, if not for the company of these soldiers. He felt a rush of heat as she looked into his eyes with a rueful smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eye, a sparkle that told him exactly what would happen had they been alone. She almost whispered, "You're alive."

He took her hand in one of his and placed his other over it, leaning in close enough to smell her. His heart started to pound. He fought to not drag a breath in reflexively, she smelled so good, so _Shepard, _gun oil and flowers, and he rumbled a reply, "I'm hard to kill. You should know that."

Her eyes grew bright in her face and she leaned toward him, unable to help herself or so it seemed, kept her voice carefully level as she said, "It's...good to see you again. I thought you'd be on Palaven."

Her tone said she feared he'd be on Palaven. Garrus resisted the urge to turn and look at the burning planet above them, tried not to think of his sister and father being somewhere up in that mess. He said, his voice also without inflection, "If we lose this moon, we lose Palaven. I'm the...closest damn thing to an expert on Reaper forces so I'm...advising."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the turians around him stiffen in surprise at his downplaying of his role in this whole operation. For the first time he noticed the squad Shepard had brought with her, a burly human male stepped to the fore. Shepard, somewhat abashedly, belatedly introduced her squaddie, "James, this is Garrus Vakarian. He helped me stop the Collectors. He's a helluva soldier."

"Lieutenant." Garrus could _see_ the man being drawn into her orbit. Already, she worked her magic, won this man's devotion. He just kept from grinning at the man, but they shared a look of understanding, " It's good to see you, too, Liara."

He turned to the asari, who smiled warmly. She stepped up boldly, "It's good to see you in one piece, Garrus."

A polite cough from his left drew all their attention to General Corinthus, who turned to them, "I got word. Palaven command tells me the next primarch is General Adrien Victus."

_Well, well, well,_ Garrus thought with something like amazement,_ how the tides do turn_. In his mind, he weighed the pros and cons. Overall it was a good choice. He liked the man, as more than a commander. The new primarch would have a flexible attitude towards advancing Garrus' plans here in the Heirarchy. Liara broke into his musings with a startled, "Victus, the name has crossed my desk."

Shepard turned her warm regard on him, "You know him, Garrus?"

"I was fighting alongside him this morning. Lifelong military, gets results, popular with his troops." He gave her a little smile, saying, "Not so popular with military command, has a reputation for playing loose with accepted strategy."

He heard a small snort that suspiciously seemed to come from Corinthus, but ignored it, feeling a flush of chagrin warm his neck. Shepard heard, if the flick of her eyes was any indication, "Really."

It wasn't so much a question as an observation. He turned his head slightly and spotted his entire squad of elite turian soldiers assembled behind him, not really looking at the exchange, but definitely within earshot. He swallowed, and hoped she hadn't noticed their very distinct double chevron insignia. He half heard Liara telling Shepard about the Taetrus campaign and turned to see Shepard watching him knowingly, _crap she knows something's up_. Not that it was even possible to hide anything from her, her intuition was uncanny. He coughed and picked up the story, "Then the rebels attacked the salarians and when both groups had worn each other down, Victus moved back in. Didn't lose a man. Primarch Victus, that should be something to see."

Shepard heard some of his admiration in the words and nodded, thoughts turning inward for a moment, "You think he can get the job done?"

She was pulling his opinion from him, her words wrapped in her faith in his judgment. With a touch of pride, he said, "We both know conventional strategies won't work on the Reapers. He's our best shot. And I trust him."

She nodded abruptly, smile lifting the corners of her mouth. Her comm pinged and she opened it with a press of one long finger. Garrus heard Joker's panicked voice and lifted his brows. The human squawked, "Commander, Shepard, come in!"

Shepard's brows furrowed as she replied, "Can't this wait, Joker? We're in the middle of a war zone."

"We've got a situation on the Normandy, Commander. It's like she's possessed. Shutting down systems, powering up weapons...I can't find the source." _That can't be good, _thought Garrus as he pulled out his sniper rifle. He was finding it hard to feel too much alarm over the overwhelming relief of being near Shepard again. Shepard in the meantime shot a look in Liara's direction.

"I need the Normandy standing by. We may need to bug out."

Liara straightened up, "Should I go back and take a look?"

"Do it." Those green eyes swung around to pin him in place and he barely kept from grinning madly at her, her lips twitched and she said, "Garrus, you said you were with Victus this morning?"

"Yeah, but we got separated. He went to bolster a flank that was breaking. He could be anywhere out there." He heard shuffling footsteps behind him as his squad approached almost timidly. Shepard looked past him and nodded to the men and women who obviously spun in Garrus' orbit.

She stepped closer to him, her eyes flickering with remorse. He realized she felt pained to be taking him away from his men, dragging him away from something he'd obviously sweat blood to build and he shook his head at her, telling her with his eyes that he'd been waiting, waiting for her all this time. She said softly, soft enough that no one heard but him, her eyes grateful, "Go to them. Tell them goodbye."

Garrus turned with a sigh, looking at Cicero and the rest with pride and love in his gaze. He would miss them, sorely. He walked up to them and placed his hand over every heart there, a word of encouragement for every ear. Cicero's mandibles stretched in compassion and understanding and the turian, who'd become a brother to him, who would be a strong leader in his absence placed his hand over Garrus' heart in turn. Garrus rumbled in humility as he felt the connection he had with these soldiers flare within him, fed through his hand to Cicero's heart back into his heart from Cicero's hand. "Show them the way."

"I will. They will know it." Cicero's words burned with resolution and Garrus felt a grateful flush, flashed the man a cheeky grin.

"I'll be watching you do wonders, Cicero, you and my brave lads." He turned from the heroes then and took his appointed place at Shepard's side, a place that had always been his and had long awaited for his return.

* * *

Garrus slid down the hill, watching the rocks around them for signs of movement. His eyes kept being drawn to the petite figure lightly running along the canyon floor in front of him. She moved so smoothly, like these boulders and ridges and that harsh mistress, gravity, couldn't keep her from flying, if she wanted. Maybe they couldn't, he smiled at the fanciful image of her zipping through the air, raining death on their enemies.

He caught the human, James darting sidelong looks at his profile. Between his long stares of adulation at Shepard, anyway. Garrus couldn't blame the man, she was a sight to behold. The way she'd taken down that brute, so effortlessly, had been breathtaking. Garrus had never seen a squad of less than four take one on before. He wondered if she'd encountered one before and calculated that it wouldn't have mattered anyway. He decided to take mercy on the man, who seemed about to burst for lack of saying anything, saying with amusement, "I see Shepard's still taking in strays."

"Oh, yeah? Were you one of these strays?" The lieutenant had spirit, Garrus had to give him that.

He chuffed, "One of the first, and most stylish."

Vega laughed, "Is stylish the turian word for arrogant?"

Oooh, he was going to like this human. He scratched his neck as he replied, "Well, turians _are _known for their big...egos."

The man dropped him a wink and smiled, "I get it. Got a pretty big...ego myself."

"If you boys are done flirting, I got husks up here." They sprang into action, sweeping the husks down with their assault rifles. Within moments, they had all been dispatched, the last falling to Shepard's omniblade as it got too close.

"Shit! I hate those things." There was a disdainful sneer on James' face as he caught back up to them, "And New York is crawling with the creepy bastards? Augh, I never should have left Earth."

"It's gonna be bad all over." Garrus gave the man a look of consternation as he took point.

"Leaving the fight just pisses me off." James seemed oblivious to Garrus' incredulous look. Garrus exchanged a look with Shepard, who shrugged. He wasn't very good at telling how old a human was from looking at them, but the man seemed a bit too old to have such a narrow view of the cosmos. Did the lieutenant think that the fighting here was any different from the fighting there?

Garrus couldn't just leave it at that, "But you're here asking Victus to do the same thing. Leave the fight to make nice in some boardroom."

Shepard interjected with a firm shake of her head at James, "This summit is the only chance we've got. None of us is beating the Reapers alone."

Garrus felt a wave of relief at this, the first confirmation that what he'd said to those generals on Palaven was indeed coming to pass. That he hadn't just strung them along to get them to defend their people his way. Shepard was a wonder if she could get the races together on this...unprecedented joint military effort.

They came upon a patrol of his Vagabonds investigating a downed airship. Garrus returned their salutes as they marched by. Shepard's stare heated the back of his neck, and he turned to her with a smile of helplessness on his face. He called to the men, "Have you seen General Victus?"

One, he thought the man's name was Albinius, halted, pointing south, "Half an hour ago. Heading south."

"Carry on." Garrus glanced at Shepard's bemused face.

"Just how many of your 'lads' are on this rock?" Her voice was smoothly teasing as they continued their march.

He ducked his head, feeling pride and embarrassment in equal parts, "You wanted me to prepare them, I did my best."

"And your best was?" Her tone was she was aware he was deflecting and he sighed, relenting.

"There's a squad in every outpost, on every world." Her brows lifted, clearly wanting details he was loathe to give her in the middle of this war zone. He promised her with his eyes that he'd spill all the juicy parts later. She laughed lightly and James looked from one to the other, as though he were missing something. Which he was, not that Garrus was going to enlighten him.

They picked up the pace, Garrus had a gut feeling the general was near and he probably needed help.

* * *

The outpost was deceptively quiet on the outside, no sounds of battle emanated from it and Garrus winced, hoping that Victus was still alive in there. He and Shepard looked at each other ruefully and she pulled out her shotgun. He raised a brow, thinking that getting in close was probably a bad idea and she punched him in the shoulder playfully, "C'mon, Garrus, live a little."

With a war whoop, she stormed the open door and alarmed, he raced after her, diving behind cover as the forces of their enemy opened fire. His gut flipped as he took in the sheer numbers of marauders and cannibals that were there to greet them. He popped the heads off as many of them as he could, and drew a look of consternation from Shepard as he took her kills just before she reached them. He chuckled at her expression and grinned when she stuck her tongue out at him. Oh, she was beautiful when she was angry, hell she was beautiful when she wasn't angry. Fierce gladness filled his heart as he watched her fight out there, her red hair flying about her face, its short strands catching the light.

"What the hell are you daydreaming about, Scars?" James slapped him on the back, pulling him from his reverie with a start. Garrus saw two huge shapes appear around a corner of the compound and swallowed.

"Brutes!" He yelled, opening up with an overload. Shepard was nearly caught in one of those charges and he grimaced, pulling out his Black Widow and taking aim. Shepard was too close to fire on them safely and he started to panic. His reticule bounced between the two giants, squeezing off the occasional shot but not nearly enough to put a dent in the behemoths.

"Holy shit, she's dancing with them." James' awed voice penetrated the haze of his agitation and he pulled the scope away from his eye to watch. Shepard stood at the brutes' feet, lightly dodging them as they swung heavily at her. They missed every time, instead hitting each other with ringing blows. Garrus watched in amazement as they fell in tandem, almost landing on top of her. She rolled to the side, taking a vicious hit to her shields from some marauders who'd decided to join the party.

Garrus cursed his distraction and shot those poor fuckers dead, taking their heads off neatly. He could hear Victus yelling from somewhere up ahead but concentrated on taking out enemies left and right. Finally the fight was over, for now and Garrus turned a relieved but wry grin on the lieutenant next to him, "Scars? Really? Couldn't think up anything obvious?"

"I could have gone with one of those contradictory nicknames. You know, call the fat guy 'Slim', or the tall guy 'Tiny'. Coulda went with 'Handsome'."

"Ouch, in which case, I would've started calling you 'Genius'." He laughed with the marine, whose grin was wide and sincere, "Let's just stick with Scars."

"Deal." They caught up with Shepard as she was talking with Victus, who looked at Garrus as he walked up.

"Vakarian, where did you go?" Victus raised his brow plates at him, eyes flickering with something like amusement.

"Oh, you know, clearing some trash off your back porch. It took quite some time, there was a looot of trash." Garrus cocked his hip and crossed his arms.

"Appreciate it." The general turned back to Shepard, who stepped directly in front of the turian.

She spoke, her voice professional, "General, you're needed off-planet. I've come to get you."

Victus' mandibles flexed in irritation, "It'll take something beyond important for me to leave my men, or my turian brothers and sisters, in their fight."

Garrus shifted, meeting the general's questioning stare with a steady stare of his own, let him know that this was serious with the set of his shoulders and the tone of his voice, "Fedorian was killed. You're the new primarch."

"You're needed immediately to chair a summit and represent your people in the fight against the Reapers." Her aura of command flared from her like an anima, but her voice was tinged with regret.

Victus froze for a moment, then strode past her to look at the world above them, with its cities in flames, his voice carrying softly to them where they watched the man come to terms with it, "I'm...primarch of Palaven? Negotiating for the turian heirarchy?"

"Yes." That single word rang with conviction from Shepard's mouth, making the primarch look at her astonished.

His browplates drew together as he said, "I've spent my whole life in the military. I'm no diplomat...I hate diplomats."

Shepard's facial expression said she thought he was eminently qualified and he tipped a small bow to her for the compliment. She walked toward the turian, hand on her chin thoughtfully, her whole stance saying, _We understand each other, this is what must be done, "_Honestly, uniting these races will take as much strength as facing the Reapers."

She gestured eloquently to the devastation all around them, "I need an alliance. I need the turian fleet."

He couldn't refuse, how could he in the face of her confidence. Garrus saw the primarch come to a decision, the only real decision he could have taken. Victus nodded curtly to Shepard, "Let me say goodbye to my men."

Garrus turned to Shepard, saying softly, "Without him down here, there's a good chance we'll lose this moon."

Her gaze told him she understood what she was asking of the primarch, of him. He'd not a doubt that she did and turned to gaze at his homeworld for what might be the last time. He sent a prayer to whoever might be listening that his family be safe, that this wouldn't be the end of his people. Shepard's hand brushed his and he closed his eyes against that terrible sight, trusting her was never so difficult. It was even more difficult to not hold her, to not feel her heartbeat against his, somehow he resisted the call of his soul, tried to be content to rub his knuckles ever so slightly against hers.

* * *

He'd watched Palaven until it was out of sight, from the windows of the shuttle. He knew Victus was doing the same from his seat beside him, could feel the man shudder as it passed from his sight. Shepard watched the two men over steepled fingers, her eyes clouded with emotion. James napped in typical marine fashion, anywhere and everywhere he could get it. Garrus tried not to lock his gaze on Shepard for the remainder of the flight, but it was so hard to not look at her, after all this time, his control was slipping again.

Victus tapped out some messages on his omnitool, seemed intent on the task, so Garrus relaxed marginally and just let himself look at the brilliant woman in front of him, letting a fraction of the heat he was feeling rush under his plates leak into his gaze. She responded in kind, her green eyes smoldering. Neither one moved at all, but there seemed to be a building pressure between them in these close quarters. The pilot, Cortez as he'd been introduced to Garrus, spoke up from the front, "Coming up on the Normandy."

It broke the tension and he almost gasped in its absence. She looked lost for a moment before awareness snapped her back into focus. The shuttle landed smoothly in the Normandy's cargo bay, settling with a rocking motion. Shepard threw a heatsink at the sleeping marine in the back, her careful aim making it bounce right off the man's forehead. James snorted loudly before waking, sitting up abruptly, shooting her a glare that was almost insolent, "Geez, Lola, can't a guy get some shut eye around here?"

"Unpack the shuttle, James dear. Take the primarch's belongings to the war room, and take our XO's things to the battery." With that she gestured for the two turians to follow her. Garrus returned James' incredulous stare with a shrug.

He couldn't help himself as he quipped, with a smile, "Please be careful with my bags, boy. Or no tip for you."

The marine grumbled something under his breath. Garrus leaned toward him, "What was that, lieutenant?"

"Yes, sir, I was just commenting that, sir, I might've been a child once, but I weren't never no boy." The marine trudged through the shuttlebay, loaded down with boxes and bags, tossing one last 'sir' over his shoulder which made Garrus want to laugh, but considering the seriousness of the situation and the odd, pinched look on Victus' face, he left off. There was a time and a place, after all.

The elevator was as slow as ever. Garrus wondered if they'd ever upgrade that little inconvenience, even the engineers in charge of the retrofit must have seen how damned frustrating it was waiting while this box took its sweet ass time. Victus shuffled impatiently and Shepard gave him a look of understanding, saying, "I used to bring a book in here with me, to pass the time."

Garrus gave her an amused look and Victus chuckled sourly, "I thought the elevators on the Citadel were bad, at least they had the excuse of having to go fifty-sixty floors in either direction."

"I didn't mind so much." Garrus rubbed the back of his neck, putting an expression of nostalgia on his face, "Had some of the best conversations in my life in those elevators, and in this one. Ever had to debate existential philosophy with a hanar? It's...enlightening."

Shepard chortled softly, "I bet the wonders of the universe unfolded for you."

"Strange how being trapped in a 8x8 box makes one's thought turn inward." He looked at her askance, grinning, "Okay, not so strange."

Victus watched them banter back and forth with a flicker of something close to yearning in his eyes, he closed them and shook his head slightly. Garrus pretended not to notice. The doors opened and the three of them walked into CIC, Garrus stole a look around. Not much seemed to be different really, paint job was different, it had a more utilitarian feel to it, more military, less private sector. Garrus wondered if they let Joker keep his damn leather chair. They headed to the right and Garrus was startled to see that the research lab and the armory were gone, all to create this war room, which filled the space before him with monitors and stations and maps.

He could see that this Normandy was going to be more like the original Normandy, there was no question of tainted loyalties here, it was run with clean military precision and a part of him rejoiced even as a part of him was missing all the ones who used to be here. Mordin, Thane, Kasumi, all the rest. He wondered where they were now. What they were doing, if they were safe. How ridiculous, none of them were safe. Not in these dark times.

No doubt they were having an impact, whatever they were doing. Not a one of them could do less. Not now, after being with Shepard. As her purposes, which had once been so impenetrably unfathomable, had become clearer, Garrus was forever being filled with revelation as each...layer became understandable, showed him how wondrously complex her mind was and how shockingly glad he was that she was on their side. The more he thought about it, though the more he thought it was they who were always on her side and he felt gratitude that this was the side she had chosen for them.

Garrus shook the thought off as Shepard excused herself to go speak with the asari councillor. He turned to the monitors to see exactly what resources they'd collected so far, quailed inwardly at how little there was. How much better it would seem when the krogan joined them, Garrus knew Shepard could do it, but he was filled with impatience, he thought of Palaven, and his family and closed his eyes at the scope of the thing they were trying to do. It almost seemed hopeless, but he knew better and sternly told himself that it would get sorted, that the measures he'd put in place would give his people a chance to return to Palaven someday, even if they had to wander for centuries like the quarians.

A small touch on his wrist had his eyes shooting open. Victus was fingering the braid thoughtfully, his face unreadable. Garrus held his breath for the inevitable questions or accusations, but the man just smiled, "I'd wondered. It's so soft."

Garrus resisted yanking it out of the turian's reach, felt like the man was almost fondling Shepard, by the tone of his voice. Sadly, Victus pulled his hand back, looking at the younger turian's clenched mandibles and nodded an apology, the primarch coughed, "The color is remarkable. So like fire, like a manifestation of her inner spirit."

Garrus smiled at the image, like Shepard couldn't contain all of her passion and conviction and it had to come out in her appearance, somehow. It was a charming thought, "She's definitely full of fire, and life."

"The humans have a saying, 'burning the candle at both ends', it makes for more light, but less candle, until eventually, long before it should...both are gone." Victus said sadly. Garrus' mouth dried at the implication, felt a surge of panic at the thought that she would burn herself out for them. It held the ghost of premonition in its embrace. Victus put his hand over his and patted it paternally, saying softly, "I notice she doesn't have an answering token on her wrist. It's best not to let these things lie undone, that's how the deepest regrets are begot."

Garrus trembled at the power in the primarch's words, and gave the man a beseeching look. _Don't say any more, please...it won't be, I won't let it be._

Victus turned from him then and he drew a sigh of relief, tried to batter back his unease. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Victus' shoulders slump slightly. There was a story there, a painful one. For another time, it seemed, as Shepard came back into the room and he felt a fleeting pang as he looked at her. She seemed to burn even brighter to him and he closed his eyes to it. She came around the maps toward Victus and gave Garrus a curious look and he did his best to hide his misgivings behind a wan smile.

He asked her to be excused with his eyes and she nodded, turning from him to talk to the primarch. Garrus retreated to the battery, losing himself and his disquieting thoughts in the task of reacquainting himself with the Normandy's weapon systems.


	2. Chapter 2

She found him, as he knew she would. The work he'd done had chased away his trepidation and he looked at her in loving regard. She looked around as if this was the first time she'd seen the retrofit in this room, which in all likelihood was true. There was no need for her to go to a place in the ship that had no one in it. And this area had clearly been waiting for him. She looked around with interest as he finished up his calibrations. She shot him a mischievous look, "Garrus, didn't waste any time getting to work, I see."

"After what I've been through lately, calibrating a giant gun is a vacation." Garrus took a step toward her, his visor reading a hike in her pulse. He spread his mandibles in pleasure that his mere presence could unsettle this formidable woman so. She challenged his stare and took a step of her own, which made him swallow reflexively, feeling his own heart start to flutter. He could almost reach her, could lunge forward to satisfy his need to touch her now, but held it in check ...barely. He could play, if she wanted to play, "Gives me...focus."

Color flushed her neck, creeping slowly up to her face. He watched it climb with interest, imagining feeling it warm that smooth skin under his hands and he quaked with desire. Her voice rolled over him in a soft purr, "We're going to need you for more than your aim."

"Oh, I'm ready for it." He took another step, close enough to smell that heady Shepard smell and a sort of growl, deep in his chest, started unbidden. Her pupils dilated in the soft light of the battery. She shivered as she tilted her head up to look at him, her soft lips parting ever so slightly, her pink tongue flicking out to wet them. He wanted to devour that mouth, feel her moan into his, but he refused to be the first one to break. "But I'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns...and lots of them."

Her eyes flicked downwards and he nearly moaned, feeling the plates over his manhood loosen with startling ease. She stepped that last step that had them scant inches apart and softly said, "I can't argue with that."

He loomed over her, closer still, his eyes locked on hers, filling his whole field of vision with her face and he _ached_ with the strain of not touching her, watched the hair that had drifted across her brow move with his breath, feeling a wicked grin cross his face, "Right, so...is this the part where we...shake hands? Wasn't sure what the protocol on reunions was. Or even if you-"

Shepard's eyes rolled back into her head and with a moan that was pure lust, she pressed her lips over his mouthplates, her hands pulling his face down to hers. He felt a triumphant bubble rise in his chest and pulled her close by her waist, his arms hungry for her, crushed her against his armored chest. His thoughts flew apart like scattered birds as he slid his tongue into her mouth, her sweet taste just like he remembered. Her body he stroked, feeling its softness beneath that uniform, everywhere he could reach while still kissing her, he never wanted to stop. His cock twitched and grew harder as he fought the buttons on the front of her shirt, he'd just gotten the first one sorted out when the lights dimmed in the battery.

She pushed him away with alarm and he reached for her, his blood like fire in his veins, unmindful of whatever emergency might be afoot now. Barely heard Joker's voice come over the shipwide comms, "Commander, EDI just went off line."

"What do you mean, off line?" Her voice, annoyed at the interruption finally made Garrus cool his ardor with a deep shaky breath. He wiped his brow and tried to adjust his lower armor until he was fully retracted, which wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"I don't know, she's not responding, and I can't access the AI Core diagnostics. You better get down to deck 3."

Garrus snorted, almost said she was already on deck 3 when her hand came up to caress his mandibles. He leaned into it with a rumble, nipped at her thumb. She threw him a look that was three parts desperate longing and one part apology and left, the door sliding closed behind her. Garrus collapsed against a bulkhead, still sweating inside his armor. Her scent clung to his skin and he breathed it in, wondering how long it would be until she came back.

A shower, that's what he needed, a nice cold shower. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had one, wondered for a moment if he stank, being on the battlefield on Menae for so long. If he did, Shepard hadn't seemed to mind, but nevertheless, he felt the sudden need to shower, his plates itchy and hot. Grabbing a towel and his spare underarmor, he headed to the crew bathroom, stripping his armor there and laying it in a neat pile on a bench. Garrus placed his visor on the edge of a sink. He started the water, as cold as it could get and hissed as he slid under the spray. It did indeed help with the burning lust that still prompted his cock to try to emerge, and he squelched all thoughts of Shepard and the way she tasted until those feelings subsided.

Despite his resolve, he turned the water over to hot, being chilled to the bone now and rumbled happily as the hot water pounded the plates of his face. Mist filled the small room, occluding vision, filling his lungs with welcome steam. He'd just started soaping up when the door slid open and he mumbled a greeting at whoever entered. The steam was very thick, so he couldn't see who it was, but he heard a distinct clacking noise on the decking, familiar somehow. Just as his mind worked out that it was the sound Miranda made as she walked, a very feminine but metallic face thrust itself around the partition of his shower. Garrus jumped back ten feet, heart pounding and yelled, "Holy fuck!"

He scrabbled for a weapon, anything, ending up with a backscrubber raised like a club. The...mech raised its hands disarmingly, EDI's voice rolling out of it evenly, "XO Vakarian, I didn't mean to startle you."

"What the hell, EDI?! The _fuck_ is this?!" He roared it at her, anger replacing the fear he'd been flooded with. He shook the backscrubber at her, flinging soap towards her unflinching face. A foamy sud splatted on her cheek and she wiped it off, looking curiously into her palm as it dissolved.

She turned an impassive gaze on him and her eyes roamed over his form with all the interest of a doctor taking someone's blood pressure. The implied intimacy of this situation made him want to duck back behind the wall though, oddly shy, considering there wasn't really anything to _show_ per se, "I was...exploring. This new body sees things differently than my old optics do, it is...intriguing."

Her stare was making him extremely uncomfortable and he glared at her, "For future reference, this is the _men's_ room. And you might not be strictly female, but being shaped like that, you should probably steer clear."

"Oh, I'm making you uncomfortable. That was not my intent." The corners of her mouth lifted and he had a flash of insight that she wasn't as oblivious as she seemed. "I will go. I apologize for interrupting your shower."

When she left, he breathed a sigh of relief and stared at the backscrubber in his hands, shrugging and using it to scrub his back. He kept his eyes peeled for more interruptions as he showered, so he wouldn't be caught by surprise again. So, EDI had a body now. He smiled crookedly when he thought about what that meant for Joker. Trouble, more than likely. He was musing to himself while dressing when James sauntered into the restroom, miming a gun cocked at him, "Scars."

"Vega." Garrus heard the man start to whistle as he walked to the urinal.

"Have you seen EDI?" James' voice had a leer in it. "If Shepard starts takin' her on missions, I'm gonna be just a little distracted...well, more distracted."

Garrus decided to tease the marine, knowing he was talking about Shepard, "Look, I know I'm hot, but I don't swing that way so keep your eyes off _this_ sweet keister."

"What, I'm not good enough for you, is that what you're saying, Vakarian? That's sad, cuz spiky dinosaurs really do it for me." James zipped back up, and turned to wash his hands in the sink, a cocky grin on his face, "Don't know what you're missing out on."

"I don't know what a 'dinosaur' looks like and I'm sure I'm not missing out on much." He laughed at the look on James' face and continued, "If you make too many googley eyes in Shepard's direction, she's liable to snatch them right out of your skull. Fair warning."

James looked horrified for a moment before realizing Garrus was kidding, and ran his hand through his short hair, "Wouldn't put it past her, Lola's a feisty one. Definitely wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that shotgun she's always toting around."

"No kidding. Saw her take out a thresher maw with one once." Garrus felt amusement at the incredulous stare the man leveled on him, "In a mako."

"Aw, seriously? I love the mako, damn things can climb for days."

"Huh, love is not the word I would have used, but to each his own." Garrus gathered his armor up in his hands and winced at the smell of unwashed cloth. It did indeed smell, now that he was clean, he couldn't miss it. And he'd almost inflicted it on Shepard, not exactly...romantic. Good thing they'd been interrupted, then. "Did you spend a lot of time under her command on Earth?"

"Well, her rank had been stripped, I was more or less her jailor. Armed escort was the official title. Someone had to watch her round the clock, sometimes though, I could have sworn someone was sneaking in to see her." James scratched his head and Garrus envied him the time he'd spent with her. Six whole months he'd never get back, but he'd been doing something worthy so it was...okay. Well not really, but it had to be done. The human was watching him closely, so he schooled his expression into one of polite interest.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, like there was this one time I left the room for some coffee, it was when I was still getting used to the long hours, so I was beat, needed a pick me up. She'd seemed down all day, but I don't ask you know, was told not to. They said I didn't have the clearance and she respected that, so we didn't talk much. But that week she'd been really depressed, you know, whatever the brass said in the debriefings must have gotten to her. She was in debriefings almost every day, gave me time for some shut eye." James was clearly one of those rambling storytellers and Garrus waved his hand, trying to get the man's attention back to the gist of the story, which he did with a cough, "Well, I came back with the coffee and she was smiling, like beaming. That's when I noticed the flowers on her nightstand, nice ones all tied around with a blue ribbon. Roses and jasmine, she said, only I never seen roses that vibrantly red before. They almost glowed."

Garrus was slightly alarmed, "Roses don't glow?"

His tone gave away too much and he snapped his mouth shut on any unwise words. James shot him a quick look, far too shrewd for his liking and continued, "Maybe if you grow them in Chernobyl. I never said anything to the higher ups but I asked around, discreetly, and there weren't any deliveries while I was gone. It's a fuckin' mystery."

"Hmmm." He nodded, but inwardly he sent a silent thanks to Thane, whose word was as good as gold. Anything to bring her joy in that dismal confinement, was a blessing. "Well, I gotta go, got things to take care of. Later, Vega."

"Later, Scars."

Garrus thought about what the marine had told him and felt a joy grow in him. She'd liked the flowers, they'd made her happy, he'd bring her to Palaven after all this crap was over and show her the garden. Garrus wandered through the ship, doing much as EDI had done, just seeing where all the changes were wrought. It seemed the refit wasn't quite complete, there were pipes and conduit all over, just exposed. There were crewmen, who saluted as he passed, working on the unfinished sections. He found Liara in Miranda's old office, she'd stripped it down to bare walls, walls she'd covered in monitors. It was reminiscent of that ship on Hagalaz where they'd ousted the old Shadow Broker. A bed was set up in the back, the only nod to comfort in the whole room.

Liara turned to him with a smile of welcome, "Garrus. No armor today?"

He looked down at his black underarmor and smiled sheepishly, "It's dirty, left it in the battery til I get to it. So, how's it going, Shadow Broker?"

"You sound like Glyph before I fixed him." The VI flitted around his head, its glow shining in his eyes. He resisted batting it out of the air and it flew away from him to hover near a terminal. "Glyph, you remember Garrus Vakarian, don't you?"

"Yes, Dr. T'soni. Welcome, XO Vakarian." Garrus watched her type messages into her terminal for a while and stood over her shoulder to read one.

"Cerberus labs? R&D for what exactly?"

"We're not sure yet, but considering what we saw on Mars, nothing good." Hmmm, a mystery, he usually loved a mystery, but he had a feeling he wasn't going to like what they found out. Not that that would stop them at all, it was inexcusable not to know.

"What happened on Mars? Cerberus obviously, but why were they there?"

Liara waved one hand almost excitedly, "There were designs for a Prothean device. Something we think will stop the Reapers, for good."

His brows rose in surprise, "That's good news, Liara. Seems a little convenient to find a superweapon now, though. Why not before, if its been on Mars this whole time?"

"Goddess knows, Garrus. I'm just glad we've found it now, maybe we'll actually be able to finish it before the Reapers decimate our forces to the point of irrelevancy." She shuddered, thinking about all the lives that were even now flaring out of existence in the face of this apocalypse. Garrus could see overwhelming concern that it won't be enough flitting around in her eyes and gave her a quick hug.

"Shepard will sort it out, you'll see." It was an old phrase, but one that still held its power and the asari relaxed, tossing him a grateful grin.

He puttered about for a bit, reading intel she had on her machines and bowed out, excusing himself. It was food for thought, this massive undertaking happening somewhere out there in space. His imagination gave shape to a vision of millions of different peoples pulling this thing together. He was just passing the galley when a voice stopped him dead in his tracks, "Where you going, Vakarian?"

Shepard leaned on a counter, arms crossed over her chest, a cup of some steaming liquid on the laminated surface next to her. He ambled up to her, noting that there were quite a few crewmen milling around and thought what a shame they weren't alone, the things he'd like to do. He hopped up on the counter across from her and said, "Oh, you know, gonna go clean my armor. It got pretty dirty on that moon, there's not exactly running water up there."

She also eyed the crewmen that kept her from tackling him and he felt a delicious shiver as her eyes took on a feral light, "I've got some armor for you downstairs if you'd like to walk with me."

"Of course, Commander. Lead the way." Was he imagining her swaying her hips like that? Or that little bounce in her step? They'd just gotten into the lift when he pounced on her, hands all over her delightful curves and loving her sounds of encouragement as she also ran her fingers over every exposed piece of skin she could get her hands on. He lifted her up to settle her around his waist and just looked at her for a moment, a talon tracing the graceful curve of her jaw, all the way down her neck. The words, the ones he'd never dared say, almost escaped him, only held back by her speaking first.

"Oh, you are going to pay, Garrus." Her tone was low and seductive and he looked at her, with her bright eyes and flushed cheeks. Bucked his hips into her helplessly. He hissed as she rolled her hips over his erect member, its sensitive tip feeling the blazing heat of her sex.

He gasped, "What did_ I_ do?"

"All those dreams, Garrus. I'd wake up all hot and bothered and my fingers just couldn't do the job. You've ruined me, turian." Her words were like fuel on the fire of his ardor and he trembled at the image of her pleasuring herself while thinking of him. He whimpered as she slid her tongue in his mouth. She pulled back to fix him with a glittering stare, "I blame you for all those nights, feeling your breath on my neck, hearing you say my name, it was torture."

Garrus whispered, "Jane..."

She shuddered under his hands, breath coming in quick gasps, he wondered briefly if he could make her cum just like this, with just his voice and tucked the enticing thought behind the more immediate concern that if she didn't get her pants off right now, he was going to rip them off, damn the consequences. EDI's voice called him back to himself as it chimed, "Commander, your imminent arrival on the cargo deck in your current compromised state..."

Garrus yelped, "Has she been watching this whole time? Even...before?"

Jane, who looked flushed with embarrassment, smoothed her hair back just as the doors opened. Garrus turned away to hide his tented trousers and nearly hissed in pain as his cock gingerly retreated, angry at him for stopping...again. Cortez looked up in greeting, waving a hand to them. He returned it, noting that there was a flicker of humor on that man's face he hoped had nothing to do with Shepard's rosy complexion or his clenched mandibles. Shepard walked toward the man, and shook his hand, nonchalantly, "I hear you have the turian armors in that I requisitioned."

"Indeed I do, Commander. Right this way." The pilot showed them the latest shipment and Garrus looked at the two sets of armor there for him with something like glee. Shepard ran a hand over one of the chestguards and Garrus couldn't quite suppress a shiver, drawing a curious glance from Cortez.

"Uh, turians get cold easy." It wasn't a lie, he told himself, it was in fact a truth, just one unrelated to the current cause of his discomfort. Cortez turned away, satisfied with the easy answer.

"I even got in your Terminus armor." He pulled each piece out for her, laying out with something like reverence. It glowed with oily blackness, with red lights all over it, highlighting seams and she picked up the helmet, making a disapproving sound.

"Can't use it." Her lips were pressed in a line, and her brow furrowed with something like regret.

Cortez, shocked said, "Why not? This is damn good armor."

"I hate full face helmets, I can barely stand being in one for EVA." She put the helmet down with disappointment, "The way these are wired up, the shields don't work without one, so it's no good for me. Guess I'll just stick with the old stand-by, good old N7, at least I won't have to wear the helmet and bullets will still bounce off me."

"Guess we'll just keep these for a rainy day." With remorse, Cortez packed the armor back up, stowing it in a crate under his workstation.

Shepard's omnitool pinged and Garrus groaned internally, thinking_, Spirits, what now?_

Her expression said something similar, "Traynor, what is it?"

"You have an urgent message from Alliance Command on your private terminal, Commander."

"Send it to my omnitool." Shepard read silently, her brows quirking up at whatever it was that the message contained. Her lips twisted down just a fraction and she flicked a look at Garrus, who sighed and started pulling on armor. She opened her comm link again, eyes already distant, "Liara, suit up and come down to cargo."

"I'll be right there, Shepard."

Garrus cursed the mission that had just landed in their lap, hoping his libido would allow him to shoot straight in the oncoming fight. He turned to Shepard, who eyed him up and down appreciatively, he rolled his eyes at her, with a flick of his mandibles, _you're not helping_, "Where are we headed to?"

"Eden Prime." There were ghosts in her eyes, flitting around the edges. "Strange, how it all comes back around."

He'd thought the same more than once and nodded in complete understanding. Her face grew thoughtful, and he waited for more, to be let in on those brilliant thoughts he knew were flitting back and forth in there like the colorful fish in her tank upstairs. But she turned and walked to the shuttle, running her hands through her hair, leaving him to walk in her wake, where the scent of her was driving him mad._ Oh, that is so not fair._


	3. Chapter 3

Eden Prime was beautiful. Despite all the ugly squat prefab buildings that littered the place. He breathed the air in deeply, seeing why the humans had so much pride in this place. He readied his weapons, thinking that it was tragic that there were no people, not a single colonist alive near the digsite. Shepard seemed almost dazed as she walked toward the excavation. Garrus felt for her, knowing that it must seem uncanny to be back in this place, the place where events had started snowballing down the mountain of causality.

He felt a flash of rage at the Illusive Man. How dared he believe he had humanity's best interest at heart, he must be mad, howling, climbing the walls, not allowed to use a fork, insane. His mandibles hurt where they were clenched so close to his face and he took another breath, running easily alongside Shepard and Liara as they made their way among the buildings. He pulled at the edge of a big hole, obviously part of the digsite. Shepard pointed out to the structures that had been unearthed, "Look at that. Bits of Prothean tech just sticking out of the ground like an old bone."

"So, Liara, ever dug up one of those, what do the humans call it...a dinosaur?" He looked at the asari sidelong, noting how her eyes devoured those struts and columns like a child with sweets. She was concentrating so hard, their little Shadow Broker, that he couldn't resist.

"No, dinosaurs and other fossils would be paleontology. I'm an archaeologist, I study artifacts left by sapient species. The two fields are completely different..." Finally, she dragged her eyes away from the objects of her fascination to take in his amused smirk and frowned slightly in consternation, "Oh, you were...joking."

"A bit. But at least you're catching on these days." He bumped her shoulder, chuckling at her stern expression, looking past her into Shepard's smiling face, "Shepard, what is a dinosaur anyway?"

"Giant lizards, anywhere from a few meters long to hundreds of meters long. They ruled prehistoric Earth, millions of years ago. People think they either got killed by a giant asteroid, or evolved into birds." She spoke as she moved and Garrus took in the commentary while watching her hips sway. _Mmmm, that's nice. _Liara caught him staring avidly and her eyes danced in silent laughter.

Shepard moved ahead of them into one of the buildings, probably looting and Liara turned a crooked smile in his direction, "You still haven't-? You've been on the ship for nearly a whole day. What are you waiting for?"

He peered down at her, slightly annoyed that she felt the need to pry and ran a hand over his fringe, "Opportunity. Not as easy to find as you'd think."

Liara chuckled, "You know, I was a little worried when she found me on Mars and Kaiden was with her, but seeing her face on Menae, well..."

"Spirits, it was that obvious? Did anyone else notice?" Garrus was genuinely distressed that the turians he'd commanded on Palaven's moon had seen through his intentions so easily. He'd changed them a lot, but he didn't know if the burden of their belief could take the weight of this revelation. How would it affect the plan? Wait, Kaiden was with her? He echoed this thought out loud and Liara nodded.

"He got injured during the fight, almost died. She had to take him to the Citadel, to the hospital there." Liara cut off whatever else she was going to say as Shepard exited the building and nodded to them, dragging them in her wake as she further explored the compound. There was an expanse of decking that spanned outward over the excavation and Liara thrust an arm out to indicate the terminal on the end of it, "There. That's the elevator that leads down into the digsite."

Shepard leaned over the edge while Liara fiddled with the monitors, her hands moving deftly over the keys. Garrus watched her back straighten with shock and silently prepared himself for whatever she was about to say, "Goddess, it doesn't seem possible. It's not a Prothean artifact, it's...a prothean."

"Like the collectors, or those bodies we found back on Ilos." Garrus could see a gleam of intrigue in both women's eyes, not that he was unaffected by this remarkable discovery. Shepard's thoughts turned inwards as the stasis pod, which looked unsettlingly like a casket, rose from the bottom of the pit to rest before them on the lift platform. He could imagine her turning over the possibilities in her mind.

Liara said, agreeing with the latter, "Like the bodies we found back on Ilos...but this one is alive."

Shepard's eyes burned with curiosity and, if he had to name it, hope. "This one still has power."

It was a statement that reverberated on the still air and one that seemed to galvanize her into motion, she almost seemed to vibrate inside her skin. Garrus watched calmly, as Shepard asked Liara pointed questions about protheans and their society. In his mind's eye, he saw this empire the asari spoke of stretched from one end of the galaxy to the other and thought hard about what it would take to engender such a thing. These might not be the diplomats and saviors that Liara hoped they would be. A look he exchanged with Shepard told him she thought much the same.

But no matter, it was a puzzle and Shepard could not leave it alone til it was solved, it was against her very nature. A new plan was outlined and the roar of a shuttle's engine above them drew his attention sharply. His eyes focused on the Cerberus logo painting its hatch and called out, "There they are!"

Shepard pulled out her sniper rifle, which he noted was the new Valiant, good choice. He reluctantly dragged his gaze from her when tiny figures appeared on the top of one of those buildings out there. He recognized the silhouette, they were Cerberus snipers, like the ones he'd encountered a few weeks back on a turian colony. As he scoped in, he saw one go down under a barrage of fire from Shepard. He popped the head off the other one with his Black Widow and said as an aside to the redheaded warrior next to him, "You've been practicing."

"Not much else to do in the brig. Only had Vega there to compete against though, it was sad, he's pretty ham-fisted when it comes to sniping." Her one eye that he could see winked at him as she swung the barrel of her weapon to the right. More troops were converging on them, using smoke bombs to obscure their position.

"_Vega's_ ham-fisted, huh? I seem to recall Thane telling me something about a certain human commander who was all thumbs with a Viper." He laughed at her face, which grew flustered with chagrin.

"Oh, and I suppose you were always the pinnacle of perfection at it?"

"Hey, I was always good, it just took time to polish this gemstone." Garrus dropped into cover to let his shields regen, something out there had laid down a turret. He saw Shepard change her ammo and knew she was about bring down its shields so he got ready. As soon as she let loose and dropped back down to avoid the hail of bullets, he leaned around his barricade and fired one devastating bullet that tore right through the thing, and the engineer behind it. As the man dropped dead, he turned a wild grin on Shepard, who blew a kiss in his direction. Heat rushed under his plates and he struggled to regain focus on the mission, leaping over his cover to make sure all their enemies had been eliminated.

A couple bodies floated around in a singularity out there but the area was clear, for now. He prodded the corpse of one of those snipers with his foot, even the body types were the same among the different classes of Cerberus soldier, he wondered if they were clones. Liara and Shepard drew up next to him to consider the bodies, and Liara said, "Alliance command has these designated as 'nemesis'."

"Cool name. What does it mean?"

"Divine retribution." Shepard reached down to pull off its mask. A female face ruined by cybernetics, almost husk-like was revealed and Garrus shuddered involuntarily as Shepard continued in a deadly little whisper filled with rage, "But I think the creator of these was far from divine."

She looked ready to deliver some retribution of her own and he swallowed back a tiny little spike of fear in the heat of her burning gaze, "Are they clones?"

Shepard shook her head, grimacing in anger and sorrow, "They've been...repurposed, made to fit a mold."

"Just like the Collectors." He quailed at the implications. The Illusive Man had fallen far indeed.

They came upon a door, encoded and he stood guard as Shepard used her omnitool to unlock it. A quick look inside and he nodded to her that it was clear. There were monitors in here, showing a wall of static to his eyes. Shepard's hands flew over the keys as Liara checked the databanks to their left. He grew alarmed as Shepard's whole body went stiff, "Shepard."

He reached for her and Liara held his hand back, "I don't think it's hurting her."

Liara was staring into Shepard's face and Garrus shifted around the woman until he could see it, too. Green fire flickered unnaturally in the depths of her eyes, eerily and he waited with bated breath for her to return from wherever she'd gone. That few seconds was like an eternity to him and he let out a sigh of relief as awareness stole over her features again. She licked her lips and said, "I've got the signal."

"You understood that?" Liara said in thoughtful tones. "All we saw was static."

"The prothean cipher..." Garrus saw pain flicker over Shepard's face, just for a second and Liara gave her a rueful smile, slightly envious.

On the other side of the compound, after fighting more Cerberus troops, with multiple engineers with them this time, they found another console and a repeat of the episode that had concerned him so. He used the time to ponder with remorse about how he'd baited the Illusive Man on how badly run his training installation had been, well, the human had certainly upped his game. These troops were almost formidable, would be for anyone other than Shepard, who already seemed to know their weaknesses and exploited them with brutal efficiency. He made a note to himself to have some of his men on Menae, when they could do no more there, go investigate worlds and shut down any Cerberus training grounds they could find.

Shepard came back to herself and he asked, quietly, "What did you see, in there?"

She turned those green eyes with the eerie fire still flickering in them on him and said, "Images...memories. And emotions, mostly anger, raw anger."

They made their way back to the sarcophagus, met and defeated heavy resistance, where they hoped a piece of the puzzle of their past could be resurrected. Garrus watched with wonder as, with a few press of the buttons on the side of the pod, the whole top split and opened. A waft of air filled with the ancient past blew past his face. It smelled of spices and ozone, strange. Inside lay an obviously male alien in red armor, face frozen in unnatural sleep.

Liara turned to Shepard, "It may take some time for him to fully regain consciousness."

The trio leaned over the prothean, curiosity making them incautious. Garrus watched the being's four eyes blink in confusion, unable to focus on them properly. Finally some cognizant thoughts seemed to present themselves in those strange pupils and they flicked to each face in alarm. The lips pulled back to reveal sharp predator's teeth and greenish light started to emanate from him. Garrus had just enough time to think, _uh oh that can't be good._

And they were flung back to the ground by a biotic blast. Garrus landed with an 'oof', rolling back to his feet in a ready crouch, carefully not pointing his weapon anywhere near the prothean, but ready if it was needed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the others do the same. But all his attention was on that newly awakened creature stumbling out of his crypt, looking extremely uncoordinated as he did so. The prothean fell to his knees and struggled to stand, backing away from them with a glare. He tried to run, but soon stumbled again, anger at his disability painted all over his face.

Garrus looked at Shepard, who walked toward that man who'd paused at the edge of the landing, gazing across the excavation with bewilderment. Watched her touch his shoulder, unmindful of Liara's shouted warning, and they both froze, like they were locked in stasis. It was something akin to what had happened in the rooms where she'd found the keys to his pod. Garrus shifted nervously from one foot to another, he felt helpless, but he made sure that he had plenty of heatsinks should they snap out of this...reverie, and the alien was intent on violence.

With a gasp, they both went limp. The prothean fell to his knees once again and Garrus reached out to steady Shepard, who seemed likely to join him. She leaned into him for support and whispered, "Vengeance...Fifty thousand years and all he dreamed of was vengeance."

There was a kind of fascinated horror in her voice and he felt a pang of alarm at the sight of her pale and pasty face, so white against her bloodred hair. A voice, deep and flanging, floated to them from where the prothean kneeled, "How many others?"

Liara went to him, trying to help him up and he yanked his arm out of her hands, she said with awe, "Just you. You can understand us?"

"Yes. Now that I have read...her physiology, her nervous system, enough to understand your language." He stood then and turned a look of contempt on Shepard, who'd regained her stoic mien and stared back impassively. Garrus watched a battle of wills occur between the two of them and felt pride when this ancient being looked away first. The prothean looked out at the wreckage of his civilization and those shoulders slumped slightly, he turned slightly to affix each of them with a haughty glare, "Asari, human...turian. I am surrounded by primitives."

Garrus bridled a bit at that, it was clear that this guy was going to be a barrel of laughs. Shepard took a step toward the prothean, "It's not safe here. Will you join us?"

"You fight the Reapers?"

"Yes." Utter conviction in her tone made a unrecognizable emotion flash in that being's four eyes. Something like awe.

Then his countenance hardened, his tone dripped with doubt, "We shall see."

* * *

He didn't like the prothean, Javik, as he called himself. Garrus didn't like the condescension that dripped from that man's lips every time he opened his mouth, Garrus didn't like the fact that Liara jumped through hoops to make Javik comfortable and only got contemptuous dismissal for her efforts, and he especially didn't like the way the prothean talked to Shepard, or looked at her. Their conversations, the ones he was present for any way, were affairs of tense hostility as each fought for dominance. They fenced with words, trying to draw blood with every remark. Not that he had any worries as far as that was concerned, Shepard more than held her own. Oftentimes, he had to suppress a smirk as a well placed insult hit its mark, unerringly, making the prothean tremble with anger.

And this apparition from the distant past always came back for more. He monopolized a lot of Shepard's time between her debriefings with questions on how different this cycle was from his cycle, the meetings came with increasing frequency as the campaign progressed. They were due to be at the summit in two days and Garrus was getting antsy. Palaven burned and he was eager to get her people the assistance they sorely needed.

There'd been no time to catch up with Shepard, they were never in the same place at the same time. He had so much to do, coordinating strikes from this ship. He thanked the spirits for the QE comm and its instantaneous transmissions, without it the delay in orders could have doomed his men a thousandfold over. The primarch did what he could on the diplomatic front, but it fell to Garrus to make the heavy military decisions. He'd laugh at the strangeness of it all, if he didn't know that these were strange times and that his own strangeness was what could save his people. He wondered at that briefly, then laughed a short bitter laugh.

He passed Liara in the halls and noticed that her color was high and her eyes bright with what looked like tears. Garrus hands clenched,_ that damn prothean. _He resolved to have a...talk with that bastard. It was time someone did.

He put off another meeting with Cicero and headed down to the engineering deck, taking a deep breath before palming the lock, hoping the spirits would grant him the strength not to strangle the insufferable prick. Javik stood at that basin of water they'd put in his room, back to the door, he was talking to someone over the comms, "So you're saying they survived into this cycle?"

Liara's voice filtered over the comms, Garrus wondered if he should go, not really wanting to be accused of eavesdropping, but steadfastly reminded himself why he was here, "Yes, we called them Collectors, they fought for the Reapers. For a long time no one knew they were prothean."

"And when did you realize?" The man's voice was curious with an undertone of pain. Garrus fought the sympathy that welled up in him.

"Shepard had no choice but to destroy the ones she'd encountered. They were all indoctrinated. And had been for a long time." Liara's voice was filled with the same sympathy that was threatening Garrus' resolve and he reminded himself of the tears that had just been in her eyes. He was then shocked at the prothean's next words.

"I am grateful. It was an act of mercy." And it was sincere. Those broad shoulders bowed and Garrus couldn't help it any more. He would stay to say a few words, now that his presence had been noticed, then leave, but so help him, if this asshole kept it up, he wasn't going to be responsible for what he did.

Liara spoke in the hush, "Yes, I suppose it was."

There was a long silence, then the prothean said, turning a sneer on Garrus, "I assume you had a reason to come here."

Garrus cleared his throat, "Well, I was going to give you a piece of my mind, but now, I guess...I'm sorry about what happened to your people."

"You strode in here with such resolve, and now it's so easily broken." Javik turned back to the basin, dipping his hands in the water and rubbing them together lightly, "I wonder at Shepard's decision to keep such...inconstant fools at her side in battle."

"Look, pal, you don't know me and if you did, you'd know how close you are to finding a bullet in your head right now." He mantled at the prothean, snarling the words, "So keep talking, please do."

"Do you want me to thump my chest and roar at you? Primitives..." The ire in the man's eye dimmed and they filled with a sort of fatalistic cheer as he watched the turian struggle for restraint, "Attack me then, turian. If control is so far beyond you."

Garrus had a flash of insight then, and it quelled his rage utterly. Another one, another...broken one, how did Shepard find them so easily? "This how your people converse? How _civilized,_ the equivalent of primates throwing their own filth."

The prothean stepped toward him threateningly, trying to goad him but seeing that Garrus had no intention of committing violence, he turned away with a snarl, "You are beneath notice. Tell Shepard to keep her pets on a leash."

"You will respect everyone aboard this ship, prothean." Garrus put force behind the words, letting it coil around him like a cloak. He could feel it buffet the prothean, who swayed slightly. Javik shot him a puzzled glare, his lips drawn back from sharp teeth.

"Respect must be earned." The words were curtly short, almost snapping,

"That will happen, be assured. But if you make Liara cry again, I'll airlock you and you'll join the rest of your race in extinction." There was deadly promise in his tone, Garrus laid a flat stare right into the man's eyes. He saw a flicker of acquiescence and softened his regard, marginally.

"Your...concern for your crewmates is touching." The sarcastic comment lacked the edge of contempt most of his dialogue had possessed, "But if you try to airlock me, you're in for a nasty surprise. In my cycle, being airlocked merely meant the inconvenience of finding another unlocked airlock."

Confused, Garrus thought about this, was it some kind of lame prothean joke? Or was he serious, "Breathe in space, do you? Well, I can always come up with a creative solution for that."

That sneer was back, "Why do you plague me with your presence, Vakarian? Do you not have constructive things to do?"

"Ooo, I do have a name, for a second there, I'd almost forgotten it. Thank you for reminding my primitive brain." He poured sarcasm into his tone liberally and Garrus ducked out as the air filled with invectives and profanities, well he guessed they were profanities, seeing as he didn't understand too many of them. He stuck his head back in and scowled at Javik, who paused in his tirade, "Okay, that last one isn't even physically possible."

As the door closed, Garrus heard the most intriguing sound. Was that a...chuckle? Will wonders never cease indeed. Maybe there was hope.


	4. Chapter 4

Or not.

Garrus pounded his head against the bit of cover he'd found to hide from the two turrets that had popped up just outside the door of this facility, trying to quell his frustration. Javik had completely ignored his command to go left and flank this particular group of Cerberus agents and now he was pinned, unable to get a single shot off to down those damned engineers. A headache was forming behind his left eye, sending little spikes of pain throughout his skull.

The prothean and James weren't getting along, either. All James' goodnatured barbs met with utter silence and contempt. And Javik refused to cover anyone as they moved through this compound. It galled Garrus that this bastard didn't even have the courtesy to watch their backs.

Garrus decided to cut him out of his strategies, this was now a two man mission. He signaled James to drop frag grenades in rapid succession and pulled out his assault rifle and as soon as the turrets were down, he leapt over his cover and laid into the engineers who'd dropped to one knee to set up more. He ran at them with a yell, firing at the stunned men, dropping an overload which hit both of them. His omniblade disemboweled one and he spun in the air to catch the other one with a knee in the throat, and the engineer fell choking on blood. Garrus finished him off quickly with one efficient thrust of his blade. Panting with the adrenaline rush, he leveled a glare at the prothean, who was looking at the bodies at his feet with a sneer of approval. Only this man could sneer approvingly.

Javik rumbled in his deep voice, "I see you_ can_ get your hands dirty."

"You fucking bastard. If you'd listened in the first place, we'd have had these assholes cornered long before now." So this was a test, this prothean thought he didn't have the quad. James came up to stand at his shoulder, lending Garrus his support and drawing a smirk from Javik. Garrus turned to James, saying in a tight and angry growl, "Can you go get the prothean tech?"

James face clearly communicated his expectation that Garrus planned to do something about the insubordinate alien. And that he hoped it was messy and violent. Garrus narrowed his eyes and the human scooted off to finish their objective. Garrus swung on the prothean, pinning him with his gaze, "Okay, you've had your fun. Stop with the games."

"It is no game. I need to know the measure of your ability, before I believe you are worthy to command." Javik's lips pulled back from his teeth in a parody of a smile.

"I could just_ misplace_ you on this rock. I doubt Shepard will mind, much, since you seem so incompetent that you can't even follow orders. Hardly worth taking into the fight against the Reapers." He watched the prothean seethe over there, that self righteous visage now blazing with hate, a small portion of which was directed at Garrus. Just the word seemed to make Javik lose a measure of control.

"Invoking the name of your master won't stop me." He spat the words at Garrus, who sighed resignedly.

"Why do we have to fight you and the damned Reapers, Javik?" He tried to reason with this ancient being, hands spread. "I'm doing my best here to bring you up to speed, get you to where you wanna be, right? Fighting those damn machines. So why are you fighting me?"

"You are too soft, too compassionate. Do you think the Reapers will care that you care?" Javik's voice was low, strained, his eyes cloudy with thoughts, old ghosts that haunted him. "They will raze your Palaven while we talk here, all your people will fall."

Garrus considered the man, who shook his head violently and darted a bitter look at the turian. Garrus hummed deep in his throat, his tones quiet, "Do you want us to be like the Reapers?"

James walked up with the tech as Garrus contemplated the look of utter revulsion on Javik's face and tossed it to him, "We got company. They got an Atlas on the landing pad. Shuttle can't drop in for evac til someone moves it."

"Well, that's just inconsiderate. Who parks one of those there, honestly?" James smiled and Garrus unholstered his Black Widow, and loaded it up with AP ammo, caressing its length lovingly, "Let's go see if we can be of assistance. Coming, Javik?"

Pulled into his orbit, the prothean pulled his weapon loose and followed. Garrus was grateful when Javik moved toward the crate he'd indicated, taking up covering position without argument. And Garrus let out a whoop as his team finally came together as one, taking on the monstrously large mech skillfully, with precision, a gestalt of energies focused on the job before them.

* * *

"Thanks, by the way, for putting Javik on my team." His sarcastic comment made her eyebrows quirk in that way that he loved. Her 'I got you good' face. Shepard leaned toward him over the console as he calibrated the cannon and he paused in his calculations to lean toward her, smiling down into her eyes. "Because I just love being condescended to."

She waved her hand dismissively, "I knew you could handle it. And he needed to know how good you are."

"Oh? And just how good am I?" He rested both hands on the console and brought his face so close to hers that their noses were touching, just barely.

"No one better. 'Cept me." Her smile made the corners of her eyes crinkle and he watched this phenomena with interest, human skin was so pliable.

"Cocky human." He flicked his mandibles out to tickle her cheeks and she giggled and kissed him, teeth nibbling gently at his mouthplates. His eyes wanted to cross at how good it felt and he rumbled deep in his chest, giving himself to the feelings flowing through his body. She came around the console and he drew her into his arms, against his lightly clothed chest, felt the soft skin of her neck with his hand, tracing a talon all the way down to the zipper that held the hoodie she was wearing closed. Slowly, he drew it down, tooth by tooth, until it fell away from her body, showing him her curves under a white top with little thin straps, his breath caught as he ran his hands over her breasts, bra-less under the smooth texture of the cotton. The nipples peaked invitingly and he pulled them gently, making her gasp into his mouth.

He hummed approvingly as she arched into him, and pulled her hoodie slowly down her arms to drop off her hands, which immediately lifted to massage the area under his fringe. He groaned involuntarily, resting his forehead against hers as a wave of longing broke over him. She moved her hands down over his heart, which thumped painfully under her warm palms. He lifted her so she sat on the console and slowly untied the front of her sweats, hands shaking with his need. Her hips were slowly revealed to him as he tugged on the fabric, their swelling fullness made his cock ache in his pants and he stood away from her, stripping his clothes off unhurriedly. Though his whole being screamed at him to rush this, he forced himself to slow and was rewarded when her eyes grew huge in her face, drinking him in.

He stood frozen under her appraisal, muscles twitching as he suppressed his urge to fuck her silly. He meant to savor this, at least until they could no longer hold back. Shepard lifted her shirt over her head and he shivered with lust, she reached out a long fingered hand and traced the edge of his plates, over his chest and shoulders, down his arm, where it rested lightly over the wristlet he'd made of her hair, its color still so vibrant after all this time. His emotions threatened to overwhelm him as he looked down at her, her skin glowing in the battery, her eyes so full of passion for him. He stepped forward between her legs, and ran his hands over those creamy thighs to their apex, where moisture had dampened the fabric of her panties in her arousal. He rubbed little circles into the cradle of her hips before slipping his thumbs under the waistband of that last little triangle of cloth separating her from him. He buried his face at her neck and breathed deeply of her scent, lapping at her throat with his tongue. She moaned deeply and it sent a shock of titilation all the way down his spine, he rolled his hips into her with a gasp.

Just as he'd started pulling her panties down, she froze and leaned away from him and he groaned at the absence of her touch. She looked around, eyes wide in surprise and said, "Hear that?"

"Hear what?" He growled as he pulled her back to him by her knees, thrusting his cock against her sex.

"No messages, no alerts, nothing." She was melting under his hands, hers were at his cock, squeezing and sliding, he just had enough presence of mind to respond.

"I know." Her expression of astonishment met his devious smile and he finally gave in and ripped those frustrating panties off her body, relishing her breathy gasp. She laughed throatily and pulled him back to her with her legs, squeezing his waist in that delicious way and he bucked into her uncontrollably, coating his cock generously with her fluids. She angled her hips so that her opening slid over the head of his member and he shuddered as he at last slid into her wet channel. It was slick and tight and everything he'd been dreaming about for six long, lonely months and he just barely kept himself from losing it right then, stopping halfway buried in her depths. She squirmed under him and he whimpered for reprieve.

He lifted one of her legs to his shoulder and started to move in her, placing his hand over her heart, feeling it beat wildly under his palm. She leaned her head back against the console, every thrust provoking a moan from her, building to a loud sharp cry and her inner muscles flexed around him and he hissed as his first issue left him, leaving him weak in the knees, but he couldn't stop, wouldn't stop, there was too much passion still left in him. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her feet on his shoulders and he leaned into her, feeling her marvelous flexible hips under him open up even wider. She gripped the edge of the console tightly as he pounded into her at a frantic pace, crying out with every slap of flesh on flesh, her eyes screwed tightly shut. He was close again, so close. Every muscle in her body went lax as she climaxed, arms flopping uselessly to her sides, mouth a cavern that hoarse sighs drifted out of. He grabbed her chin in his hand and growled in a whisper, "Look at me."

Her eyes slid open and locked on his, the love and devotion in them enough to push him over the edge and he quaked as he came, thrusting wildly, filling her with every ounce of seed he had to offer. He felt so gloriously empty as the last surge left him, his eyes rolling back into his head and he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, shaking with the feelings roiling through him. She was here, they were together again, it was rightness come back to the world. Her arms grasped at him, too, clinging desperately.

A sob from her grabbed his instant attention and he lifted his head from her breast to look her in the face. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked down at him. Rumbling, he licked them away, their saltiness lingering on his tongue. She smiled at his gentle care, whispering shakily, "Worth the wait?"

Her tone spoke of deep seated remorse for letting them get separated again and he fixed her with a stare filled with his love for her. She flushed even deeper as he spoke, "I would have waited forever."

Even now, the words stuck in his throat, dying every time he brought them to the fore. She bowed her head in understanding, and another tear slipped from one green eye. He caught it though, he'd catch them all if he could. Her face broke into a sweet smile of happiness, and she embraced him again before sitting up. He stood as well, trying to find some reserve of strength to keep his legs from buckling under him. They dressed slowly and she tutted under her breath as she looked at her omnitool and its triple encoded lockout. He grinned sheepishly as she said, "So, my own XO is conspiring against me."

"A little mutiny never harmed anyone. I made sure that Traynor knew the passcode if something truly dire had come up."

"Guess Victus isn't the only one playing fast and loose with the rules." She pursed her lips in mock consternation. She wadded up her ripped undies and stuffed them in a pocket, "And how many pairs of underwear do I have to buy? Jeez, you can't leave me any intact?"

He loomed over her, hand coming up to run through her hair, chuckling, "Hey, you're the one who decides to wear them. I'd just as soon you did without."

"Pervert." She slapped his arm playfully, before sliding her hand down to his wrist, bringing it up so she could see what he'd done with her token. He watched her as she fingered the strands, looked at the way it was tied at the base of his palm. She played with her lip thoughtfully and he resisted the urge to make her stop that stimulating activity before it triggered another steamy encounter. She peered up at him with a twinkle in her eye, "Can I borrow this for a while?"

His heart dropped and he swallowed back the feelings of intense loss he knew she never meant to cause and glibly said, "Sure, but why?"

"Oh, you know, things...and stuff." Her brows wiggled mysteriously and he tried not to feel the doubt that was creeping in around the edges of his thoughts.

"Things...and stuff. That's not vague at all." He echoed, trying not to let his fingers shake as he undid the knot and handed it to her without looking at it. She pocketed it and flashed him a brilliant smile that turned into a frown of mock censure.

She chided, "Why haven't you brought your things up to the loft yet?"

He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "I, uh, well, we never really talked about...I didn't want to presume-"

"Presume nothing, you pack your kit and get your ass up there, mister."

He fought the confusion he felt in his heart and snapped her a salute, "Yes, ma'am!"

Shepard left, her stride quick and sure and he slumped down a wall as soon as the doors closed behind her. He argued with himself as he stared miserably at his bare wrist, bare for the first time in six months. She didn't know, couldn't have known, what her request meant. He'd deliberately kept it from her, not wanting to pressure her with his intentions, his own private vow to her locked safely deep in his heart. But it hurt to feel like his heart had been given back to him, his love unanswered. But that aching heart wasn't really his any more and it felt odd in his chest, wrong. This feeling was more intense in the wake of their passionate lovemaking. He had to tell her, he'd been selfish not to, or he'd be selfish to, hell he didn't know any more.

That she wanted him to move in with her upstairs was a measure of consolation, let him push away the doubt that wanted to cloud his mind. He gathered his things and headed to the elevator, pretending not to see Chakwas' knowing smirk through the windows of the medbay. The lift seemed cold and he shivered as it climbed up the shaft, resolving to return to the battery as soon as he'd dropped off his things so he could think, just think. No such luck as it happened. As soon as he'd found places to put his meager belongings in her room, as he still thought of it, his omnitool pinged and he read a message from Cicero, requesting a conference with him and the primarch.

He sighed and got into his armor and headed down to CIC, smiling at Shepard as he passed her where she stood at the galaxy map, her face aglow with contentment. He wished he felt the same, he admonished himself severely as he headed to the comm room, speaking a few words to Victus as he passed. Soon the primarch stood with him as he keyed up the communicator to link with Menae. The glowing apparition of his best and brightest lieutenant filled the space in front of the two men and Garrus almost winced at how worn the soldier seemed. Cicero saluted them abruptly, "Primarch, Captain, the situation here is growing desperate, unless we have reinforcements soon, we will be overrun in a matter of days. Reaper forces have taken one of the relays, all communication has been severed with our teams on the other end of it."

Victus closed his eyes and Garrus felt his mandibles clench with the effort of not twitching erratically, he kept them under tight rein as he replied, "Those teams have the backup escape plan, right?"

Garrus calculated the odds of those teams making it back to Palaven in time for them making any sort of difference and found the timetable to be slanted against them. Cicero nodded, confirming his silent assertion, "Yes, sir, but they won't make it in time to help."

"The summit is tomorrow, Shepard will make it happen." Victus' tone was filled with utter confidence, "Pass the word to not lose hope, help is coming."

Garrus nodded in firm agreement, and gratitude lit up Cicero's face, "How is the evacuation of Palaven going?"

"More than 60% of the population is on its way to refuges all across the galaxy, some asari have opened their worlds to us, but without relief, medical supplies and dextro-amino foods, the temporary colonies will falter. There are some problems with resupply on the Citadel."

"Next time I'm there, I'll take care of it." Garrus smiled a reassurance to the beleaguered turian, glad to see some resolution settle over Cicero's face and his shoulders straighten. "Keep the faith, Cicero. Shepard won't let us down, she doesn't know how to fail."

Victus reached over to cut the comms, breathing a sigh that was filled with uncertainty. Garrus squeezed the man's shoulder, trying to offer some kind of comfort. The primarch nodded and went back to a terminal to pore over reports again. Garrus lingered at the war assets terminal, still unhappy with the numbers of troops they had out there. None of the major players except the human fleet were represented there yet, so he had to hope that soon, soon they'd have a better chance of repelling this invasion.

The primarch was watching him out of the corner of his eye, pensively. Garrus sighed, not really realizing that he was staring at his wrist again. Victus' voice broke into his reverie, "What's on your mind, Vakarian?"

He started guiltily and put his hands behind his back, "Nothing important, just thinking..."

"Well, not the summit then. Must be Shepard." The man did have keen insight and Garrus winced internally at how easily he kept being caught with his emotions out for everyone to see. Maybe someday he'd learn some subterfuge to go along with his usually impeccable skill at strategy. Victus kept working as he watched Garrus fidget, "What has our Commander done now?"

Garrus knew from the change that came across Victus' face that he wasn't quite able to keep the pain from flickering over his face and the turian's brow drew together as his mouth opened to ask more questions. Questions forestalled by Garrus' upraised hand, "I don't want to talk about it, Adrien."

With a pang of anguish and embarrassment, Garrus saw the primarch's eyes flit over to rest on Garrus' bare wrist and some answering pang of grief filled his countenance for just a second, then it disappeared, completely. Victus turned back to his monitor, saying quietly to him, "Garrus, if you ever want to get a drink, first round's on me."

Grateful that his countryman knew not to pry, he left, his heart sore from the bewilderment he was fighting so hard. It had its claws in him and was digging and ripping with unholy glee.

* * *

The Citadel bustled with life, much as it always had, but now there was a growing undercurrent of desperation in the masses of people that went about their lives. The holding area had been turned into a refugee camp and Garrus could see that it was already approaching maximum capacity. He found the area where the turians had congregated and did what he could to alleviate their suffering, got the shipments moving again, made sure they had what they needed for now. He'd passed Shepard at the memorial wall, talking in low sympathetic tones to Cortez and marveled that she still made the time to connect to the crew, but then if she'd done otherwise, she wouldn't be Shepard.

Once he'd sorted out the refugees, he headed to Huerta Memorial Hospital, where Shepard had told him a good friend could be found. He slid into the crowded building and made his way to the observation lounge, where he could already see a familiar leather clad back, shoulders unbowed despite his illness. The drell turned at his approach and greeted him with a warm smile, tinged with surprise, "Garrus. You found me."

"You're not the only one with contacts, Thane." Garrus reached out and embraced the shorter man, who returned it enthusiastically. They sat on some nearby chairs and Garrus turned to him, speaking hesitantly, "I don't know how to express how grateful I am for-"

"Did she like the flowers?" Thane interjected, looking at him over interlaced fingers. "I wasn't able to speak to her, but I assumed the blue ribbon would be enough to tell her who sent them."

"I'm told by a reliable source that they made her day. Thank you, Thane." He looked at the drell closely, noting with dismay the tiny wheezing sound at the end of every breath.

"Gratitude is unnecessary. I am at the end of my life. It is a good time to be generous." Thane coughed lightly into his palm.

"How are you, Thane, really?" Garrus leaned back, unsettled by how dim the drell's scales were, they'd lost their luster, but his large dark eyes were still clear and piercing as they stared back at him.

"Kepral's Syndrome has put most of my plans on hold. I need daily medical attention." Thane sighed and closed his eyes briefly, "But I am at peace with what I have done in my life. There comes a time when one must rest from war and conflict."

"Do you know how much time you have left?" Garrus swallowed back a lump of loss that threatened to steal his words and thought about how already he missed the drell and his quiet ways.

"I'm already past my allotted time, according to the doctors." Thane laughed lightly at Garrus' concern, which must be plastered all over his face, "Do not grieve for me, I have good doctors. My son visits regularly. When the end comes, Kalahira will take me into her embrace, where I shall rejoin my wife in the ocean of the afterlife."

"Oceans and the afterlife don't seem to have that much in common." Thane chuckled, shaking his head and Garrus, puzzled, queried, "What?"

"I am amused by how both you and Shepard ask the same questions. It is as if you both burn with the same spirit of curiosity." Thane sat up straighter in his chair, "Very well, I shall tell you what I told her. Consider this, the ocean is full of life, yet it is not life as you and I know it. To survive there, we must release our hold on land. Accept a new way to live. So it is with death, the soul must accept its departure from the body and if it can't, it will be lost."

Garrus stayed silent as he turned this over in his mind. It was a charming concept, and it tugged at him inside, there was truth in it somewhere he could feel it. Underneath the mores of gods and goddesses, there was something fundamentally right about it. Thane was watching him closely and he rumbled fondly, "I think I like your afterlife."

"What do turians believe happens after death?" Thane was genuinely curious, his eyes bright with interest.

"Oh, mostly we're split on the issue, like most races. But I'd like to think that there's a nice place to go, where you're surrounded by friends, and you can get a decent drink sometimes." Garrus smiled as Thane laughed and continued with a wink, "And maybe some trouble to get into once in a while, you know, when you're in the mood for a fight."

"I think I like your afterlife, too. Let us hope that we can visit each others."

"I hear that."

The two men sat in companionable silence for a time and Thane broke the hush with, "How is your family?"

"I...haven't heard from them yet. Palaven's in bad shape and unless we can get the krogan reinforcements we need, she'll fall within a month. I'm worried, Thane. Worried sick that they're going to die out there."

Thane patted his hand and said in a reassuring tone, "I'm sure they'll make it, Garrus. Solana is skilled and intelligent, she was an apt pupil when I taught her. She'll make sure to get your father and herself to safety."

"You're right. Sol will get them through. I just wish I had word." Garrus drew in a tremulous breath, then eyed the assassin narrowly, "So Solana is skilled and intelligent, eh? You'd better not have put your scaly hands on my sister, or we're going to have a reckoning."

Thane held his hands up in surrender, smiling widely, "Your sister is not without her charms-"

Garrus growled menacingly, shaking his fist in mock anger, but the drell continued smoothly, "But she is already spoken for."

Stunned, the turian gaped at Thane, "What?"

"You didn't know...She was being courted by a soldier in your company. A turian named Cicero." Thane smiled apologetically at the shock that crossed Garrus' face.

"Cicero, huh?" At first, he was angry that his most trusted lieutenant had kept this from him, but the more he thought about it, the more he became accepting, even glad, of this little development, "Sol has good taste. Cicero is a good man. He's taken over for me on Menae, and by all accounts, doing one hell of a job."

"Then it is a good match."

"Maybe when this is all over, my dad'll finally get the grandkids he always wanted." The words so hastily spoken made a pang of remorse rush through his veins. He hadn't realized til now that he maybe someday wanted children. Little ones to guide in life, that had her face. Or his, it didn't matter so long as they were theirs. Doubt was making his heart beat a little faster, doubt that she wanted a future with him at all. He resisted touching his wrist, knowing there was no comfort for him there any more.

Thane made a sympathetic sound and Garrus cursed his own inability to hide his emotions. They were patently obvious to everyone, it seemed. He must be one big open book for the galaxy to read. "There's always adoption. I am positive that there will be plenty of orphans that need parents like you and Shepard once this is done."

"Huh, not sure if I'd make a good parent..."

"Don't be absurd. Imagine what kind of trouble children of the two most brilliant tacticians in the galaxy could get into to. It will be a sight to behold and one I will watch with interest and amusement from the afterlife." Thane stood smoothly, walking to the window, looking out over the gardens of the Citadel. Garrus joined him, finding the sleek shape of the Normandy affixed to the docking ring. His stare drew Thane's eye too and both men sighed. The assassin spoke softly, "I miss this...companionship. In all my life, even during the time I was with Irikah, I have never felt as complete as I did on that ship. Many are the memories I relive, often daily. I miss them all, Miranda, Grunt, Mordin, Zaeed, Jacob, Legion, Tali, Samara, Jack... I have many regrets, and Jack is one of them and now there is no time. The tide must go out."

_The tide must go out. _It was one of those thoughts that echo around in the mind, gathering resonance and meaning with every pass. Garrus pushed it away with effort, knowing that it would come again to haunt him with its mystery. Shook himself free of it for now.

He left Thane then with many a heartfelt farewell, feeling better for his company, like a piece of him he'd known was missing had never been missing in the first place. It was then that the revelation occurred to him that distance didn't matter, wherever they all were, they were still connected, little lines of light stretched tenuously over the gulf of space. The thought warmed him, then chilled him. So the loss hadn't happened...yet. When Thane died, if any of them died, he'd then have lost those pieces forever. He hoped the afterlife was kind enough to reunite them should the worst come to pass.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'll tell you what I need." Wrex waited til he had all their attention, "A cure...for the genophage."

The dalatrass looked shocked, then said angrily, "Absolutely not! The genophage is nonnegotiable."

Shepard eyed the salarian female impassively, "Why are you so opposed to the idea, Dalatrass?"

"Because my people uplifted the krogan. We know them best." Her snidely superior tone was getting to Garrus, made his eyes narrow at her foolhardy words.

"You mean you used us. To fight a war you couldn't win." Wrex turned his shoulder to the salarian contemptuously, "It was krogan blood that turned the tide in the Rachni War."

It seemed the salarian couldn't keep the foolish words from spilling out of her mouth, "And after that you ceased to be useful."

Garrus waited for Wrex to leap over the table and pound that stupid female's head down between her shoulders and was inordinately proud when he didn't. Wrex was no fool, this was a summit to gain cooperation among the races, something they would all of them need to survive.

Victus called the meeting to order, "Dalatrass, you may not like him, but Wrex is right. Insulting him won't change that."

"I won't apologize for speaking the truth!" She waved her hands viciously through the air, incautious of the rigidly still, enraged shape of Wrex across from her, "The krogan were uplifted to do one thing-wage war. It's all they know because it was all we wanted them to know."

Shepard barked a harsh laugh, "For having such big brains, you show a remarkable lack of foresight. Were you really surprised the krogan revolted?"

She held her hand up to forestall any more inflammatory remarks from the salarian, "Before you say one word about how desperate you were, or how the end justified the means, or how this situation is the same, I will remind you. You_ interfered_, salarians decided what was best for non salarians and now you will put it right. They deserve a cure."

Her words rang through the air, carrying her influence with it. Even Garrus could feel the pressure of her aura from where he stood, saw the leaders fall under its spell. Victus took a breath, shuddering, "Whether or not they deserve a cure is academic. It would take years to formulate one."

Wrex shook himself and spoke, "My information says otherwise."

Garrus listened with rapt interest as a story unfolded involving a salarian scientist who'd been involved in the deployment of the genophage and this scientist had grown a conscience, tried to cure the genophage by himself, experimenting on krogan females, some died, but some didn't and now they had been taken to far Sur'kesh, kept imprisoned at an STG base.

Shepard made to leave, presumably to alter their course for this base and Garrus winced as the Dalatrass' voice chased the commander's retreating back, "But I warn you, Commander, the consequences of this will be felt for centuries to come."

Shepard stopped and turned around, locking gazes with the salarian. She said to Garrus as an aside, "Garrus, set our course for Sur'Kesh. Please wait for our guest, the Dalatrass, to disembark before going through the relay."

It was said mildly and he scooted out the door, just hearing Shepard start in on the salarian, "Let me tell you about consequences..."

He grinned to himself as he made his way to the galaxy map, nodding to Traynor, who turned with a salute, "We're heading for Sur'Kesh."

Traynor looked surprised, but laid in the course, relaying it to Joker up in the cockpit. "The Commander still in negotiations?"

"You could say that." He gave nothing away with his carefully blank stare and she turned away puzzled by his cryptic words.

* * *

Garrus bowed out of the Sur'Kesh mission, he had so much to coordinate out in turian space that it didn't seem likely to get done without some time off the ground teams. Shepard had expressed regret at his absence, but relented at his insistence. It wasn't easy not being there to watch her back in person, but he suppressed the guilt under his internal assertion that he was still watching her back, out there, in the far reaches where she'd had them spread her influence. Garrus pulled some of his teams from noncrucial worlds to run ops on Cerberus bases, as hard to find as they were, he felt satisfaction every time he received a report that one had been destroyed. He searched for signs of his family, hoping they'd escaped by now. He heard nothing back on that front and it made his innards churn in fear.

Once he'd worked himself to exhaustion, he wandered up to the loft to shower and nap. The water was warm and welcoming, soothing his frayed nerves, he leaned on the wall for a bit and just let it pound on his back. He opened the shampoo bottle and squirted a tiny amount on his finger, smelling the rose and jasmine scent of it wind around his mind, recalling that garden he'd built on his homeworld. He rinsed off one more time after scrubbing and shut the water off, toweling himself dry. His carryall lay in the closet and he fetched his corio from it, sitting on the bed comfortably.

The instrument came easily up to his shoulder and he blew a few notes to warm up his fingers before settling into a rambling tune that wandered along no particular lines, its mellow tone relaxing him where the shower had not. It made him think of his father and the house on Palaven, and his mother, that was a sad thought so he left it for now and just played, letting his fingers go wherever they wanted. His eyes closed and tension melted off him and he started to feel drowsy finally and he was just starting to think of setting the corio down when a hand on his knee startled him, turning the music into a sour squawk.

Shepard sat at his knee, looking up at him with adoration, which seemed not right somehow. It was he who adored her, he wasn't the one who was worthy of adulation. She rose to sit beside him with a wry grin, "Is that a coriolinus?"

"It is." He handed it to her, and she brought it up to her shoulder like he had done. He laughed to see her fingers try awkwardly to settle over the holes. It was too cramped to place first and fourth finger over each hole, so she had to use first and third, he could see that it ran counter to her experience. Still, she had no problem blowing a clear note that reverberated around the cabin, her lips pursed cunningly. He took it back when proffered, "Mission didn't take long."

"We're on our way to Tuchanka. ETA six hours. I'll need you to take a separate team when we get there." She yawned into the back of her hand, stretching her arms over her head, which made his heartbeat quicken at the sight of her lithe form.

"Will do." He rumbled, setting the instrument to the side of the bed. He still hadn't worked out his feelings about the wristlet thing yet, but was hesitant to bring it up. He didn't pry into the many cabinets and drawers, but he also didn't see it laying out. The sight of it would have been calming, reassuring. He banished the doubts eating him and lay behind her in the bed, pulling her close with one arm, 'spooning' as the humans call it. She kicked off her shoes and socks and intertwined her clothed legs with his naked ones, he huffed at her chidingly, "You're going to sleep in your uniform?"

"Too tired to strip. Plus it'll be hard to resist you if I'm naked." She yawned again and he pressed his face to her hair, which smelled not of flowers and gun oil as usual, well, it might be there buried under the ozone smell of spent heatsinks.

He made a sound of disappointment, "Even if I swear to keep my filthy hands to myself?"

"It's not your hands I'm worried about. Go to sleep, Garrus. We only got maybe four hours."

As he drifted off, he mumbled, "True, true, he does have a mind of his own."

And knew nothing but peace for a time.

* * *

He was impressed with the krogan female. Her wits were sharp, her heart compassionate, but still so very krogan. As he conversed with her, she seemed to him to be the very soul of her people, and hoped with all his heart that she could lead them out of decline. Mordin was the same as always, chatting amiably with him as he stood in the medbay.

"Many changes, not surprising. Better equipment, always good." The salarian responded to his question of whether or not he'd had a chance to see the rest of the retrofit. "More...military."

"Yeah, no more private sector comfort, not that a tiny cot in the batteries was very comfortable, mind you."

"Understand you have...better lodging now." There was a teasing twinkle in those large eyes as the doctor took in his discomfort. Garrus waved his hand, dismissing that part of the conversation and the salarian nodded understanding, "Good to see scars healing. Fading nicely."

The female krogan said from the bed she was sitting on, "Best they don't fade completely, or the lesson will be lost."

"Ah, haha, yeah, I don't think I'm planning on taking a rocket to the face any time soon. Consider me schooled." Garrus tossed her a cheeky wink and she laughed, the sound clear and strong. Yes there was hope here for the krogan people, he could feel it deep and powerful. Wrex had a handful of trouble here if he thought he could rein this woman in.

_Speak of the devil,_ thought he as that personage presented himself at the door, striding in like a storm, his face set in a cocky smile, "Vakarian."

"Wrex." Garrus grasped the krogan's hand firmly, suppressing a grimace as Wrex tried to crush his bones with a squeeze. A loud laugh burst from the man as he tugged Garrus forward by that same hand and embraced him, pounding his back roughly. Garrus returned the gesture enthusiastically, "My friend, how are things?"

"Good. No great! We're finally on the cusp of a new era, a krogan rebirth. I have big, big plans." Wrex grinned at him toothily.

"You mean, _we_ have plans." The female said warningly, to which Wrex nodded with fervor, mumbling something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'females'.

Garrus thumped the krogan on his shoulder, "I was just telling Mordin about the retrofit."

"I never saw it when Cerberus rebuilt it, but that war room is something. Come on, let's go find some food. I'm starving." Garrus made a short farewell to Mordin and the female krogan and followed Wrex out into the galley. The crew gave the giant a wide berth, but Garrus smiled reassuringly and they ceased being so timid around the krogan.

Soon the two men sat and chatted amicably at a table between bites of food. Garrus was filling him in on the plan he'd set in motion on Palaven and that had the krogan nodding thoughtfully. "Those are some good ideas. Think I can borrow you for a time after we stomp the hell out of these Reapers?"

"Sure, buddy. I gotta make sure my people are good before I wander off though. I'm all yours when the turian Heirarchy is back in place." Garrus chewed thoughtfully, already tailoring his plans to fit krogan minds and hearts. It would work, he realized. People were basically the same, needed the same things. "I doubt any of us will get a chance to rest on our laurels."

"Shepard deserves to, but I see your point. Hey, I have something of yours." Wrex reached into his boot and drew out a knife, long, curved, with a serrated edge made of tiny razor sharp ridges. He set it on the table between them. With awe and nostalgia, Garrus picked it up, ran a finger down its bone white length. "You left it on the old Normandy and I thought, hey he might want this back sometime. Plus, Shepard gave me back mine."

Wrex pulled out his ancient thresher maw tooth dagger, its fossilized black surface shining like oil in the lights of the galley. Garrus swallowed back the lump in his throat, "I...forgot all about it. Thanks, Wrex."

"Don't go all soft on me, Vakarian. You know, I tried to give it back before, at the...funeral, but you ignored me, well, ignored all of us. That was rude." Wrex's smile said he understood and Garrus felt ashamed of his behavior on that rainy day so long ago. They'd all been hurt, then, he'd been a fool to let them hurt alone. The krogan hefted his dagger in one meaty paw, "I'm happy to have this back. Lots of memories in this knife. I killed my dad with it."

Garrus' browplates shot up in horrified surprise and Wrex interrupted whatever he'd been about to say. He wasn't even sure what he was about to say. Wrex fixed him with a grim grin, barking with a laugh, "Hey, he tried to kill me first. It was only fair."

Garrus smiled wanly, "That's...sentimental, I guess."

Wrex laughed uproariously, like this was the funniest thing he'd heard in ages, "Hey, what do you think about that Javik guy?"

"He's an asshole. But he gets the job done."

Wrex leaned forward conspiratorially, "I like him, he makes me laugh. Brutal little fucker."

"You would. I guess he did well on Sur'Kesh?" Garrus pushed his plate back and listened to Wrex as he described the fighting down there, eyes half closed as his vivid imagination painted the scene in gory detail. He snorted a laugh as Wrex told him what Javik had said about salarian meat being one of his cycle's delicacies and the reaction that engendered. He wondered if Javik had been joking and decided that no, the prothean had probably been deadly serious. At least it seemed the animosity between Shepard and Javik had cooled. Good. "Guess he is worth a damn."

"You know what Shepard does with worthless. It's like some kind of alchemy, lead into gold." Wrex shoveled down the rest of his food and stood, "Well, see you down on Tuchanka, Garrus. Don't get your head shot off."

"I do all the headshots around here, you know better than that." Garrus left the krogan chortling to himself and went to get his kit and his guns.

* * *

It had been a hard fight to get to where the primarch's son was, there had been a lot of those harvester things in their way, and they'd had to save pod after pod of turian survivors. And as Garrus watched Tarquin Victus try to rouse his troops for one last sortie, he felt angry that they had to sacrifice these men at all. He'd worked so hard to make it so the Heirarchy stopped thinking of these soldiers as expendable and they go and send this platoon to this planet, right to where the heaviest resistance was, almost guaranteeing the deaths of these men. Over three quarter of them were already gone, what a waste.

He was going to have a serious discussion with the primarch when this mission was over.

This bomb sounded worrisome and a bit suspicious. Something wasn't adding up, he worried at it like a sore tooth. He could read it all over the younger Victus as he turned to speak, "Vakarian, come with us. We're a shell of what we were. We could use the help."

Garrus was struck by the similarities between himself and this man. Neither wanted to sacrifice lives, both broke the rules of conventional warfare. From an outsider's point of view, the only differences would seem a matter of luck. But Tarquin had been unfortunate to find himself in this mess because he'd never planned on resistance when he'd changed the plan. No, Garrus couldn't turn him away now and would do what he could to save these men to whom these orders had been so callously given. "Send me the nav-point, I'll see what I can do."

The lieutenant was grateful and Garrus watched the remainder of the platoon as they got on shuttles and flew away. He turned his head when Javik spoke up from behind him, "He is a fool. Sometimes a head on fight is unavoidable."

"He's a fool for trying to keep his men alive?" Javik's stare said that he thought Garrus was a fool, too. Weak and sentimental. Garrus laughed incredulously, "We see how effective prothean strategy was, don't you think we should try something different? I don't know, like not wasting lives on suicide missions?"

Javik bridled and snarled at him, "I would sacrifice them all over again, if it meant every last Reaper was dead."

"And the point being your species would still be dead. Hmmm, because that's logical." His sarcastic words stung the man, he could see them land with precision. Garrus took pity on the prothean then. He was the last of his kind, would always be alone in that fact. "Shepard's not going to settle for so low an aim as just destroying the Reapers, Javik. Don't you want to be around to see the wonders she'll do?"

Javik's eyes turned thoughtful and Garrus turned to EDI, "Is the shuttle on its way?"

The AI, who watched him with something like amusement, said in even tones, "It is almost here. Shepard has sent a message saying that she wants you to rendezvous with her for the final push on the Shroud in two hours, she says the mako ride was...eventful."

Garrus laughed wholeheartedly, drawing curious stares from his teammates. He waved his hands dismissively, "Long story. Suffice it to say, a mako was never meant to go through a mass relay."

"Unlikely, Garrus. I am tempted to call you a liar." EDI's tone was playful and you could almost forget that those laughing eyes stared from a cold, metallic face. He smiled into her eyes and chuffed disdainfully.

"Turians don't lie, my dear...well, not often." The shuttle landed and they piled in. Garrus got a ping on his omnitool that gave them the nav-point for this bomb. "And never about something so incredulous to begin with."

"You will have to tell me about it sometime. I will try not to accost you for the details while you are in the shower."

"Oh ho, considering where I do all my showering nowadays, you'll have more than me to contend with." Garrus sat with a thud, leaning out to signal Cortez to take off, "I'm not saying I won't try to stop it, but you might get airlocked."

EDI turned a blankly polite face on Javik, "That would be...inconvenient."

That startled an amused snort out of the recalcitrant prothean, who looked at her with shock. A flicker passed over that face that had so often only held contempt and disdain and Javik turned his face to the window to hide his expression from them. Garrus wondered what was on the prothean's mind, if it was still chaotic from trying to reconcile his displacement in time. EDI watched Javik from where she sat and Garrus leaned forward to speak softly to her, "Do you listen to everything on the ship, EDI?"

"I can't help it. I am the ship, even if I should turn off all the audio hookups in every room, every corridor, I would still be able to hear the vibrations on the hull."

Javik spoke from the back, without turning to them,"Liar. You could withdraw from every sensor on the ship."

She quirked an eyebrow at him, "You would have me be completely blind and deaf?"

"I would have you be deleted from existence. AIs will always turn on their creators. It is only a matter of time." His rancor was half hearted at best, Garrus could feel the man's resolve start to waver in the face of the evidence that maybe his logic wasn't as infallible as he'd thought.

"Javik, I am a conscious being. I have a right to existence, as you do."

"Your existence is not the issue. Whether or not you are a threat to our existence is." Javik finally looked at her, his eyes glaring balefully the AI. "I think we only need look at the evidence of the Reapers for that to be apparent."

"To say that all synthetics are the same is to say all organics are the same. Are protheans the same as humans?" Javik sneered like that was offensive.

"Synthetics _are_ all the same. They are machines built for a singular purpose. By organics, who are not. We choose our purpose because we aren't programmed to have it." Javik grimaced, but continued, in bitter tones, "You machines are not subject to the limitations of organic existence. Time is an illusion to you. Purpose is something you take for granted. We must be so contemptuously small to your eyes."

"No, Javik, I think you are all giants." EDI fixed him with a steady sincere look, her face glowing in the light in the shuttle, "I am learning how valuable mortality can be, how it can inspire one to go beyond all limitations of the possible, for only the bare possibility of a chance to live. You strive so hard, you tell lies of such beauty that they become truth, like hope, only organics need hope because they have despair. It is humbling to be around you and your towering dreams."

Javik was silent, his eyes fastened to her face, looking for signs of deception and he sighed, closing all four of his eyes. Garrus saw the features grow slack and the prothean seemed suddenly so old, as though all fifty thousand years had come crashing down on him at once. His eyes opened and the bitter gleam was absent, but the orbs looked dull and almost lifeless. He winced, as his voice rolled out of him in a reluctant admission, "_You_ are different."

This was all the concession he would give and Garrus stood as the shuttle made its descent. A burst of static dragged his attention to the comms, "Normandy shuttle, this is Lieutenant Victus, with the ninth platoon, do you copy?"

"We hear you, ninth platoon."

"We're approaching the bomb site, Vakarian. Getting bounced around pretty bad."

"This is as close as we get, lieutenant. Look for somewhere to set your platoon down."

"Copy that."

"Talk to me about this Cerberus bomb." Garrus watched the young LT shift nervously on the monitor and thought, _here comes the truth._

"It's not Cerberus. It's...turian."

Garrus stayed silent for a long time. Of course it was turian, why didn't he see that before? Only turians are that brutally thorough. Maybe Javik was right, they were all just primitives. There was a damn planet killer down there. He shot a look at the prothean, who he was sure would be laughing at him with those ancient eyes of his, but Javik just stared into space, looking diminutive over there, in his seat. Garrus turned his rage filled countenance to the turian on the monitor, "Let's just focus on disarming the bomb."

"Cerberus found it. Detonation means all out war between our people and the krogan. The ninth platoon will cover your flank, Vakarian."

"Let's get this done." He turned the comms off with disgust and pulled his weapon free. Garrus heard the concussion of multiple explosions out there, close and he was sure that they'd be in it as soon as the hatch opened.

* * *

"Lieutenant!" Garrus watched that turian up there, clinging to the bomb with one hand and Victus looked down at him, their eyes met in understanding.

"Victory...at any cost." With that he ripped the last coupling free and the whole thing fell apart at the seams, falling into the abyss from which it had been excavated, taking the last brave soldier of the ninth platoon with it. Garrus ran to the edge, catching a fleeting glimpse of a falling body just before the impact kicked up a cloud of dirt, obscuring vision.

Garrus trembled in the aftermath, shaking his head. He called on the spirits to hold the boy close and stood, turning to his team mates. Javik seemed to have become rejuvenated by the fight, was almost his old snarky self again, "Thus all fools perish-"

The prothean's next words were cut off by Garrus yanking him forward by the front of his armor, lifting him up with one hand. He growled low in his throat, fury making his vision a tunnel of blue flames, spitting words with barely contained ferocity, "He's paid his due."

Anger tempted him to throw Javik down the hole after Tarquin, _thus all fools perish indeed._ But he was stopped by one slim cool hand and EDI looked up at him with actual concern on her face and it shook him from his rage and he set Javik down gently, giving him a look of apology which was received coldly. Garrus took a deep steadying breath and said mildly, "Don't speak ill of the dead. We may all envy them soon."

Javik brushed at the front of his armor, and shifted nervously, "It was beneath me. I apologize."

"Just don't...no, it doesn't matter." Garrus turned away and signaled the shuttle to come get them, looked around at the bodies of the ninth platoon that littered the place and mourned the loss of so many brave men. He sat on a low wall and put his head in his hand, holstering his rifle with the other. EDI sat opposite from him, her arms crossed over her chest. Javik also sat diffidently fiddling with his pistol. Garrus whispered to himself, "What will I tell his father?"

"That he died bravely, sacrificed himself for duty and honor." Garrus pulled his head up abruptly, looking in Javik's direction. The prothean smiled faintly, darker emotions swimming just under the surface of his expression, "Turian...Garrus, it...does matter. And as far as envying the dead...

"I already do." Javik closed his eyes and his lips pulled back from his teeth in a grimace of pain and self-loathing. EDI made to go to him, but Garrus shook his head at her. He knew this feeling, had nearly drowned in it for a long time before Shepard had saved him, body and soul, from his own self destruction. He knew that kind words and platitudes would only harm, not help. There would have to be a breaking point, only then would the healing start. It was not time yet.


	6. Chapter 6

Garrus and Liara followed Shepard to the foot of the ruins, the vehicles ground to a halt behind them. Liara said in a hush, "We don't have a plan for this."

The turian looked up at the eerie light emanating from the Shroud and the Reaper that stood guard before it. It was only a scout, but it had repelled all attacks against it so far with sickening ease. He watched Shepard pause to consider, her lips pursed in thought. Garrus replied to Liara, "We've beaten the odds before, have faith."

Wrex stomped up beside them, "We're curing the genophage, no matter what the cost. All my people will ever be depends on it."

Shepard turned to them, "Then I hope this idea you keep talking about is a good one."

Wrex gestured to the krogan female, "It was hers...actually."

"Kalros. We summon her to the Reaper."

Garrus leaned in an aside to Liara, "What am I missing here? Who's Kalros?"

Liara whispered, as the krogan outlined a plan with Shepard, "She's a thresher maw. According to their legends, the mother of all thresher maws."

"Great, more thresher maws. As if we didn't see enough of the giant worms when we were tooling around in the mako." Garrus watched a gleam come into Shepard's eye and nearly laughed, her barely suppressed glee at the plan they were hatching bubbled under the surface of her calm mien.

Her voice quieted all conversations as she looked over them, a gentle smile on her lips, "Let's make sure we all get out of here alive. We'll have one hell of a story to tell."

She turned away only to be stopped by Wrex's voice, "Wait! I want you to know that no matter what happens, you've been a champion to the krogan people, a friend to clan Urdnot and a sister to me. To every krogan born after this day, the name Shepard will mean...hero!"

Garrus watched her clasp hands with Wrex strongly, and as she turned away, he saw a tear slip down her cheek. Red dots lit up his visor and he spun, "On our six!"

Reaper forces were advancing on them and Wrex ran past him, yelling, "Go! I got this!"

With a battle cry, the krogan threw himself into the fray, shotgun leading. Garrus turned away to follow Shepard, who'd sprinted ahead, intent on striking those hammers to summon the mother of all thresher maws.

* * *

When the beam of lethal energy from the eye of the Reaper sliced through the bridge on Shepard's heels, he thought his heart had stopped. She fell to the ruins below, "Shepard!"

He breathed in relief when she rolled to her feet, waving at him to show that she was alright. Wrex's voice over his comms told him that the hammers were up. Shepard looked up at him and yelled, "Mordin's got the cure! I'm going ahead to drop those hammers."

"Not without me you're not!" He slid down, tumbling to a stop against a low wall just as the Reaper fired that hellish beam again. Shepard fetched up next to him with a frown. She pulled him in for a quick angry kiss. That was new...and oddly pleasant. He rolled his eyes at her playfully.

"Garrus, don't be careless. Throwing yourself headlong down some rubble is a good way to get your neck broken." She rolled into a piece of cover to the right and he mirrored her on the left. She called to Liara, "Liara, stay up there and cover us."

"On it." Came the quiet response.

Garrus called to Shepard, "I told you I'm hard to kill. Trust me on that."

In tandem they moved up into the ruins of the arena. The monstrous Reaper loomed over them, opening its carapace to show them that baleful red eye. Suddenly, it seemed to turn its regard past them. Garrus watched turian air support throw themselves against the behemoth, firing everything they had. Shepard smiled grimly and kept moving. Those hammers were just ahead and in rolls and dives that were very nearly synchronized, they avoided the brutes that charged at them and stood at the bases of each one. Their eyes met just as they activated the ancient devices and a low rumbling made them stagger to and fro.

An ear piercing shriek split the air and Garrus covered his ears with a yell. The biggest goddamn thresher maw he'd ever seen flew through the air above him to attack the Reaper and the giants grappled as he and Shepard tried to reach each other and find cover simultaneously. The ground heaved like a living thing beneath his feet and Shepard pulled him down just as Kalros dove back into the ground, leaving the damaged Reaper to reel back and forth, looking for its target.

Shepard took advantage of its distraction and dashed between its legs, Garrus hot on her heels. They pounded across the bridge to the Shroud, getting to the end just as the thresher maw rushed out of the ground again and collided with the Reaper, wrapping her long body around it to constrict and constrict, almost lovingly. Garrus stopped to watch the awe inspiring sight as the two gods descended into the earth of Tuchanka, the grind and screech of twisted tortured metal music to his ears. Shepard grabbed his hand, saying softly, "It's a match made in heaven."

He laughed, "It is at that. But think of the children."

She laughed with him as they ran lightly the rest of the way to the Shroud. They met Mordin at the base of the tower, where he was busily tapping away at a terminal. Shepard said, "Mordin! Is the cure ready?"

"Yes, loaded for dispersal in two minutes. Procedure traumatic for Eve but not lethal. Maelon's research invaluable."

Garrus said, with relief, "She's okay?"

"Yes, headed to safety now. Her survival fortunate. Will stabilize new government should Wrex get any ideas. Good match. Promising future for krogan." A loud crash had them jump to the side to avoid shrapnel from a falling strut.

"Damn!"

"Control room on top of Shroud tower. Must take elevator up." The salarian indicated a lift at the base.

Surprise colored Shepard's tones, "You're going up there?"

"Yes, manual access required. Must counteract STG sabotage. Ensure cure dispersed properly."

Garrus took a step toward him, "Mordin, this whole thing is coming apart. There's got to be another way."

"Remote bypass impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance." The doctor's shoulders slumped but his voice was firm, almost angry, "No, no other option. Suggest you get clear. Explosion likely to be...problematic."

Mordin strode quickly to the elevator and Shepard called after him, her voice tinged with desperation, "Mordin, no!"

She stopped just outside the lift doors, her hand out beseechingly. The salarian turned to face her and spoke, almost gently, "Shepard, please. Need to do this. My project, my cure, my work...my responsibility."

Garrus stood with her and placed his hands on her shoulders, which trembled with emotion. He felt the loss already, wanting to keen as their friend continued, "Would have liked to run tests on the seashells."

Her voice shook, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Mordin smiled and touched her fingertips with his own, "Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong."

And then he was gone, headed up to that inferno that covered the tip of the Shroud. Garrus watched the small explosions that rained debris down on them and said to Shepard, "Jane, we have to go."

She didn't move, and he could see tear tracks on her cheeks. Finally, she shuddered and turned away, her eyes closed to him and he felt a soreness infect his heart at her suffering. In silence, they wended their way out of the area to stand near the vehicles that had come to pick them up. Her eyes were riveted to the Shroud as a bright cloud burst from its tip, raining particles down on the surrounding area. Garrus tilted his head to hear her whispered words, "Do you hear him?"

Alarmed, he strained to catch what she might be hearing and found nothing, he said shakily, "Hear what, Jane?"

"He's singing." A bright explosion left stars in his vision as the entire tip disintegrated. She urgently whispered, "Watch. Watch closely."

He peered at the bright haze and thought that he saw some bright flash up there, flitting about like the shine of the sun off the scales of some colorful fish under the waves, then it was gone and he wondered if it had even been there, if he was caught up in her hysteria. The bright almost vacant look in her eyes was no comfort at all and he put her hand in his and squeezed gently.

Shepard put her other hand out to catch some of the bright motes of dust that floated down from the cloud, "It's like snowflakes."

Wrex and the krogan female leapt out of the tanks and walked toward the bright light. The leader of clan Urdnot had a look of wonder on his face that lifted Garrus' flagging spirit, helped take the sting out of the tragedy of Mordin's death. Liara came up to stand with them, taking Shepard's other hand in hers. The trio watched as the krogans stood under that brightness with fragile hope in their every movement. The asari blotted the corners of her eyes and turned to Shepard and Garrus, "Will hope always be enough?"

Shepard stayed silent, frozen in the wake of that question and Garrus felt a deep foreboding blossom in his guts. He wished Liara had stayed silent, the words never said, but they were out and begging for an answer. Finally, Shepard said, her voice sad and her eyes too bright, the words not quite convincing, "Yes, Liara. Hope will always be enough."

She turned and led them away, each lost in their own troubled thoughts.

* * *

Krogan reinforcements were on their way to Palaven and he felt enormous relief as he spoke with Cicero about placement and disposition of assets. The turian stood strong and stoic at the news, but Garrus could see desperate gratitude in his eyes. They had a chance, this could happen. Their conversation meandered into other territory, which Cerberus cells had been eliminated, how many relays were still defended, on that score, the fleets were still holding but more and more Reapers arrived daily.

Garrus spoke fondly to the man, cajoling him out of his melancholy. And as they broke communication finally, he swore to himself that he would do whatever was in his power to make sure Cicero lived through this, so the turian and his sister could make a future together. They deserved it.

Garrus left the comm room and eyed Primarch Victus where he stood at that terminal. They were taking the Primarch and Wrex to the Citadel for further negotiations and conferences and Garrus had yet to speak with the turian leader about his son. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, not sure where to begin. It would be cruel to berate the man now, he'd paid a terrible price for the decisions past leaders had made. Garrus took a deep breath and stepped down into the bright circle of lights, drawing the attention of the primarch, who looked at him with haunted eyes. He cleared his throat and said, "Wanna go get that drink?"

Victus nodded, "Thought you'd never ask."

They ambled down to the lounge and Garrus poured them drinks. They sat in contemplative silence for a long time before Garrus finally said, "I'm sorry. About your son."

"He'll be remembered as a hero and I have you to thank for that, Garrus." Victus took a long hard pull from his glass, gasping as the liquor burned down his throat. He turned to Garrus, who watched him out of the corner of his eye, "I never imagined when I took the job that there'd be so many skeletons in the closet. Some are nightmarish. How do I try to fix it? It seems insurmountable, this mountain of mistakes."

Garrus took a sip of his beverage, "I think if you try to fix more mistakes than you make, you'll be ahead of the game."

"The horrible blindness, Garrus. How did they not see what they were doing?" Victus dropped his head onto his arm and it hurt to see the strong leader so compromised. His voice drifted to the man next to him, "Do you think you can really change us?"

"We are already changed. Don't you feel it? Just being around Shepard makes us better." Garrus swirled the brown liquid around in his glass, thoughts muddied by that itching doubt that had taken hold of him. "We are more than we were."

"And if she falls? What will happen then?" Victus' words came out harsher than he'd intended, by the look in his face as he turned it to Garrus.

Garrus calmed his raging heart, which had decided that the mere mention of Shepard possibly dying was cause for panic. He took a few seconds to just breathe, just tell himself that she was alive now and that was what mattered, "We will continue, Adrien. That's what she would want."

The primarch sat up straighter on his stool and poured himself another drink, "I envy you your conviction. And your connection to her."

The misery that clouded the man's gaze made Garrus feel sympathy and he covered his own bare wrist with his hand, "I keep telling myself that she didn't know what it meant to take it back. She doesn't and I know that, so why am I...hurting so?"

"It can't be denied that she feels something for you. I have seen it myself, but perhaps she does know, have you ever considered that? It would take a simple extranet search to find out."

Now Garrus felt a pang of deep agony. Victus was right, Shepard could have found out on her own. What did that mean? Did it mean she didn't want him? Was he only a temporary balm on her wounds? No, it couldn't be true. She loved him, she must. For her to have done or said many of the things she did, there had to be some thing, some deep feeling, there. She must know how much he loved her as well, no matter that he'd never said the words. He swallowed back the pain with another drink, filling his glass to the brim.

Victus said, "I didn't mean to make you doubt. If she were turian, this would be so much simpler. Sometimes the other races are so hard to understand. Maybe there's another reason, one you haven't thought of."

"...Maybe." Garrus looked at the other turian, thoughtfully, "Why do I get the feeling that you have experience with this sort of thing?"

Victus barked a bitter laugh, "Maybe."

"Is it about your son? Or his mother?" Guiltily, Garrus knew he was prying into a subject that turians usually steered clear of. Private matters of this nature were never spoken of.

Haltingly, Victus said, "I met her while I was on a tour of duty in the far colonies. I'd just been made an officer and I was brash, arrogant as so many who rise fast are. It started as just an affair, just relieving stress, you know, casual. But her feelings grew quickly deeper, I'm sure I was much different than most men she'd known and spirits did I know it. I...exploited it, because she was that colony's leader and there had been rumors of sedition out in that sector so I...treated it like it was just another battle."

Garrus waited for the man to continue and he did, eventually, pain evident on his face in the clenched mandibles, "She told me we'd conceived a child together and that she wanted to pairbond. I was livid, thinking how dare she make the decision without asking me if that's what I wanted. I was so selfish, I denied her. Tossed the wristlet she was trying to hand me to her feet. And then I left."

Victus trembled in the throes of the memory, "I went out to other colonies, doing my job and months later I got a message telling me that she'd taken her own life, but not before giving birth to my son. I was devastated, I'd thought once I had gone, the feelings she thought she had for me would fade, shown to only be infatuation, not real love. I claimed the boy as my own, giving him a chance to grow up not under the shadow of ill birth. And then I did the only honorable thing I could think of to rectify my terrible mistake. I gave my heart to a dead woman."

Garrus ached at the thought. Victus had pairbonded with someone he'd never get to hold, never get to feel the quickening of a child in her belly with his hand. He had only bitter memories to embrace and the thought of it was full of sorrow. And now he didn't even have a son to remember her by. His heart went out to the man and he squeezed Victus' shoulder, offering what little comfort he could. Victus' sad smile said he appreciated it, "And so, you see, these things are best not left to lie unattended. If you love her, find a way to have her. I know the great Garrus Vakarian can come up with some clever strategy to win her heart."

Plans were already forming in his mind as he left the primarch to drown his sorrows with drink. The elevator ride was slow and it gave him some solitude to really think about what he wanted to do. Get her alone, find some respite from all the demands circumstance had placed on her and tell her, really tell her what he felt for her, and wait in tense silence for her response, which would make or break him. The second part would be the hardest, he couldn't do it on the ship, as much as he had come to love EDI as part of the crew and a person in her own right, he wouldn't be able to do this knowing she was listening. This was too personal, too private, even more private than just sex could ever be, though what he had with Shepard was far more than just gratification. Every encounter made his heart soar to new heights, his depth of feeling astounded even him.

The loft was empty, she was probably in meetings again. He missed her company during the days and tried to think of ways to accompany her on more missions. If only they had someone in the ground teams who could command like he and Shepard did, then he'd be free to not run the ops they needed to get done parallel to the big missions. Javik was used to command, but he was still broken and would be for some time yet, he was sure. He racked his brain for some kind of plan. James? No the human soldier was too unrestrained, didn't have the big picture in mind when he fought. EDI wouldn't do, she had no command experience at all, tactics taught in simulators were often too static to work on the battlefield, plus she'd shown no interest in leading. Liara was already too burdened by her secondary role as Shadow Broker, he wouldn't ask it of her.

Garrus sighed deeply, it seemed there was nothing for it, but to wait and see. Hope that an opportunity presented itself.

* * *

Cerberus was attacking the Citadel. From the cockpit, Garrus watched the docking ring that was full of Cerberus vessels spin lazily with the station's rotation. Joker shot him a look of consternation, "Would you mind taking a step back? You breathing down my neck is not going to help us find an insertion point."

"Sorry." Garrus ducked his head and turned to Shepard, who watched those ships with anger burning in those green eyes. Javik's perpetual sneer was absent and Garrus thanked the spirits for small mercies, "Looks like the docking ring is full of hostiles. Shuttle?"

"Shuttle. Let's get Cortez and fly down there." She pointed to the presidium commons near the entrance C-Sec HQ and he nodded, agreeing with her that they needed to get the station's defenses online. Behind him, Joker opened a comm channel to the Citadel, to see if any friendlies were still down there, silence. "Check the emergency channels."

"Commander, you're going to want to hear this." Joker opened the comm channel so they could all hear.

Thane's gravelly voice filled the cockpit, "Shepard, the Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere and they're in control of all the docks."

"Are you safe?" Her concerned voice filled Garrus with fear for their friend down there.

"I had to evade their commandos at the hospital. I'm in a Presidium storefront."

"Did Kaiden make it out?"

Garrus felt a wash of shame for having forgotten that Thane wasn't alone in that besieged fortress of a station. Thane responded, "We got separated. He said he had to protect the council. I'm going to C-Sec HQ, the whole body of their defenses depends on it not being compromised."

Garrus snorted, "Good to know our people are all on the same wavelength. Let's get to C-Sec."

"Won't there be a lot of resistance there?" Javik said wryly, following them to the elevator.

A savage gleam entered Shepard's eyes as she answered and Garrus grinned in echoed ferocity, "I hope so."

Javik chuckled darkly, "I like how blood thirsty you are."

She laughed lightly, her smile almost cruel, "They will strive to kill us and we will answer them in kind. They deserve that much."

Cortez had the shuttle up and running and soon they were zipping along the airlanes that used to have so many vehicles flitting to and fro. Garrus leaned out of the open hatch and watched the few defenders of the station fighting down there against overwhelming odds. He scoped and dropped an engineer from the shuttle, swaying easily with the turbulence. He turned to see Shepard smiling at him with amusement, "What? I hate those engineers."

"Turrets _are_ annoying." She agreed, sagely. When the shuttle landed, Shepard burst past him with a leap, rolling into cover. Garrus had already picked a spot to set up on one of the landings to the right.

"Javik, think you can clear me a path?" Without waiting for confirmation, Garrus stormed up that ramp and was heartily grateful to the prothean when a large cluster of troops were lifted and slammed to the ground in front of him. He double tapped them as he ran by, dropping behind some crates exactly where he wanted to be. He switched to AP ammo and scoped for targets. Centurions dropped smoke grenades, but thanks to some mods he'd added to his Black Widow, he could see their outlines in the fog clearly and he started popping off their heads. Javik was making short work of the forces seeking to flank them on the left, using his biotics in combination with that strange prothean rifle that shot a beam of energy at their enemies.

Shepard moved up the middle, shotgun neatly taking out troops that thought they were safe behind cover. She laughed as they turned to her in surprise just before falling to her scattershot. The last man up was grabbed by the front of his armor and pulled over his bit of cover and Garrus watched her through the scope as she sunk her omniblade deep into the trooper's chest. He sighed as he took in her fierce grin. Spirits, she was a force of nature. Javik swam into his scope as he moved to check on the prothean's wellbeing.

Javik watched Shepard with something akin to hunger in his eyes and Garrus felt rage start to trickle through his veins. How dare he look at his mate like that? Their eyes met through the scope and Garrus had to suppress the urge to press the trigger. He stood abruptly and moved to where Shepard was trying to help Bailey, who'd been shot at the door. They were talking in low urgent tones but Garrus couldn't keep his glare from sliding to Javik, who took it calmly and returned an even stare of his own, a light that Garrus thought seemed like laughter way in the back of his four eyes.

Shepard tapped his wrist and he swung his regard to her, almost guiltily, "Bailey's going to open the door."

He didn't have to be told to be ready and they went through the door, weapons drawn. Garrus moved to cover the right corridor and Javik covered the left. Shepard and Bailey accessed the terminal, he listened to them talk as he tried to quell his anger. It was a possessive anger and he told himself firmly that he had no right to be possessive, she wasn't his yet, may never be. He interjected into their discussion of possible betrayal with a comment, "Councilor Velarn mentioned Udina. But...that's insane, does he even have this kind of pull?"

"Well, you know who'd have the answer to that? The councilor."

"The councilor is in there, surrounded by Cerberus? Who put together that security detail?" Javik's tone was disdainful and Bailey bridled at his obvious contempt.

"Well, until an hour ago, this place was as safe as it got. Nobody expected something on this scale. We need to find the councilor and get him out of here." Bailey turned his angry face from the prothean, "He has got to know who's behind this."

Garrus said, "He could be in the Executor's office. It's a fairly defensible position."

Shepard made to leave, her fluid movements drawing both men's gaze, "I'm on it."

Bailey called after her, "Just a sec...Now we can talk by omnitool. Go!"

Shepard opened her comms, "Thane, did you get all that?"

"Yes, I'm nearing the building, but running is difficult. I'll try to get to you." Garrus could hear the man struggling for breath and wished him luck and fortitude.

C-Sec HQ was crawling with Cerberus troops, they had dug in. The trio moved methodically from room to room, putting down all the resistance they could find. The bodies of the men and women who used to work here lay twisted on the ground, whoever had planned this strike had caught them all completely by surprise. Anger pulsed through him as he took the indignity of it all, feeling his rage returned by Shepard, feeding back and forth between them.

The fire suppression systems were working, at least they wouldn't be smoked out.

* * *

Garrus watched, horrified, as the blade tore through Thane's body, a cry of denial on his lips. Blood poured out of the drell as the Cerberus assassin ripped the sword free. Thane slipped to the ground, lying face down in a spreading pool of red. Shepard shrieked in utter rage and he had to cover his ears as the power of it threatened to pop his eardrums. Javik slid to his knees, similarly incapacitated. Garrus stumbled after Shepard, who'd taken off in hot pursuit of the black clad male who had dared to injure Thane.

He blearily noticed Thane was on his feet and running ahead of him, pistol up and firing after the vehicle that that damned assassin was perched upon. Garrus couldn't even bring his weapon to bear, he was so shaken. Shepard, her face a conflict of emotions, danced back and forth between them and an aircar. Garrus fetched up next to the drell, who slid down the frame of the door to sit, blood flowing down his midsection. Thane waved her off, "I have time. Catch him."

She sprang into the aircar and took off, her mouth a rictus of rage. Garrus watched her take off with fear in his heart, but turned to help Thane, applying medigel and pressure to the wound. He called for medical assistance, hoping that an ambulance would make it in time. Javik leaned heavily on the wall next to them, "You let her go alone."

It was an accusation and it stung him with tiny needles of shame. Garrus hung his head and Thane squeezed his shoulder, "I would pity the assassin should she catch him."

The prothean shot the drell an incredulous look before snapping his mouth shut on any more words. Garrus looked at the wound under his hand, "It's bad. I don't know if..."

"I am at peace, Garrus. This-" He waved his hand, taking in the burning buildings, the sound of gunfire that still echoed through the presidium, "Think of it as a pleasant disruption of my boredom. That it hastens my departure is no matter."

Garrus swallowed the lump of grief that threatened to overwhelm him and he was surprised by the light coughing laugh that burst from Thane, "That assassin should be embarrassed. A terminally ill drell managed to stop him from reaching his target."

It startled a pained laugh from him, emergency services decided to show up then and as they loaded the man up, Garrus spoke a promise to him, in a dangerous whisper, "I'll pass the word along."

A smile and they took Thane to the hospital, where hopefully he could be stabilized.

A ping from Shepard had him cry out with relief. They hopped into an aircar and Garrus pushed it to the limits of its speed as he sped to meet her. As they swung around to land, Javik gasped as he watched Shepard fight alone down there.

She was like a tempest of violence, destroying all in her path, currently she was going toe to toe with one of those phantoms, lithe little figures that swung a sword much like the one that had hurt Thane so grievously. Garrus watched her jump almost impossibly high and land knee first on the Cerberus agent's skull, he imagined he could hear the crunch of snapping vertebrae from where he sat.

He dropped the aircar roughly, jumping out of the hatch before it even stopped skidding, coming up from a roll with his sniper rifle at the ready, taking out a nemesis that had edged out to take a bead on Shepard's spinning, leaping form. Javik ran past him to biotically slam a group of soldiers that were hiding behind some rubble.

They crawled over the garden tiers to advance to where the councilors were imperiled and an Atlas dropped to the ground before them, its mechanical form unfolding to a ready position. With a blood curdling scream, Shepard ran at it recklessly. Fear dried Garrus' mouth as he watched her speeding form barrel at the giant machine. Javik called a warning as more troops poured into the area. Garrus yelled to him, "We need to cover her! Set up a crossfire!"

They moved in tandem, finding odd corners with the best angles and cover. Adrenaline coursed through his veins as he took down man after man, his vision a bloody haze of blue fire. He dared not look over to where Shepard was fighting that thing alone. There was sudden silence as he slowly realized they were all dead, the only sound was his harsh breathing. He darted a look over to where the Atlas had been and saw it was down. Relief flushed through him as he saw her crouched above it, her hands reaching through the cracked canopy of the pilot's seat.

Garrus walked slowly over there, edging around it to see her snarling face. He could see her fingers were curled around the pilot's throat, squeezing, her knuckles bone white from the strain. Javik, his face the very picture of awe, breathed, "Shepard, he is dead."

She shot him a look of pure hatred, madness dancing in her eyes and the prothean took a fearful step back. Garrus reached for her, slowly and she shuddered violently, pulling her hands back swiftly, her face almost confused as he pulled her to him, sliding off the machine. He made a noise deep in his throat when he saw her ripped and tattered hands, the gloves were in shreds. She closed her eyes for a moment and nodded, "I know."

It meant she knew how her loss of control had frightened him terribly. Garrus sighed into her hair and set her down on her feet to stand on her own. Her eyes were clear and sane when she opened them, looking at both men with a ghost of shame on her face. Then her countenance hardened, "Let's go. The council is in trouble."


	7. Chapter 7

Garrus watched the bullet tear through Udina's chest and thought that he should feel something, satisfaction at least, but no, there was only the disquieting realization that Cerberus had planted sleeper agents as far up as this. The Illusive Man was a cunning adversary indeed, Garrus had been foolish to underestimate him. More unsettling was the fact that Shepard had underestimated how far the human would go, how far he'd fallen. He saw all this in the flush of her cheek as she approached the dead councilor, saw Kaiden step back out of her way.

Kaiden...Garrus was so very glad that he hadn't had to shoot the man, that Kaiden had finally seen reason. It would have been terrible to lose yet another one of them, Garrus didn't know how Shepard would have dealt with that.

Someone was cutting through the elevator door and everyone jumped to the ready, guns up and loaded. The door opened to reveal Bailey and a detail of C-Sec and he sagged in relief, even though he was kind of hoping that assassin was about to make another appearance.

"Bailey." Shepard holstered her shotgun.

"We made it as fast as we could, Shepard. Looks like you, uh, took care of things." He stepped forward, looking around, eyes finally settling on Udina's corpse. Bailey had a faint smile on his face as he turned to look at the remaining councilors.

The asari councilor, Tevos, spoke, her tone fearful, "Something's not right here. You said Cerberus was targeting us. Where did their soldiers go?"

"Cerberus was right here, but they beat feet into the keeper tunnels as soon as they saw us coming." Bailey shrugged, "Sorry, councilor, I'll say it plain. Shepard just saved the lot of you."

Sparatus, the turian councilor approached Shepard and she angled her head back to look him in the eye. He took her hand in his and said, "Then you have saved my life twice now, Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt and one on the behalf of Palaven."

Garrus snorted quietly, _more than twice, but who's counting._

They finished up and headed back to the Normandy, he could tell by the set of Shepard's shoulders that she was carrying a lot of tension, but he didn't know what he could do about it right now. They had a friend in the hospital, more than likely dying, she had to meet the council, there was no respite to be had and from the looks Kaiden gave her, there was more drama to be had there as well. Garrus fretted over her not being able to unwind before she snapped and did something she'd regret, like destroying the Citadel or something.

Garrus left her at the airlock, stating he had some business to take care of and tried his best to ignore the tight skin around her eyes as she waved him off. In truth, he needed to think, there had to be a way to take the pressure off her without compromising the mission. Her bout of madness had scared him deeply, he certainly didn't want to return to the days of the first Normandy, when everyone of them had had to tiptoe around her instability. He headed toward the hospital to check on Thane.

The antiseptic smell of the clinic washed over him as he stepped into the long corridor. There were quite a few casualties awaiting triage in the hospital's foyer. He made his way to the far end, where the semi private rooms were, a familiar face stopped him before he passed into the decontamination area. "Garrus Vakarian?"

He took in that oval face under the coppery hair and said with a smile, "Dr. Michel? It's good to see you."

"And you too, Officer Vakarian. I hear you're on the Normandy nowadays." She smiled in genuine warmth, taking his hand in hers.

"I am, I am. This is a far cry from a clinic in the wards." Garrus gestured all around them and she laughed.

"I've worked hard to make this dream happen. And now I'm relieved it's here, because I don't know what we'd have done without it in light of the difficulties of the times we live in." Dr. Michel walked with him through decon into the corridor beyond. "I have something for you. I never did thank you for saving my life all those years ago. I sent Commander Shepard a letter, but I don't suppose she had time to tell you about it."

He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily, "I guess she didn't, I'm sorry, Dr. Michel-"

"Chloe." She interrupted, her eyes shining up at him. She handed him a small box from her coat, its top covered in gold foil. "I saw it and I thought of you."

"-Uh, Chloe. If I'd known about the letter, I would have gotten back to you." He turned the box over in his hands, read the label, "Chocolate."

"Turian chocolate, just a little token of thanks, Garrus." She said his name with an odd inflection, almost like she was tasting it and he felt a touch of alarm. _She's not..flirting, is she? No, no this is just a gift of gratitude._

She looked slightly disappointed when he backed away a step, toward the patient rooms, "Well, Chloe, thank you for the gift. I've, uh, got to go see my friend now. He got hurt pretty badly in the attack and-"

"I understand. Don't be a stranger, Garrus, I'm always here if you want to catch up." She smiled at him as she disappeared into one of the labs and he felt relief wash through him. He put the little box in a compartment of his armor and approached a doctor who looked like he was in charge.

"I'm looking for a drell, came in with a stab wound."

"Oh, Mr. Nuara, he's in that room there. His son, Kolyat, is on his way." The man turned away from him then and Garrus walked to the room, palming the lock.

Thane turned his head on the pillow and smiled in greeting. Garrus chuffed, "Even on your deathbed, you're gonna wear those leathers, huh? Trying to be as stylish as me?"

Thane wheezed a tiny laugh and winced, "Hospital gowns are...drafty. But rest assured, if I so chose, I believe I could be at least twice as stylish as you."

Garrus plopped into a chair next to the bed, fixing a wry smile on the drell, "Shepard will probably be here later. If she can pry those pyjak councilors off her ass."

"I am glad to see she is still fierce."

"Fierce is an understatement. She throttled an Atlas pilot with her bare hands." He tried to keep the tremulous fear out of his voice, but Thane's sharp glance told him he didn't quite succeed. Thane questioned him with a look and he swallowed, "I need...advice. She's under a lot of stress and I'm...afraid for her."

"She has you."

"It's not enough. I don't know if I can be strong enough for her if she...breaks again. And Thane, she was so close to breaking today. She's starting to lose people, Mordin and now...you. You're all taking pieces of her away with you." He didn't mean it as recrimination and was grateful that Thane saw that, with a smile of perfect understanding. "And I want so much to be strong enough for her."

Thane sighed and closed his eyes, "Fear and doubt are your enemies, Garrus. Don't let them blind you. If you believe yourself to be strong enough, you will be. She needs you. Don't fail her."

A polite cough from the door caught their attention. Kolyat stood there hesitantly and a proud smile affixed itself to Thane's lips. "Father...they told me you had been injured."

"The time has come and I am so very glad you came. Will you..talk with me?" At the younger drell's nod, Thane turned his gaze to Garrus, "I'd like to talk to my son for a time, Garrus."

The turian stood and reached out to clasp Thane's hand warmly, "Sure thing, Thane. I'm going to miss you, my little green friend. Stay deadly."

"And I will miss you, perhaps someday we can find some trouble together in your afterlife."

Grief threatened to close his throat and he croaked, "Yeah, it's a date."

He turned before he broke down and left the two men, father and son, to their final goodbyes. The walk back to the Normandy was long and he yearned to find somewhere to just think, to come up with some kind of plan. There was precious few choices to be had on the busy ship so he turned away to find somewhere on the station.

There was a new bar on one of the decks above the docking area, Purgatory. Fitting, since that's where he felt his head was, at the moment. The typical asari dance music mix pounded out at him from the doors and he almost turned away from the cacophony, but finally gritted his teeth and went in. It was packed, no doubt people came to forget their troubles, and the Reapers, and Cerberus, had left many troubles in their wake. He ordered a drink and found a table on the middle level next to the stairs.

A familiar blue face from his left stared in his direction and he tipped the ousted ruler of Omega a salute with his drink. That scowl never changed, but the flicker of recognition in her eyes said it all. Aria wanted him to come talk to her. He thought about just leaving, but considering all that Shepard had done to get the mercs to fight under the banner of the resistance, he relented with a sigh, picking up his drink and walking over to the asari.

Garrus sat next to her and watched her out of the corner of his eye as he sipped his drink. "Hello, Aria."

"Hello, Archangel. Or are you going by something else now?" She smirked at him and he smirked right back. "Still with Shepard?"

It was more statement than question. He didn't have to ask her how she knew that, her intel had always been impeccable, "Why? Do you miss me?"

"I miss all the credits I made selling weapons to the mercs trying to kill you. I don't know if I like this you, I think I liked the dangerous, half-crazed you better." She turned to look at him fully, a crooked smile on her painted lips. "Did you ever regret the terms of our agreement?"

"No. Not at the time." She let his little coterie kill mercs with abandon and she made gains in the power struggles that ensued. It was patently neat and at the time, had appealed to his sense of karma. Using evil to combat evil. Now it just seemed deplorable, but all the fault had been his. He was the one that had compromised his honor, because she'd had none to begin with. "I'm even more dangerous now, if you were thinking of testing me. So...don't."

"I don't have the luxury of playing games any more, Garrus Vakarian. I've funneled all my resources into Shepard's little campaign, I have none to spare for you." She leaned back, arching her spine erotically and he turned away. She sneered at his supposed prudery, "Still not tempted, hmm? I remember you weren't always so discerning."

"I never liked your games, Aria and I have even less time for you than you have for me."

"Oh, you bore me, Garrus. One thing, call it a boon, for all the amusement you brought me," She handed him a datapad and as he scrolled through the data, and his eyes widened with excitement. It detailed all the locations of Cerberus bases and other interesting things on this side of the galaxy and his mind spun with possibilities. This was the key, this was how he could take the pressure off Shepard. He could send his own people to complete the tiny tasks that had so monopolized Shepard's time, gathering data, tracking down artifacts, all the miscellaneous minutiae that she couldn't seem to help involving herself in.

Garrus swung his regard on Aria and brought his face dangerously close to hers, growling, "If you weren't an evil, sadistic bitch, I would kiss you."

She smiled, flattered by the description, "And if you weren't already taken, I would let you."

He reeled back in shock, "What?"

Aria rolled her eyes, "It's obvious to anyone with two eyes, or four, or whatever the hanar have for seeing."

Humbled, he said, "Thank you, Aria. You have no idea what this means to me."

"You're starting to bore me again." She waved him away and he took his leave, almost running back to his table to start this new undertaking.

He was pecking away at his omnitool taking notes, sending messages when James pulled up a chair at his table. He nodded a greeting to the human, who drank his beer while watching him work, "Don't you ever relax, Scars?"

"Are you kidding, this _is_ how I relax." He put it away for now, a good amount had been done already, the rest could wait. He gave James his full attention.

"You were getting pretty cozy with that asari over there." There was a glint in the marine's eye and Garrus laughed. How they all jumped to Shepard's defense.

"Getting cozy with Aria is not exactly good for your health. We're old...not friends, almost enemies? In a cordial way. Is there a human word for it?"

"No, there isn't." James leaned out to take her in and whistled, "_That's_ Aria T'loak? Hot."

"She's dangerous, almost Shepard dangerous, but without the morals."

"That's even hotter. Think she'll go for human?"

"You don't have a very good survival instinct, do you?" He got a ping on his omnitool. It was a message from Shepard, '_Thane is dead. Location?'_

He typed a response and sighed deeply, heart thumping a funeral march in his chest. He bowed his head and sent a prayer to follow the assassin to his new home. He looked up into James' questioning eyes, "Thane just died. Shepard is coming here, probably."

"That's the drell assassin, right? I had a look at the crew dossiers they found on the Normandy. Tell me about him."

"I don't even know where to begin. He was...one of us, part of us, part of the ship and part of Shepard." Garrus paused in thought, "He was a father, not the best, but he tried to fix it in the end. He was brilliant and he was one slick son of a bitch."

James laughed and signaled for another round. Garrus started telling stories, all the stories about Thane and his quiet ways, his hidden sense of humor. Shepard had joined them at some point and just listened, her face so still, emotionless. He watched her as he spoke and it seemed to him that it was helping ease that cold knot she'd made of her heart. Soon she was smiling faintly, even adding details to his stories that he'd missed. Joker and EDI wandered over, to join the gathering of shipmates.

Joker had some stories to tell and Garrus laughed with the rest, his heart lighter with the sharing of grief. Shepard said softly, "Remember that time Mordin sang Gilbert and Sullivan in the lounge?"

Joker and Garrus groaned in unison,then laughed. It set off another round of stories, these about Mordin and his inappropriately loose definition of doctor-patient confidentiality. James prompted them when it got quiet, keeping them from becoming maudlin, cajoling them laughingly. Garrus was grateful to him, the human knew how to help them with their grief. It was a lesson that Garrus took to heart. He thought of the man they'd left on the Normandy. Javik should be here, in this shared comraderie, but he'd kept himself apart, he was not part of them..._yet, _the thought whispered in his mind.

With a guilty start, he remembered Liara. She definitely should be here, with them. He sent a message to her and got a cryptic response in return, '_Am working on project with J. Will try to come out later.'_

Garrus showed the message to Shepard, whose eyebrows shot up in surprise. James, watching them over his beer, said, "Spill the beans, Scars. What's up?"

"Liara says she's working on a project with Javik and doesn't want to come drink with us." He shared incredulous looks with everyone around the table.

Joker chuckled, "Does she mean working...or _working?"_

They laughed at the lascivious wiggle of Joker's eyebrows. EDI gave him a sidelong look, "I don't understand, Jeff, the words sound the same minus the curious emphasis the second time."

"It means...I just-I'll tell you later." Flustered, he finally took in her amused head tilt, "Aw, you knew what I meant. Why do you do that?"

"Maybe I like to see you turn that interesting shade of red. Like the time I found all those pictu-"

"Okay, you can shut up now. The 'Embarrass Joker' hour is over." The crew laughed as Joker stood, his face indeed red and he left the table for the bar.

Garrus spoke to EDI, "You better go talk to him, you know how broody he can be."

EDI said, "I will apologize...maybe."

And she left, too and the trio that remained at the table laughed. James leaned toward the other two and said, voice low, "Seriously, Doc and Buggy? Not that I don't think our resident prothean jerk needs to get laid, but..."

"Stranger things have happened." Garrus looked askance at Shepard, who had a tiny little smile on her face as she sipped her beer. James rolled his eyes at them.

"Maybe I'll go find out if Aria has a date." The marine left the lovers alone and Garrus reached out to pull Shepard's stool closer to his.

"Brave man." Garrus turned her face to him with a finger and thumb on her chin, "Are you okay?"

She took his hand in both of hers and sighed, "It's easier, now. All those memories, it's like they never left."

"Maybe they didn't." He smiled at her.

"Maybe they didn't. I still miss them."

"Me, too. You scared me today."

"I know. I'm sorry." Their short sentences were all that was needed. A wealth of information flew between them with every syllable. Garrus rumbled in his chest at the pleasure of having her near. Doubt abated for now, he just basked in her presence. "It's getting harder to keep an even keel, but I'm trying, Garrus."

"I know." He pressed his mouthplates to her temple and a sudden impulse struck him, "Dance with me?"

She laughed, pulling back to see if he was joking, saw he was not, "You dance, Vakarian?"

"I've studied the theory, yes. Even field tested it once or twice." He led her upstairs where the music pounded loudest.

She gasped when he spun her into his arms, "So I see. I bet you say that to all the ladies."

"You make it sound like I'm some sort of Don Juan. Really, other than a few encounters, my experience has been all theoretical." They swayed easily together, moving across the dance floor as fluidly as they dodged bullets.

"Mm-hmm," she said doubtfully, "so you're saying, all this...and that one day on Earth, was the first time you'd ever done romance."

He chuffed at her chidingly, "I'm a tactician. When I plan to do things, I'm thorough."

"What about spontaneity? So this dancing, was it planned?" Her eyes gleamed invitingly at him from under her long lashes. He was starting to feel desire coil in his loins.

"There's a generous budget in the plan for spontaneity." He twirled her out to arm's length and pulled her back to him, her soft intake of breath music to his ears. Garrus felt excited anticipation for a different sort of physical activity assail him with its siren song. He ran a hand through her short locks and stared intently into her eyes. They smoldered at him from her beautiful face and he rolled his hips into her with the beat of the music.

"So what's your plan now? Will it be thorough?" Her breathy words made him growl low in his throat and he fought the urge to take her here, in this public place.

Garrus nipped at her earlobe, breathing, "Isn't it always?"

She moaned, "Ship. Now."

They walked quickly to the exit, winding their way through the crowds of inebriated partygoers. The elevator took forever to get to their level and they attacked each other as soon as the doors closed. He cursed the armor he was wearing and felt her scrabble for the seals. His hands were all over her, sliding under her shirt to feel the dip of her waist. He groaned as his lower armor came free, and her hands found his erection tenting the material of his underarmor. She pulled his pants down to his greaves and slid to the floor on her knees. He felt overwhelming panic when he saw what she was about to do, "Jane, what are you- I don't think-"

And then her mouth engulfed the tip of his member and his knees tried to buckle, he supported almost all of his weight on his arms where they'd latched onto the rails along the walls. It was indescribable, this hot shot of pleasure that coursed through him. She fed inch after inch into that wet, red mouth and he felt his mandibles spread in what he was sure was the silliest expression of astonishment ever conceived. She paused halfway down and looked up at him wickedly, her eyes dancing with mirth. Then her cheeks hollowed and he bucked helplessly, eyes screwed shut in ecstasy, fucking her mouth in a way that he hoped wasn't hurting her, because he had not one ounce of restraint over his hips.

He convulsed with every swipe of that tongue around the head of his cock like he was being whipped. And the suction, the fucking suction, he'd never imagined. As he started to lose control, he was struck by the horrifying vision of what it would mean to cum in her throat, suffocating her and with a choking gasp, pulled her off just as the first streams of silvery fluid surged from him to splat along her cheek, the head of his cock engorged in a large ball of nerves. She squeezed it, opening her mouth to accept his issue. The erotic sight nearly made him cum again and he trembled from head to toe. He wheezed eloquently, "Fuck..."

He slid to his knees, unable to support his weight, breath heaving in and out. Shepard chuckled and he growled, reaching out to drag her by her hips to him. Garrus spun her around and pulled her hips tight to his, reaching around to dip his hand into her pants. His still hard cock twitched spasmodically when his fingers encountered no barrier of cloth between pants and skin. Shepard looked at him over her shoulder, voice a sultry growl, "There was a cut in the panty budget."

He couldn't wait any longer, he pulled her pants down roughly and sunk his finger into her soaking cleft, bringing a handful of her juices to lubricate his cock. The tip was still distended and sensitive, but he pushed it into her regardless of his or her discomfort, sinking the last few inches in with a grunt. She bowed her back deliciously before him, her shirt riding up to show him her smooth skin and he slid almost completely out of her before slamming back in, punishing her for the naughty, dirty thing she'd done with her mouth. He pounded her ruthlessly, making her shift along the floor with the fervor of his thrusts. Frustration made him growl and he picked her up bodily and pinned her against the window of the elevator, finally she couldn't shift away from him and he relished the slap of his plated flesh on her soft pink flesh as he moved in and out with increasing speed. He lost count of how many times he came and how many times her pussy clenched around his shaft.

Finally spent, he retracted from her slowly, seed sliding down her inner thighs to soak into her pants, which were still around her ankles and she heaved great gasping breaths in time with his. She slid bonelessly to the decking, saying with awe, "Holy fuck..."

Garrus lifted her to her feet and pulled up her pants, she dropped the edge of her shirt down to cover the stains. With shaking hands, he put his own clothes and armor in order, whispering hoarsely, "We are quite the eloquent pair."

"Eloquent doesn't cut it sometimes." She ran a hand through her hair, wincing at how it stuck up with some of his spunk embedded in it. "Thank god these elevators are so slow."

"Was that thorough enough for you?" He leaned in for a lingering kiss, nipping her chin and all the way up her jawline. She giggled.

"I am thoroughly fucked. You might have to carry me into the ship." She yelped as he lifted her over his shoulder, slapping her buttock playfully. The doors opened and he ran for the ship, past the wide eyed stares of the C-Sec agents in the hall and right into the safety of the airlock, "EDI, is anyone in CIC?"

"No one but Comm Specialist Traynor, Shepard. Would you like me to have her run diagnostics in the AI Core?" The machine's voice sounded amused.

"Do it." Garrus slapped her butt again and she swung a glare on him, "Are you going to put me down now? We're in the ship."

"No." He laughed at her expression of mock anger, "Did you see those salarians watching us through the glass of the elevator?"

"No! Why didn't you-" Shepard gasped in horror, her hand over her mouth.

His face broke out into a devious grin, unable to keep a straight face.

She slapped his shoulder as she realized he was joking,"There were no salarians!"

And as he carried her through the empty CIC to the elevator, he cajoled her, "No, but there could have been, Jane. You did a naughty, naughty thing to me and I'm going to have to punish you...thoroughly."


	8. Chapter 8

The last thing he expected to see when he left the battery that morning after his morning diagnostics was Kaiden, standing in the galley, eating a sandwich. The human biotic waved a greeting at him as he walked in, swallowing his mouthful of meat and bread, "Hey, Garrus. How's it hangin'?"

Garrus smiled thinly at him, trying not give away his utter surprise at his presence, stopping to get a cup of cha, not the good stuff unfortunately, it was the freeze-dried sort that was all you got in military rations. "Well, you know, internally."

Kaiden choked on his sandwich, a laugh trying to bypass the food in his throat, "Right. Forgot. Sorry. Not trying to be racist."

"Relax, Kaiden." He sipped his drink as he watched Kaiden eat. "Sooo...what are you doing here? Uh, in the galley, I mean?"

"Oh, I was bored just sitting in the crew quarters, so I thought I'd see the new Normandy. It's bigger." Kaiden cast his gaze around, taking in the scenery. Garrus was thinking how eerie it was to see the man here, standing pretty much in the same spot he'd occupied on the original Normandy, only now it was a kitchen, not a workstation. "Almost too big to be a frigate."

"Right. Did you notice our alarming lack of mako downstairs?"

"I _did_ notice...and then promptly forgot in case it was some kind of cosmic oversight. I didn't want to bring attention to it." Kaiden smiled when Garrus laughed, almost spitting out his cha. "They got you bunked somewhere more comfortable than the back of a tank this time?"

"Yeah, the comforts of private sector engineering." He didn't elaborate, carefully avoiding the subject. His eyes latched onto the insignia on Kaiden's uniform, "So, you're a Spectre now. That's pretty...cool."

"I know, the second human Spectre. It hardly seems like it's possible. Huh." Kaiden smoothed his hair, a self-deprecating smile on his lips. Then he looked at Garrus, intently, "It got pretty hairy down there, with the council. I'm, well, not happy with the way it went down, but I'm glad you didn't shoot me."

His brows lifted in shock, the biotic had certainly changed. This new Kaiden was insightful and intelligent, not the lost varren pup he used to be, "I'm...glad too, Kaiden. It would be difficult to have to shoot a friend."

There was a flash of something in Kaiden's eyes, indecipherable and Garrus wondered at it briefly as he sipped his drink. Kaiden finished off his sandwich and leaned on the counter, "I'm sorry about your friend, Krios. He was a good man, we spoke a lot while I was going through physical therapy."

"I appreciate it, Kaiden. He was a good friend. I'm sure he'll put in a good word for us." Garrus pondered why it was so difficult to feel connected to this man who'd been part of Shepard's crew. It should be easy, the energy should flow. And yet it did not, maybe it was some lingering resentment on Garrus' part or something to do with Kaiden's long absence. Feeling connected to Liara hadn't been a chore, something was amiss here.

* * *

"He keeps asking about Lola, I think he's getting a little suspicious." James threw a punch that connected with Garrus' cheek. This distracting train of thought was killing his defenses. "Did they use to have a thing?"

Garrus tossed out a half hearted kick, "I don't think so. There were signs, but I didn't think they'd gotten anywhere. She didn't seem interested past a certain point."

"Huh." James dodged Garrus' lackluster efforts, sighing with frustration, "Hey, if you don't want to dance with me, then why did you sign the card?"

"What? Just how many idioms do you humans have?" Garrus swept his doubts aside and concentrated on the sparring.

"Lots. Why? You gonna write a book?" James smiled savagely, happy to see that the game was still on. He spun a roundhouse kick that Garrus leapt away from. The turian bounced back with a flurry of punches, grinning as James blocked every one. He was learning.

"Yeah, I'll be rich. 'The Galaxy's Guide to Ridiculous Human Idioms'. " Garrus dropped into a low spin, tripping Vega who rolled back to his feet, popping his neck before putting his fists back up.

"It'll be right next to 'The Galaxy's Guide to Krogan Digestion' ." James snorted at his own joke, pulling his arm back for a haymaker. Garrus leapt upon that arm, using his weight to bring the man to the mat, twisting around to lock him in an armbar. James tapped out, and the men rolled back to their feet.

"Only you'd be that interested in flatulence, Vega." Garrus quipped, grinning as James burst into a hearty laugh.

They were en route to Grissom Academy, where Cerberus was trying kidnap biotically gifted students, probably for more sick experimentation. Garrus shuddered at the vile thought. That's all they needed, more _repurposed_ Cerberus agents.

Since he'd been...interfering with the missions by sending his guys out to take care of them, it had been blissfully quiet around the ship. At first, Shepard had welcomed the respite without question, but he could see she was also getting suspicious at the lack of activity. He'd have to dial it back for a while if he didn't want her to catch on to what he was doing. He was almost having fun with all this...espionage type stuff.

Garrus turned to James, who'd been gathering up his stuff, "Is that it, one little defeat and you're running away?"

James put his towel back down, shrugging, "I thought you were done, Scars, you were off in la-la land. What's so nice that you spend so much time there?"

The turian squared up with James again, "I think maybe_ you_ could do with some more introspection."

"You sayin' I don't think?" James came at him in a run, trying to barrel him over and Garrus easily sidestepped him, giving him a little shove to help him along into a wall. The human rolled with the impact, "Tryin' to hurt my feelings, Scars?"

Garrus snapped a knee into James' ribs, following it up with a ringing blow to the side of the human's head. James staggered back, shaking his head, Garrus laughed, "Maybe I'm trying to knock you _conscious."_

"Funny." James' breath came in spurts as he chased Garrus around the room, not landing a single blow on the turian. Garrus was in pure out-think mode, just letting his mind work out what was coming next, seeing the possibilities, goading James into making predictable choices. He could see the frustration starting to come out in James' erratic attacks. Finally, the human stopped and said with a rueful smile, "I think I liked you better when you were distracted. Maybe we should talk about Lola some more."

* * *

So this was the worthy thing that Thane said Jack was doing. As he looked around, he couldn't help but agree. Jack was still Jack, but a kinder, less painridden Jack. She had taken these kids into her heart, much the same way Shepard had her crew. The ghosts were probably still there but there was peace in her gaze. And it made him glad.

"Dammit, how many times did I tell you not to trust Cerberus?" Shepard rubbed her jaw from where Jack had punched her, turning a rueful smile on the biotic.

"You're not telling me anything I haven't told myself." Shepard replied mildly.

"Aw, you feel bad? Well shit, I bet that's a big comfort to all the people Cerberus has killed." Jack leaned toward Shepard, her eyes misting in grief. Shepard nodded, accepting this recrimination without argument.

Garrus spoke up, not wanting her to continue her tirade, "As charming as ever."

Jack looked at him from over Shepard's shoulder, her mouth a painted sneer, but her eyes warm, "Bite me, Garrus. Or better yet, bite her. Probably how she likes it."

Garrus coughed in embarrassment and tried his best not to look at the third in their little triad. Kaiden watched with seeming detached interest, showing not a single sign that he'd heard. The turian suddenly wondered why they were hiding it at all. He and Shepard had started tiptoeing around the biotic ever since he'd got on board. It did nothing to ease his doubts about her intentions when it came to Garrus and their relationship. He fretted, silently, as he watched Jack and Shepard converse.

Garrus' eye was drawn to those students up there, who spun in Jack's orbit. Who'd have thought that Jack of all people would show leadership potential? Why did he never see it before? Shepard clearly had, if her approving smile was any clue. Jack was working for the Alliance now,_ hmmm interesting. _No uniform as such, but maybe someday that would change. Stranger things, indeed.

Shepard moved off to look for some Cerberus tech that was interfering with the station wide camera feeds and Garrus leaned against the wall opposite where Jack stood, mirroring her stance. She looked at him, waiting for him to say something first. Garrus shifted nervously, "So...Thane's...gone."

Pain flickered in her eyes as she looked away, she clutched herself tighter for a moment before sighing, "I know."

Garrus thought about how she would have heard and said, "Kolyat."

"Yeah...Got the news about two hours before Cerberus knocked on the door." Her voice was low and he saw a single tear drop off her chin. He moved to stand next to her and pulled her into a one armed hug. She wrapped her arms around him loosely, her head against his chest armor. "I made so many mistakes, Garrus. That's one that haunts me."

"Hmm, that's pretty much what he said about you. I'm sure his thoughts were with you at the end."

She pushed him away, "Enough of this touchy feely crap. I'll deal with it later, right now I gotta make sure my kids are safe."

Garrus laughed at her gently, "Our Jack, fierce protector of the weak and defenseless."

She scowled at him, "You wouldn't think they were so weak and defenseless if I threw them at you."

"No I'm sure I wouldn't." He chuckled again as Shepard came toward them, brushing past Kaiden, who was conversing with some of the students. The lock on the door behind them turned yellow.

Shepard signaled the two men to follow her and together they pried the door open. She turned to Jack and the biotic students, "Everyone be ready. We'll go in first and draw their fire."

Jack called back, "We'll shadow you from the second level and hit those fu...those _guys_ from above."

Garrus grinned at her, maybe she hadn't changed that much. "Gives them some cover, too."

Shepard looked over the small army, letting her face reflect that Jack was part of her and that made them a part of her too. The teenagers stood straighter under her regard, taller, "Just time your shots and stay safe."

Jack turned to her students, "Alright, I didn't bust my ass training you so you could die down here. Keep low, pick your targets."

A message on station wide broadcast lit up their omnitools and Garrus heard an oily voice drone, "Students of Grissom Academy. The station is sealed. The Alliance soldiers cannot save you. All they can do is get you killed. Surrender peacefully and you won't be harmed."

Jack spat an invective, "Pft. Assholes!"

Sanders broke into the communications and told them all the switch to privacy mode so they couldn't be tracked.

One of the students said fearfully, "What if-what if they're not lying?"

Jack stalked toward her, "What? You see the scars, Rodriguez? Take a good look. Cerberus did this to me when I was half your age."

She turned to the rest of them, "Surrender and you're meat on a slab. We're trying to save your asses."

Rodriguez took a deep breath, shuddering, "Yeah, yeah, okay."

Shepard turned to the open door, "Let's go."

She pulled her gun up and fiddled with her ammo and Garrus watched the display on his rifle change to warp ammo. That was different, he wondered what she was planning over there, that devious woman. They moved out into the courtyard where predictably, they were attacked. There were Cerberus soldiers everywhere. Kaidan moved to engage, closer than Garrus was comfortable with but as he watched the man, he could see that whatever he'd done while he was away from Shepard and the Normandy, it had given him a deadly edge in combat. Shepard stayed near Garrus, letting Kaidan take point.

Kaidan was swarmed and he pulled up a biotic barrier to try to fend them off. Shepard leaned close to Garrus, pointing at the biotic, "Concussive shot."

He obeyed without thinking and reeled back in surprise as Kaidan's barrier detonated, taking out four soldiers simultaneously. Shepard patted Garrus' shoulder and moved out of cover, leaping over low walls to pound their opposition with her shotgun. Garrus grinned, _this is going to be fun._

He kept an eye out for Kaidan's barrier to detonate while he scoped and dropped all the troops he could see. They were making mincemeat out of the enemy. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see satisfaction on the human biotic's face. He was enjoying this and so was Garrus, truth be told. He'd forgotten that the biotic was basically a good guy, it must have been overshadowed by Garrus' envy on the first Normandy, then his anger at the human on Horizon.

With one last loud detonation, the way was clear and Shepard sauntered over to pat Kaidan's shoulder with a huge grin on her face, "It's good to have you back, Alenko."

The biotic flushed under her praise, "It's good to be back, Shepard."

Garrus ignored the pang of jealousy that struck him in the chest and followed Shepard into the corridor.

* * *

_Oh, this is just not fair._ He leaned against a wall and watched Shepard use that Atlas to pound the crap out of the Cerberus soldiers who dared show their faces. Kaidan sat on a chair next to him, ankle resting on his knee, hands interlaced on top of his head. Garrus patted his pockets and pulled out his cigarettes, he lit one and pulled in a deep drag. He offered one to the biotic, who laughed, "You smoke now?"

"Spend a lot of time around humans, you pick up bad habits." Garrus smiled down at him, gesturing to the rampaging Atlas, "Those poor saps."

"Right? Shame she's blasting holes in these kids' school though."

The mech moved back to them, all the enemy forces had been put down with a vengeance. Garrus looked up into that canopy and snarked, "Why do you even bring us along? If you're just going to hog all the fun?"

"Eye candy, mostly." A large mechanical finger came up and poked him in the chest, he rocked with the force of it, "I almost got hit a couple of times. Where was my cover, Vakarian?"

"You had it, plus I know how you like to get in close and personal. You know you were grinning when that centurion fell under your boot." He shook his head at her expression of denial, "You stepped on him twice."

Somehow, she got the mechanical monstrosity to shrug, comically. The two men laughed as she stepped down from the cockpit, her face flushed with savage excitement. "Let's get these kids off this station."

Once they were on their commandeered Cerberus shuttle, Shepard contacted the Normandy, "Joker, we flew out on a Cerberus shuttle. Watch your fire."

"Right, I've got you on sensors. Should just be a minute."

Sanders turned to Shepard, "Thank you, Commander. We'd never have gotten off that station if you hadn't come."

"Ffu-" Jack's eyes darted to Sanders, whose brows had dipped in warning, "Forget that. We kicked some ass. Next place we dock, you're all going to get inked. My treat."

She swayed with the turbulence, looking out over them with pride, "What do you want? Ascension project logo? Glowing fist? Maybe a unicorn for Rodriguez?"

"Screw you, ma'am!" Laughter ensued, Garrus joined in heartily. These kids were going to be okay. No, not okay, brilliant.

Sanders interrupted their mirth, "I can't believe we got them out alive. I was going to suggest they stick to support roles. But perhaps they're ready after all."

Shepard exchanged a long look with Jack, "They're definitely ready. But the Alliance needs them in a support role."

This was met with groans and boos. One, the one called Prangley, said, "What? We trained for artillery strikes."

"We don't need another artillery unit. We need stronger barriers for our front line squads." It was gently said, Shepard showed them she knew how eager they were. They'd had a taste of the joy of battle, but they were so raw and it would be no kindness to Jack to send them to their deaths.

"This is bullshit!" Rodriguez yelled.

Jack silenced them all with a wave of her hand, "Hey, if that's where they need us, that's where we'll go. Besides, I'm sure we'll get some shots in."

Garrus watched them as their eyes lit with fervor. Someday soon, the galaxy would be in trouble. This pack of warriors in training will do great things. Hopefully, they'd be around to see it. He exchanged a glance with Kaidan, who smiled crookedly, "Wish I'd had an instructor like her when I was at Brain Camp."

"Oh? Think you'd survive her creative teaching style?" Garrus chuffed a laugh. "Maybe we should start a school. Shepard could head the 'Kicking Ass' department."

"And the 'Bat-shit Crazy' department." Shepard herded Jack and the young biotics off the shuttle and Garrus laughed at her for being so maternal. She mimed a playful kick at the last one, who turned and stuck her tongue out at Shepard. "She's...different now. But a good kind of different. Human."

"So very human." Garrus agreed, watching her fondly as he picked up his things.

Kaidan got up and walked to the hatch, "Only human."

Garrus shot him a look, "You say that like it's an apology."

"What do you think will happen when she reaches her limit?" Kaidan's words filled him with a nameless dread, "This thing they all want her to do, it's liable to kill her."

"That won't happen, she won't let it happen." Garrus was adamant, "How many suicide missions is it now? And she just laughed it off."

"Her luck's gotta run out someday, Garrus." His words drifted off.

"Then we'll have to have enough luck for her. Kaidan, why are you here if you're so afraid?" Garrus saw the answer in the man's eyes as he turned to look at him. He loved her, as much as Garrus loved her. Had he been pining this whole time? What torture for him then to be torn between her and duty. He'd chosen duty at the sacrifice of his heart. How many hearts did Shepard own now?

Garrus felt deep fear then that he was going to lose her, in every way. She'd already turned aside his heart, if not his body. What if she gave her heart to this human? Could Garrus stand to be apart from her? Doubt assailed him, made his limbs want to quake, but he stood tall, schooled his expression into blankness and walked past Kaidan to the battery, where he'd found solace before and would again.


	9. Chapter 9

His eyes opened blearily. Confused, he looked around at the battery. Slowly, his thoughts came together. That's right, he'd fallen asleep after 16 hours of solid calibrating. The work had helped with the doubt that plagued him, but not until he'd gone cross-eyed from exhaustion. Stiffly, he got up from the crate he'd fallen asleep on and stretched sore aching muscles. Ruefully, he thought about how spoiled he was now, warm beds and hot showers. He remembered having no problem before sleeping in full armor in trenches or in high perches._ I must be getting old._

His omnitool pinged, telling him he had messages. Guiltily, he saw that they were from Shepard. '_Working late?' _said the first and '_Miss you.' _said the second. He typed a response, '_Sorry, was up late with calibrations. You know me and calibrations.'_

She immediately sent a reply, _'On Citadel. Got meetings, meet later?'_

_'Sure, maybe lunch?'_

_'Dinner'd be better.'_

_'It's a date.' _He grinned to himself, maybe he'd finally be able to bring himself to tell her, away from the ship and prying eyes, sensors, whatever. He showered quickly, pulling on his spare armor while humming tunelessly. He formed a loose plan of scouting out certain restaurants for their date, nice ones. Maybe a walk on the presidium or maybe a drink after somewhere. He reached into his carryall and pulled out a wad of cloth, unwrapping it slowly, carefully. He'd packed this so long ago it seemed, even though it had only been a few months.

His mother's wristlet lay in his lap, light shining off it's metal surface. There was stone inlaid in patterns on the silvery cuff, spirals and rings that represented eternity. It seemed to embody hope for him at that moment, hope in the future, a future with her. He was eager now to tell her. He wrapped it back up and secured it in a convenient armor compartment and left the Normandy.

First thing he did was check on the refugees, made sure they had all the supplies they needed, it was never enough, but they were grateful for what he could give them. Then he coordinated a joint turian military/C-Sec task force to weed out any more insurgents, Bailey thanked him in person. He did lots of small random tasks to help stifle his nerves about that night's plan.

Garrus was walking along the commons when a familiar laugh grabbed his attention. Shepard was down there somewhere and he smiled as he approached the banister. What he didn't expect and what instantly shot him full of alarm and panic was that she was enjoying a meal with Kaidan. His heart seemed to stop in his chest as he watched them converse. Her face was open, happy, he couldn't see Alenko's from this angle and he sure as hell couldn't move, could barely breathe from the pressure of his heart beating against his lungs.

How long he stood there watching them, he had no idea, only that every smile, every laugh lashed him with a thousand agonizing doubts. Time slowed to a crawl as he watched in agony. She put her hand over Kaidan's intimately and the biotic leaned toward her. Sudden blackness, he realized with a start that his eyes had shut, some kind of self defense mechanism, but his damned imagination supplied him with lips colliding, tongues entwining, and that human's hands running through those fiery locks. He mewled, deep in his throat, just keeping himself from collapsing and turned away without looking again. Betrayal, a hundred times worse than Sidonis' rocked him, it wasn't her betrayal, never hers, but the betrayal of his own folly, his own perception of reality.

He found himself back on the Normandy, not really sure how he'd got there. Several hours must have passed as he'd stared blankly at his monitors, mind empty save for the consuming river of doubt that threatened to drown him. He jumped when he heard the doors slide open behind him, Shepard's lightly amused voice rolled over him, "You are full of surprises, Garrus. Can't say being stood up was a nice one-"

She seemed to notice something was wrong then and stopped, hand just inches from touching his trembling arm. Garrus didn't look at her face, turned his face from her, mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to voice the awful fear that gripped him, finally he managed weakly, "What is this between us, Shepard? What exactly is it? I'm so confused. I thought..."

He drifted off into silence, his whole being aching in her presence, he smelled saltwater and realized she was weeping. Why didn't she answer him? He wanted to scream at her, desperate to know, once and for all, what she felt for him, if anything. He still couldn't bring himself to look at her, in case all he saw was Kaidan kissing that mouth, his fingers in her hair. He felt her shudder over there alone, withdrawing from him completely and it wrenched at him. Finally, his eyes drifted over to hers and he saw...grief, sadness and knew it was over, just knew it. She swallowed thickly, "I've been selfish, I see that now."

His mind howled at him to make it better, fix it, but it was too late. She spun on her heel and palmed the door lock, she whispered, "I'm sorry."

Far too late, he ran at the door that had cruelly cut off his sight of her, but stopped just short of opening it to go after her. He lay his forehead against it and keened softly. His heart was well and truly gone now, that riotous noise in his chest was merely machinery keeping him alive.

* * *

The days crawled by at an agonizing pace. He pretended everything was okay, smiled, laughed, but he was hollow. He threw himself into his work, doubled the runtimes on the Normandy's weapon systems that he usually put in. Kaidan lead a team now and Garrus begged off the missions he could, he was doing valuable work, he told them. And he was, though it seemed Cicero was getting annoyed with him for the numerous requests for updates and deployment manifests.

One comfort was that his people on Palaven were almost all evacuated to safer locations and the new krogan reinforcements had fought the Reapers to almost a standstill. Still no word from his family, but he kept enough hope in his heart for that if nothing else. Whenever they docked at the Citadel, he often traveled to close turian outposts to check their defenses personally, sometimes leaving the Normandy for days. He didn't see much of Shepard, she was in negotiations with the quarians. He couldn't stand to be near her anyway, it was too painful to yearn after her after she'd shown him that she didn't want him.

Garrus left the QE comm room to see a very familiar set of hips across the room from him. He snuck up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder, smiling at the little squeak she made as she spun around, "Garrus! Don't do that!"

"Do what?" He smiled down at her, "Greet an old friend?"

She tsked at him, looking around his shoulder to the other quarian, "Nooo...undermine my authority. I'm an admiral now. I have to be respectable."

"Okay okay, Tali. I'll let you stay respectable. I won't hug you and lift you up and spin you around and completely destroy your image." Garrus stood back and lifted his hands up in surrender, "I _really_ wanna, though. I missed you, short stuff."

"What's with the nicknames? That human in the cargo bay called me Sparks, I've known him for maybe two days?"

"It's a quirk, kinda like how you used to twirl a wrench in the air. I have to tell you putting up with the racket when you dropped it was a chore." Garrus smirked at her, when her shoulders drew up in exasperation.

"Look, if you wanna catch up, we'll have to do it later. I'm in the middle of things right now." She turned from him back to the terminal, waving her hand dismissively, "Message me when you're off duty."

He snorted as he left, as if he was ever off duty. Actually, now that he thought about it, when was the last time he even slept? It didn't matter, plenty of time to rest when he was dead. He made his way back to the battery. As the doors opened, he caught sight of the sad pile of his belongings off to the right. He'd moved out of the loft the day they'd...talked, couldn't see himself going up there anytime he needed his toothbrush or underwear so he'd just vacated.

He didn't even know if she'd noticed, really. That wasn't fair, she noticed. He was just wallowing in self pity now. Garrus knew it was his fault, he hadn't read the situation right, and found it ironic that he was again in the same position that he'd been on the original Normandy. He adored her from afar, wished her all the joy she was searching for, no matter whose arms she ended up in. It was a pitiful sort of martyrdom and it brought him next to no comfort.

No one commented on any strange behavior from her, so he must be right about her not wanting..._more_ with him. She went on missions regularly, he'd indeed toned down his covert ops. The few glimpses of her face he'd seen, she seemed happy and it was enough, barely. It wasn't lost on him that she spent a lot more time with Kaidan now, they were often seen together poring over the galaxy map, much like they had once long ago. He avoided that area for that reason, he didn't need nostalgia like that.

He got a ping on his omnitool saying to meet Shepard at the airlock, full kit and as he ran to the elevator, he felt the concussive shocks of explosions around the ship. Tali caught up to him before the doors closed and he said, "What the hell is going on?"

"I guess we're hitting the geth dreadnought now." They took a quick ride down to the cargo bay to fetch his armor and helmet and headed back up. The lift was slow and Garrus bounced in place, checking all his weapons and their mods. Tali looked at him and he saw one of her eyes go dark, that must be a wink, "So, that Vega's kinda cute. If you like burly...and human."

"Whatever happened to that guy that was following you around on Haestrom?" He put his helmet on, checking the seals. All systems were green on his HUD.

"Kal'reegar? He's cute, too. I think."

"So, you guys never...linked suits?" He smiled in his helmet at her, knowing she'd hear it in his voice.

"Keelah, Garrus you don't just ask a girl that." She laughed lightly and the doors opened. They trotted through CIC to the airlock where Shepard waited, fully helmeted and ready. She'd taken the Terminus armor out of storage and he had to admit, it looked damned good on her. It was almost tailored to her curves and he swallowed a lump down, glad she couldn't see his face.

"Alright, once we're aboard, we'll find whatever's broadcasting the Reaper signal and shut it down." She moved swiftly, her voice even and light, "Tali's our expert on geth software. She'll be handling hacking and security."

"It's good to have you back, Tali. Maybe with another dextro aboard, they'll get better turian food." Garrus chuckled, trying not to let his gaze drift sideways to Shepard.

"As long as it's sterilized."

A thought occurred to him, "Dr. Michel did get me some dextro-amino chocolate. You're welcome to it once we're back."

Surprise in both women's stances and they glanced at each other, Tali said hesitantly, "She got you turian chocolate?"

"She said it was a gift of gratitude. For saving her life." He shrugged, but this didn't seem to satisfy Tali's sudden silence, "What?"

Tali turned to Shepard, "Watch yourself, Shepard."

It slowly dawned on him how it looked. Accepting gifts from other women, then offering the same to another woman. He really did need to learn to shut the hell up. He felt the pressure of Shepard's regard on the back of his neck as he waited for the door to open, and resented it just a little. She owned his heart, wasn't that enough for her? He was denied hers and her company now as well, what was left to him? Nothing, just the mission. Just keeping her safe.

EDI's voice came over the comms, "Shepard, there is a problem, all tubes except one are physically secured."

Joker added, "I see the free one, pretty torn up, though."

Shepard turned to look at them both, "Too risky for the whole team. I'll secure the docking area. Everyone else can follow me over."

Joker said, "Roger that, Commander. We'll just stay here, you know...quietly."

Shepard turned to the door, "Hang tight, it'll just be a minute."

Garrus watched her through the porthole as she slowly made her way along the umbilicus. It was in bad, bad shape, most of it was open to space. Her magboots must be the only thing keeping her anchored. He heard a click and after looking at his omnitool, realized that her comms were cut off completely. "EDI, why has she gone silent?"

"I don't know, Garrus, there's nothing wrong with her suit. I am forced to conclude that she turned it off herself." Garrus exchanged a look with Tali and kept watching the tiny figure of Shepard walking alone out there and felt dread seeping into his bones. Something was wrong and it sent alarms jangling in his mind.

Tali spoke in the hush, "Why would she do that?"

Shepard stopped, her figure stock still and his heart thumped painfully. Then she took a couple more steps and stopped again, her shoulders slumping slightly. He wanted to pound on the door, or open it and rush out to her, find out why she halted. He didn't want to think of her panicking out there, only a short jolt away from flying off into space. He started breathing harshly, willing her to move, "You can make it. Go on."

Finally, as if she'd heard him, she moved, one slow step after another. She'd neared the other end when the whole thing broke in two and he heard sharp inhalations of breath all around, even from EDI. Heard his own voice say, in entreaty, "Spirits, _no."_

Once the debris cleared, they could see her on the other side, she waved that she was alright. A sharp click and she was back in his ear, her voice strangely tight and emotionless, "Looks like the rest of the team isn't using the docking tube."

Joker's relieved voice rang out, 'So, I'm guessing you'd rather not solo the dreadnought."

"Not if I can help it." The same tone, it chilled him as it continued, "Ask Tali to get on the dreadnought schematics. If she can point me at another docking tube, I'll override the controls and let the boarding party on."

Tali's fingers were flicking over the plans on her omnitool. Garrus silently begged her to go faster, get them over there now. He felt the overwhelming need to be near Shepard.

"I'm inside. I've got gravity again."

Tali opened her comm, "Great. I'm looking for...got it. There should be a hull breach not far from your position. The nearest undamaged docking tube is on the other side."

Garrus listened intently as Tali guided Shepard through the ship, feeling helpless. After what seemed like and eternity, Tali and he were trotting along another undamaged umbilicus. He almost cried out with relief when he saw her black and red figure up there by the terminal that let them in. She stood stiffly, her head tilted toward him. He forced himself to say calmly, "See some action?"

"Not yet." It would have been playful if it had not been so horribly lifeless. Garrus wished he could see her face, wanted to know if she was really okay. "I'm sure you can help me find them."

* * *

Unless it was crucial, there was silence. Complete deafening silence, not even Tali wanted to break it. The banter that seemed so automatic abandoned him, he would have welcomed it if it would only have kept him from thinking, his thoughts running around and around in damning circles. When she spoke, it was only in that same scary flatness. He thought a couple times that he heard shuddering breaths between, when she hadn't shut her comms off quickly enough. It ate at him, leaving a desolate hole in his guts.

Finally, the mission was complete, they'd stopped the dreadnought, Legion was coordinating attacks against the Reapers from the war room. Shepard dressed down the admirals that fired upon the vessel she and her ground team was on with a complete lack of anger that was frightening and so very un-Shepard. And she never took her helmet off during the entire debriefing.

All the gains he'd made with his ops teams, all the good they were doing in the galaxy, the pressure it was taking off Shepard, was overshadowed by her increasingly strange behavior. He fretted away his time, avoided conversations with the other crew members when they questioned them about their commander.

Case in point, Liara was with him right now, badgering him, "But why won't she talk to me?"

"As far as I can tell, she's not talking to anyone." He tried to concentrate on the work in front of him.

"What happened, Garrus?" Liara's tone was dead serious, she leaned toward him, "Did you do something...?"

Garrus shuddered, it was too much, his pulse raced as he clung to the edge of the console, mandibles aching as they clenched to his face. Fear that he had done something, something irreparable shot through him. His mind skittered around that possibility, because she'd made it abundantly clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. He didn't want to pursue that train of thought at all.

Alarmed, Liara reached for his hand, her voice concerned, "Garrus-"

The door behind them slid open and Kaidan stepped through, his brows furrowed with concern. Garrus looked over his shoulder at him, noting the way his eyes darted, saw conclusions being drawn in their dark depths. "Garrus, can I talk to you? Well, both of you now, I guess."

"Can it wait, Alenko? I've got-" Garrus concentrated on deep breaths, wishing they would just go away and leave him alone.

"No, it can't." Kaidan interrupted. He waited til he had their full attention before continuing, "Shepard just asked me to lead a mission."

"How exactly is that different than what you have been doing?" Garrus snapped at the human, angry at what he felt was a frivolous waste of his time.

"She also asked me to ask you to lead a mission." Stunned silence filled the little room that Garrus now spent almost all of his time.

Liara gasped and Garrus' mouth dried at the implication, he rasped, "She's...sitting out."

It was unprecedented. What did it mean? Garrus didn't want to examine it any closer, lest it unhinge him even more. Kaidan turned to Liara, "Will you lead the second team?"

"But Garrus-" She stammered, cut short when Kaidan held up his hand.

"Garrus is with me." Kaidan fixed him with a stare that brooked no argument. Not that he could, he was utterly speechless. Numbly, he got his stuff together and headed to the shuttle.

Six people on that shuttle and five of them all stared at him. Not a one said anything about the hole in their midst, the missing person whose presence could still be felt even in her absence. Garrus felt it all as an accusation, it tore at him with little needle teeth until he was sure he was indeed getting smaller, diminished in their gazes.

Javik, Liara and EDI left when they touched down on Cyone, a mining facility that supplied fuel to the entire Alliance fleet. Kaidan considered him from across the way as they traveled to their next destination, a planet named Arrae, where a group of ex-Cerberus scientists had holed up and hid from the Illusive Man. Garrus waited for words, anything to fill up the terrible silence, but none was forthcoming from either human in that shuttle with him. Finally, he decided to bite the bullet, "So, it's obvious that there's some kind of...thing happening here. Mind telling me what it is?"

"You tell me, Garrus. How about _you_ tell _me_?" Alenko stared through him with a tinge of hostility and Garrus felt as transparent as glass, his inner turmoil out for the galaxy to see. The human closed his eyes briefly and crossed his arms. "Why are you abandoning her?"

His stomach dropped, that wasn't how it happened, but it felt like he had nevertheless, and he swallowed, choking out, "I'm not. _ She_ left _me._"

This revelation was met with dubious silence, and how he resented them for it. He was no barefaced liar and he snarled, his regard tightly focused on the man sitting across from him, "If she's not happy, maybe you should be looking for reasons closer to home."

Kaidan's brows shot up, almost to his hairline. He leaned forward so his elbows rested on his knees, his face impassive, "Jealousy? This is about jealousy? Jesus, Vakarian, I never thought you'd be so petty. Or so cruel."

"I'm cruel? For stepping out of the way? I'd think you'd be thanking me." He spat the words, leaning away before he did something regrettable, "Who knew you'd be so terrible at making her happy."

Words meant to harm met with bitter laughter. He shot a look of irritation at Alenko, who said, "Believe me, if she let me, I would."

Garrus was stunned yet again, mouth dropping open, "But I saw you, both of you, in the commons-"

"Man, I thought I was dense." Vega softened his words with a sad smile, "Just fix it, Scars. She's even scarier than usual. She doesn't take that armor off any more, not even on the Normandy."

"I'm not saying it's as bad as it was before, Garrus, but it's getting there." Kaidan tapped his knee with a hand, "We need her."

"You need her. It's always that, isn't it? None of you seem to realize that she needs you." Garrus said bitterly, "Everyone is pushing her forward, and she never gets to just be...human."

They looked startled at this, then ashamed. Kaidan said, "I see... Is that why you have teams of turian special forces running ops all across the map?"

Garrus ducked his head guiltily, "Okay, so I'm found out, so what. None of you tried to take the pressure off, none of you seemed to care that she was straining."

"We care, Vakarian. Or are you so selfish that you don't see that." Kaidan gestured at the air between them and Garrus was ashamed, of course they cared, they were her team, part of her. He was a fool. A stupid, stupid turian. "She needs you, Garrus. Find out what's wrong and help her. You did it once."

Garrus covered his face with his hands, he'd botched it all up, in his blindness. He let his doubts and fears get the best of him, again, he whispered to himself, "Doubt and fear are your worst enemies."

Vega said, "What's that?"

"Thane, before he died, he told me doubt and fear are my worst enemies." Garrus leaned back with a pained sigh, wincing at his own inadequacy. "I needed advice, he was wise. I should have listened. I should have done a lot of things."

"Regret's a bitch, Garrus." Kaidan smiled ruefully, "I know only too well. I abandoned Shepard once, too."

Garrus eyed the man and felt sympathy, whispering, "You love her."

"Not enough." Kaidan shrugged, self deprecatingly, then nodded, "You love her."

Garrus nodded, a twinge in his heart at how easily he could admit this to anyone, but her, "Why didn't you try to-?"

"Because she doesn't love me. Not in the way I want." Kaidan's eyes flickered with pain.

Garrus felt grim resolve settle over him, gritting his teeth at the thought of the painful task that he would have to undertake, not the first and probably not the last concerning her, "I'll fix it."

Both men sighed in relief, visibly relaxing. Kaidan let out a soft laugh, "I believe it."

"Me, too." Vega grinned, hope restored.

* * *

He stood at her door and shifted in agonizing uneasiness. Garrus shook off the feeling as irrelevant to his cause and knocked quietly. He didn't use the door lock to summon her with its jarring chime, didn't want to disrupt her in any way. Footsteps walked towards him and the door slid open to reveal Shepard, still in that armor with its gleaming black angles and baleful red lights. Her voice came out of that featureless mask, slightly flanged by the mechanical interface, "Need something, Garrus?"

His heart fluttered madly in his chest and he swallowed. He looked past her and was shaken by how empty it looked in there. The fish were gone, the model ships were gone, there were no books or personal effects visible at all. "I was hoping we could...talk."

Shepard made no move to let him in, saying evenly, "It's not a good time, I have work to do."

"Shepard, I-" Her shoulders twitched ever so slightly and he longed to be able to see her face, "Can you at least take that off? It's hard to talk to a helmet."

"Maybe you should go." The words came out flat, wrong, but with a finality that crushed his hopes. She made to step back and close the door and he stepped in before she could. She seemed shocked.

"Is that what you want? Do you want me to go?" Garrus put all his grief into it, those quiet whispered words. He hadn't let himself consider the possibility of her wanting him off the Normandy until now, but was resigned to leaving if that would make this right somehow as much as it would destroy him to do it. The emptiness in here was getting to him. He couldn't even smell her in this place any more. Not one hint of rose or jasmine.

She turned and went to the couch, perching on the end uneasily, as if she were the guest here, didn't belong here, "What does it matter what I want?"

He thought this over as he went to sit on the other end of the couch, far enough away so it didn't seem like he was pressuring her for any other reason, but concern. "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. You want me to go, I'll pack tonight. I understand that you don't want to be with me or even look at me, just please don't...do this."

He gestured around the empty room, with its empty walls, her soul wasn't here any more, it had gone. Maybe the whole of it had withdrawn behind that blank mask, cut off in that shell. He turned his face to her again, "Don't...leave us."

She was as still as a statue, if not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, she might as well have been. She spoke softly, "It was a dream. Just a dream. And now I am awake."

Garrus sat in silence as his mind whirled with the possible meanings and double meanings in her simple words. "Was the dream really so terrible?"

"It breaks the heart that dreamed it, because that heart knows now that it can never be." Poetry, as if saying it in that way detached her from feeling it somehow.

He responded in kind, "It's a shame not to dream just because you may wake."

"The shame lies with the dreamer, who thought she could dream without consequence." A shudder ran through that armor clad body and he slid closer to her without really meaning to.

"If to dream is shameful, then I'm guilty, too." Closer still, until there was so little space between them.

"I see your dreams, and I have nothing to offer. I can't give you any of those things." She sighed a deeply hurt sigh and, unable to stop himself, he reached over and unsealed her mask, pulling it away from her tear-streaked, devastated face. "I'll never have the chance to."

Garrus sank to the floor in front of her like a contrite penitent, wishing he dared touch her, "I don't want them if they can't be with you."

She reached a gloved hand down to ghost along his cheek, "You deserve to have them, Garrus. Why don't you see that?"

"Do you deserve less?" By the shocked expression on her face, he suddenly knew, with utter clarity that that was exactly what she believed. He pulled her unresisting body to him, cradling her against his armored chest, whispering against her neck, "Am I another one of those things you don't get to have?"

She shook like a leaf in a storm, her eyes huge staring pools of emerald in her face, the pupils contracted down to pinpricks. Garrus moved her hair back out of her face, noting with concern that wasn't as sharp as before he'd been able to see her face that she looked feverish. She convulsed in his arms, almost writhing as she croaked, "I'll die."

"I don't care."

"I'll leave you like I did before." Her voice held horror at what would happen to him when,_ when,_ she fell. Like she was damned already for committing the crime against him.

"No, I'll be right there beside you." Garrus pulled her close then and put his forehead against hers, felt gladdened when she stilled, her eyes fluttering shut as she dropped off into complete physical and mental exhaustion. He picked her up and set her in bed, on top of those sheets that looked like they hadn't been slept in in ages. He popped the seals on her armor and removed it all to sit neatly stacked on the floor beside her. He tucked her in and sat on the edge of the bed, just watching her sleep. Which she did fitfully, turning and shaking. Her hands made fists and claws as she fought invisible enemies.

He leaned closer to hear her murmured words, almost inaudible, pleading softly, "No, you ask too much, you can't have him..."

Was she delirious? Garrus wondered if he should call Chakwas, but his visor wasn't reading dangerously high temperatures so he left it, deciding to watch over her himself. He slid down so he sat on the floor beside her, his chin resting on the blanket and held her hand as he leaned against the bed.

He woke at a light touch on his hand. He opened his eyes to see a red band around his wrist. In surprise, he brought it closer to his face to get a better look. There, in cunning loops and whirls, was her hair, braided through and through with copper chain, it was about three inches wide and latched at the base of his palm with five tiny clasps. He felt enormous joy flood through him at the sight of her favor, albeit changed into a wonder of artifice. Here was his heart, claimed once again.

Shepard watched him with soulfully big eyes as he studied the wristlet intently. She lay on her side in the bed, still wrapped up, "Do you like it?"

Speechless, he wrapped her in an engulfing embrace, pressing his forehead against hers, rumbling deep in his chest. She pulled away from him and he almost yanked her back convulsively, unwilling to be parted from her for even a second. Shepard looked at him pointedly and tapped the wristlet, "What does it mean?"

Garrus felt hot all over, guilt shaping his body from his bowed shoulders to his nervously clenching hands, but it was now or never, "It's...a wristlet. Kind of a turian thing. You, uh, never looked it up?"

"I've seen other turians wear them, but I never asked. I'm guessing it's not just jewelry." Her voice said she expected an answer.

He rubbed the back of his neck, not sure where to begin, "There's...ugh, this is difficult to explain. Turians just _know."_

_"_Start at the beginning." She prompted him and he slumped to the ground in thought.

"Turians don't talk about this usually. It's private, only between a male and female." Garrus scratched his chin, "When a male gives his heart to a female, he wears her wristlet so that everyone knows he's...um, claimed. Claimed is not an adequate word, but it's the closest thing I can think of. It's not something we take lightly, there's no taking it back."

"Why not?" Her face was curiously tight and pensive, he could see thoughts swimming around in there like sea monsters in uncharted waters.

"We're just not built that way. We may mate for duty or pleasure, but only pairbonds exchange these...tokens."

"So...when I asked for it back, you thought I was pushing you away." She winced at the implication, her face a study in guilt. He flicked his mandibles at her in consternation.

"I kept telling myself that you didn't know, I mean, how would you, unless you wanted to research obscure turian customs in your spare time." Garrus took a deep breath, "This, that I did, and didn't tell you about, for which I am so sorry, Jane, I really am, it was never meant to trap you, so if you want, we don't have to mention it again. This is something I chose-"

Her lips were on his and he shut up and closed his eyes with a sigh, just enjoying the feeling of her soft lips as they teased the skin around his mouthplates. Love was too mild a word for what he was feeling right then as he just basked in the warmth of her closeness. He reached into his armor compartment and pulled out a bundle of cloth, unwrapping it reverently and putting the silver cuff in her hands. He held his breath as she looked at it, turned it over in her hands, she gave him a crooked smile, "Is this a proposal, Garrus?"

"Think of it as a dream. Will you dream with me for a while, Jane?" Garrus poured his soul into his gaze as he looked at her there, looking so beautiful and serious.

"This is my last hurrah, Garrus. I feel it in my bones." A tear slipped down her cheek and he caught it with a finger. "There's no future for me."

"What are we fighting for if not for this?" Garrus waited as she agonized over the choice. "Please, just let me stay with you to the very end."

A sad smile broke over her face and she slid the cuff on, and he trembled at the magnitude of feeling that flooded him. "Until the end."

"That's all I could ever hope for." Garrus touched her wrist in awe and passionately pulled her to him, pressed his face to her neck and breathed her in. Her arms came around his neck and he felt complete again, just her and him on this ship full of life. There would be no future, no home, no children, no wedding and he couldn't care less at that moment. As long as he was with her. And he would take life as it came, in every breath.


	10. Chapter 10

Was it morning? It felt like morning, or maybe that was a metaphor. He curled around her just bathing in the afterglow. Her skin shone in the lamp light damply, their sweat making them stick together. Not that he minded at all, nothing could diminish this wholeness that had stolen into his being. Shepard was here, in his arms, and would be until her fate came for them both. He would welcome it as a friend when it came.

Garrus felt the rise and fall of her chest as his own, his fingers entwined with hers. Her eyes opened, as she turned her face to his, "...Do you ever wonder why they do it?"

It took him a moment to figure out who she meant. It was far removed from this peaceful refuge they'd found.

"The Reapers? I ask myself that every day. As I'm sure you do. I don't think we have enough of the puzzle pieces yet to see the big picture." Garrus drew up on his side to rest his head in his palm, looking down at her. "Or even if we'll understand the big picture when we see it."

"Hmm. Sometimes I get these intuitive flashes, like I can almost hear what they're thinking in their big, stupid machine brains. Like they're stumbling along trying to understand, too. Not us, I don't think that after millions of years we simple organics can be that much of a mystery any more." She sighed, the thoughts making her forehead crease between her brows. Garrus rubbed the spot with his thumb, eliciting a pleased hum from her. "Why, when they seem godlike in their power and understanding, do they also seem so flawed, like children dressing like adults?"

He was lost, the Reapers didn't seem that way to him. They seemed like locusts, come to raid the crop every fifty thousand years. He only saw that they killed, or otherwise turned everyone into soulless shams of themselves. But he didn't have her brilliance, wasn't as far along the path of understanding as she was. They were far outside his ability to comprehend, not that he even wanted to. Down that path lay the way to being like Saren, he thought. That insane turian who, while he had meant the best for everyone, had lost perspective on what was truly the best for each person.

Garrus shook his head at her, not knowing the answer she was looking for. She touched his face and smiled sadly. "It's a toughie, I know. I'm still working on it. Hard to wrap the brain around. You got enough grilling from Legion on the Heretic Station."

Garrus smiled at her, "I haven't had to talk that much philosophy with anyone since, well, you and I did on the first Normandy."

She turned onto her side facing him, looking up at him thoughtfully, then she smiled with humor, "I did pester you into talking a lot, didn't I."

"I didn't feel pestered, I felt...honored, I guess? That the great Commander Shepard wanted to talk shop with me, of all people."

"Don't call me that."

Her words were sharp and he looked at her blandly, "Is it bad to be considered great? You've done great things."

She shuddered and he pulled her close so her face was at his neck, "I don't want to be that. Some graven image to worship when I'm gone. I hope someone burns every piece of paper with my name on it after I'm dead."

He thought about that, it made little sense why she'd care, if she planned on being dead, "You don't want to be a martyr. And you're afraid that that's exactly what will happen."

"I'm not doing this to be great. I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing it, other than to keep the Reapers from killing everyone I love." She waved her hand vaguely, making the wristlet jangle against his chest. "That Earth is under siege seems...not exactly why either. I do hurt, god it hurts sometimes, thinking about all those brilliant little lights going out, on every world, the galaxy going dark. But there's something...like shame..."

Shepard drifted off, her breath so soft against his throat as she continued, "It's a big feeling, mournful and I can't contain all of it, it's out there and in here. It whispers in my dreams, 'it's not enough, it'll never be enough'. I am pulled to its tune."

Garrus held his breath as he considered what sounded like madness, even though she was clearly not mad. Not at the moment, anyway. Shepard leaned back to look into his face, "No, I'm not crazy and I know how it sounds. Imagine my surprise finding these things in my head, like uninvited guests."

She got up, rolling away from him and he followed her to the bathroom. Garrus paused at the door, gesturing all around them, "This was about you wanting to be forgotten? Is that why you got rid of the fish and the ships?"

Shepard nodded while turning on the shower, "That was part of the reason, but it's not...relevant any more."

Her eyes said they had to do with him. She'd wanted_ him_ to forget her. "Jane, I would never have forgotten you. The point is moot now, anyway."

"It is." She shampooed her hair, looking at him with one eye because the soap had fallen into the other. He laughed at the comical wink and she smeared shampoo over his fringe.

Garrus harrumphed, "Great, now I smell like flowers. That won't shatter my image of badassedness at all."

They laughed and splashed water at each other like children. They toweled each other off and Shepard pushed at the Terminus armor with her foot, her face a slight disdainful sneer. They looked at each other and said in unison, "Space it."

Suited up in her N7 armor, she looked like herself again, invincible, formidable Shepard. He knew better, but he couldn't help feeling that maybe her fatalistic premonition might not come true after all. No, she knew better, so would he. They entered the elevator together and on the ride to CIC, he leaned down to her with a gleam of anticipation in his eyes, "What shall we dream of today?"

She smiled like it was a secret, her eyes laughing.

* * *

Garrus looked over at Javik, who was looking at Shepard with furious resentment in those four eyes. The prothean had protested being included on these missions to help the machines. Even now, Garrus watched him seethe over there, glaring at Shepard and Legion, who were talking about the geth fighter squadron that was about to attack the quarian liveships. What Shepard was saying now grabbed his attention, "You want me to virtually interact with the geth?"

Garrus stood, slightly alarmed, "That's one way of getting their attention...if it doesn't kill you."

She shot him an amused look, he could tell that she was intrigued by the idea and he kept his fears silent, she asked Legion, "How?"

Legion looked back and forth between the two of them before continuing, hands gesticulating gracefully, "Your species has experimented with virtual interfaces. You saw this on Project Overlord."

It didn't ring a bell, it must have been one of those missions he wasn't part of. No matter, he'd get the details from her later. Shepard frowned, "I saw how it almost unleashed a rogue AI-human hybrid on the galaxy."

That wasn't...comforting, at all. Garrus heard a choking sound from Javik and swung his gaze over to him. The prothean almost seemed to shake in his armor in rage at the idea. He looked like he was just barely holding back from launching himself at Legion. Garrus caught his eyes in a stern stare, shaking his head warningly and the prothean settled back, turning his head from them in disgust.

Garrus wondered if the other team rescuing Koris was doing alright. He'd really wanted to see Tali's face, well, body language when they touched down on Rannoch, but Kaidan was running that op. Garrus felt gratitude for the man, he'd wished for someone who could lead the other team and Kaidan fulfilled that wish with steady confidence. He sighed, thinking how good it felt to be on Shepard's team again on a permanent basis.

Realizing he'd zoned out for a bit, he turned to see Legion opening the hatch, standing with his back to the open air, he said, "There is little time. We will bypass security while you secure safe landing."

"Wait-you're not going to-" said Garrus as he watched Legion fall backward out of the shuttle and he and Shepard leaned out of the hatch just in time to see a puff of dust down there, turning to see Shepard smile and wave at the tiny dot that ran along the edge of the comm hub's catwalk, "I guess he just did."

"Why worry, Garrus? You've seen geth drop from ships before." Shepard laughed lightly as she signaled Cortez to land just outside the facility.

"I think it was more the watching a friend fall out of a shuttle moving at speed, barreling down toward the unforgiving ground. I forget sometimes about the whole geth thing." Garrus heard Javik snort derisively behind him. Shepard turned to look at the prothean, who returned her piqued stare evenly.

"The madness of this cycle when seeming rational beings consider an AI a friend. The folly of it boggles the mind." Javik stood and readied his weapons, eyeing them disdainfully.

"Your preconceptions are getting tiresome, Javik. Is it so hard to believe that they can be more?" Shepard spread her hands magnanimously, her gaze steady, reasonable.

"Depends on what you mean by more. More dangerous? More like organics?" Javik shook his head, "They will always be machines and if you go into their collective, you might come back a machine yourself. Shall I describe in detail what that would mean for the rest of us? I doubt if this turian would want to share the bed of an AI, no matter how pleasing her countenance."

Shepard took a few steps toward the prothean, her face a blank mask, but her eyes filled with fire. She loomed over him, how Garrus couldn't say. She suddenly seemed much bigger in that tiny space, her presence buffeting the two men. And when she was just inches from Javik's face, she paused for the longest time, eyes spearing the man, who, like a pinned insect, twitched and writhed in his armor, her face broke into a savage smirk, "Did you just call me pretty?"

Garrus guffawed at the flustered panic on the prothean's face, thinking to himself how masterfully she disarmed the hostile man, compromising the fortress of bitterness he'd built around himself. He teased the man, "I thought you said interspecies mating was pointless, Javik? Don't you eyeball my woman."

Shepard put her hand on Javik's chest, smiling at him with wicked humor, "What would Liara say? Since you two have been spending so much time.._.working_ together."

Javik thrust her away from him, not roughly, because even he didn't dare do that, but firmly and Garrus just barely caught a look of chagrin on his face before it was schooled back into haughty disdain, "My business with the asari is none of your concern-"

"Oh, did you hear that, he's giving her the business." Garrus crowed, as Shepard laughed heartily. Javik grew angrier and angrier, which only prompted more laughter.

"I fail to see the humor."

"You often do, Javik. Was humor punishable by death in the empire?" Shepard said wryly. That was too much, Garrus' sides were splitting in near soundless laughter, he couldn't drag in enough air to even make it audible. He begged off any more by holding up his hand, and Shepard was merciful, falling silent. The laughter tapered to a stop as the shuttle landed with a rocking motion. She stood at the hatch and looked at Javik over her shoulder, "Look, friend, why is it so hard to appreciate how impossible, how incredible it is that you're alive, you're here, in this place, at this time. Are you so jaded that the marvels around you escape notice? Mere vengeance makes for poor company."

"I am only here to fight the Reapers. As are you." Javik said resentfully, "That is the only reason I am even with your crew."

"Have we disappointed you so far, prothean? There's a lot of Reaper blood, or viscous goo, or whatever, on your hands now. Has it brought you even the tiniest measure of peace?" Her words stung Javik, Garrus could see the self righteousness leech from his countenance, leaving something like harrowed confusion in its wake. "I want the geth to be more just as much as I want you to be more. Don't...reduce yourself to being this...sword, Javik. You're not the sum of your anger at the Reapers. You _want_ to think of the geth as things, but you seem to fail to realize that you think of yourself as a thing. Are you a thing, Javik?"

A flash of anger at her, but he admitted reluctantly, "No, I am not."

"Then stop believing that your consciousness is so very different from theirs, because they aspire, Javik, they _aspire_ to be more than things, that alone makes them worth watching. Would you do less?"

Javik winced, and almost pleaded with her, "You would turn everything I know to be true upside down and backwards."

"No, you already knew that they weren't true. I'm just reminding you." Shepard led them into the structure that housed the geth's comm hub, whistling when she found all the dead geth littering the place, "Legion was busy."

Except for the soft sighing of machinery around them, it was quiet. Their footsteps echoed throughout the complex. Legion came striding around a bend in the walkway and stopped at a terminal. A few taps and a large pod slid forward and opened. Shepard eyed it curiously, "This is it?"

"Yes, hostile geth fighter squadrons are networked to this server." Legion said evenly. Garrus looked into the other pods along the wall and with some trepidation, saw that every one had a geth prime in it, large, formidable things that they were. Legion continued, "Due to restricted resources, it is best if you connect alone."

Even Shepard seemed a bit reluctant as she exchanged looks with him and Javik. Garrus told her with his eyes that he'd be there, ready for anything. She smiled and said, stridently, "Let's do it."

Legion turned back to the terminal, "Initiating peer network integration. Proceed to docking port."

She jumped lightly into the pod, turning around to face them as they looked on nervously. Javik had his lips pulled back slightly in a grimace. The glass door dropped down and sealed her in.

"Mapping to consensus. Remain still." Legion tapped away at that console, turning his head slightly to watch them watch her, "Shepard-Commander, excess movement is discouraged during an upload."

Shepard stopped her inquisitive glancing around and Garrus saw her go unnaturally still, her gaze completely vacant. He took an involuntary step forward, wanting to pound the glass and was stopped by Legion's calm voice, "Shepard-Commander is not harmed, she is with the consensus now."

'I thought you said you were going to be in there with her, watching her back." Garrus said angrily as the geth continued to work at the terminal.

"We are with her, and we are with you, until geth security countermeasures force us to delegate more of our programs to defend her exit port."

Garrus eyed Legion, who did an extremely good job being inscrutable and turned to Javik, who still looked like he wanted to kill something, "Guess we wait."

The turian sat amid all the cables and dead geth and pulled out his smokes, gaining some measure of calm back with each puff. Javik leaned against a pod near him, eyes still riveted to Legion, glittering with hostility. Garrus spoke to the prothean, to distract him from his little hate hobby, "What was the empire like, Javik? Before you warred with the Reapers?"

"We were at war with them for a hundred years, I was not alive before they came." Javik said neutrally, "The war was all I knew."

"A hundred years...it must have changed everything. What about culture, art, music?" Garrus goaded him into talking.

Javik sneered, "You make it sound like we had none of those things. We had it all, we were the titular power in the galaxy. Your shadow of a civilization could not hold a candle to the glory of the empire."

"Then tell me about it, Javik. I want to hear about these glories." Garrus stamped out his cigarette on his gauntlet and tossed it aside, bringing his full regard on the prothean, who seemed painfully uncomfortable recalling the past. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Legion's head tilt fractionally toward them.

"The empire spanned the whole galaxy, it encompassed every inhabited world worth encompassing. Any who fought against our domination, we destroyed." The way he said it told Garrus that primitives like the turians and humans weren't worth encompassing. "We uplifted whole species, ones that showed potential to fit niches in our society that suited them."

"Like slaves? Or second-class citizens." Garrus said this without rancor, but inwardly was glad these dictators had been taken out of power before they 'bestowed' their gifts on his people. What they would have made of the turians if they'd had a chance he would rather not speculate on.

Javik thought about this, "Not in the way you mean, they were uplifted, then they were made to pay for the honor by working, but every species that proved itself became...prothean, not separate from the rest. Our ways became their ways, adding to the greater glory."

Having your own culture sublimated by another didn't sound like glory to him, but he nodded his understanding, "You don't think that these species you uplifted could have joined your empire without sacrificing their own sovereignty?"

"To someday challenge us in our authority? I think not." Javik chuckled at the outrageous thought, "Before the Reapers came, we had a thousand years of peace."

"And after?" Garrus prompted, and watched Javik grimace.

"After...life was short, brutal. We fought them everyday, there was no respite to be found in the face of that horde of invaders."

"Did you have family? A mate?"

Incredulously, Javik turned to him, "We did not need attachments like yours and Shepard's making us weak. Males and females came together only for procreation. Once, it may have been different, but no longer."

There was a regret there somewhere in his tone. Garrus felt sympathy for so broken a society, "Do you really believe that? That attachment...connection makes you weak?"

"I do not understand the species of this cycle, that they deny so obvious a truth as the Cosmic Imperative. Kill or be killed, only the strong can or should survive." Javik's gaze turned inward and his word were laced with a hint of doubt. "The Reapers are strong, so they prey on the weak. It is apparent to even the blindest idiot."

"Shepard doesn't believe that. Do you think Shepard is weak?" Garrus was watching him contemplating it carefully. Saw it get rebutted every time he considered it, thinking Shepard was weak was so contrary to reality that even Javik was unable to refute it.

"I have suffered first hand the price of becoming attached, turian." It came out soft, barely more than a breath. Javik leaned his head back against one of the pods and closed his eyes. "My men..."

"Tell me." Garrus said in coaxing tones, "Why are you so afraid to be one of us?"

"I...had a ship like the Normandy once, a loyal crew with many friends. Nothing came as close to destroying me as when my men betrayed me. My hubris blinded me to the possibility and I did not see, not until it was far too late." Rage and guilt. Garrus knew them well. They snuck into your life to give justifications for your deeds, then tried to steal everything from you.

Javik trembled, the two emotions warring in his eyes, "They had become indoctrinated, committed atrocities, tried to destroy everything I had done, tried to destroy me. My ship, my crew... year after year, battle after battle, I was hunted by my own people, every encounter a reminder of my failure. Until the battle of the Cronian Nebula...I had only my knife left."

The horror of it made Garrus shiver and he met the prothean's gaze, which had latched onto his with desperation and wrath, a combination that shook Garrus to the core. He had the sudden realization that this man from another age and Shepard were similar, so very similar. Javik was the Shepard of his cycle and he'd failed, was being torn apart at the seams, because he was reliving it in this cycle. Javik finished slowly, his voice flat and dead, "I cornered my men and slit their throats, one by one. I watched them bleed to death to be certain."

What could he say? Could he do the same? Could Shepard? If she did, would she be as broken as this man before him?

Javik's breathing was hoarse, uneven. Garrus wondered if pushing him further would break him, but knew that it had to be done. It had to if there was any hope for this man, Garrus took a steadying breath and made of his voice a damning accusation, "You did them this...mercy, and then you became this...avatar of vengeance. Are you avenging your men...or your _pride_?"

The prothean's hands became clawlike as he tore at the air in agony, a choked cry falling from his lips. Garrus couldn't let up, wouldn't let up and feeling so very cruel for doing it, hardened his heart to the man's pain, "If you ever loved them, you murdered the very last of what they were and meant to you, when you cut out your heart. You might as well be a Reaper."

Javik fell to his knees on the decking, his face a silent howl of self recrimination. Garrus felt guilt course through him at being the one to cause Javik's torment, but stood strong in the face of it. The prothean whimpered, shaking his head in fierce denial, folding up on himself. A hiss from Garrus' left made his head snap around, Shepard stepped down from the pod, almost dazed, her eyes alight with joy. A joy that flooded the room with its presence, washing away the terror of doubt and self loathing that had so crippled Javik, made them both reel back from the force of it.

Shepard stood before Javik and drew the prothean to his feet with her hands on his. Her voice was a compelling mix of wonder and command as she said, "See me, Javik. See_ them._"

They froze there, like they had on Eden Prime and Garrus could almost see the power flying between them in their strange joining of minds. Fascinated, he watched as Shepard's red hair rose to stand on end, as if charged electrically. What could cause such a thing?

He waited, fretfully, willing this to turn out right. Javik deserved some rightness. Legion came to stand with him and a large shadow crossed over his face and Garrus looked up and up into the faces of many primes all witnessing the scene silently. They made no move that could be considered hostile, so Garrus went back to watching Shepard and Javik there, standing hand in hand. Legion reached out to his shoulder and said, almost in awe, "Garrus Vakarian, we now know the purpose of hope."

Garrus looked into Legion's eye and said, trying to squeeze the words past the lump in his throat, "Are you sure you want to know hope? Hope can be terrible. As terrible as despair."

"We have seen Shepard, she has seen us. Her heart is known to us now." Legion looked up to the primes who bent their heads, reverently.

At last, the pair before them parted. In silence, they turned to Garrus as one, moving in unison. He went to them, half afraid of what he saw in their eyes. Javik smiled, and it was clear, sincere, there was not one ounce of bitterness or anger in it. Shepard took Garrus' hand in her right and Javik's hand in her left. Garrus felt a surge of energy and wondered at it. He looked at Javik, ashamed, "I am sorry."

Javik waved the ridiculous apology away, "I understand."

Shepard moved to include Legion and they made a circle between the four of them, hands clasped loosely inside a larger ring of geth primes. They stood like that for a long while when the peace of the moment was broken by Shepard snorting a laugh, everyone stared at her and she smiled, "We should start singing Kumbaya."

Every eye was puzzled and she colored, blushing, "Oh, right, it's a human thing."

Javik laughed, a light sound that went with his clear, pain free gaze, "Primitives."

As they exited the building to get back to the shuttle, Garrus looped his arm around her waist, teasing her gently, "If James or Kaidan were here, they'd have laughed, for sure."

"Hmm.' She chuckled, "I wish I could see Hackett's face when he receives that particular care package."

She drew his eye to the geth primes who were marching toward a geth dropship and he turned his face to her, trying to effect total shock at her, then pulling his mandibles back in, "I can't do it. Hard to imitate human facial expressions."

"Haha. The body language is close, but the mandibles, well..." She ran a hand along his and he shivered at the sensation. Her omnitool beeped and she tapped at it, with a pleased smile on her lips, "Kaidan's got Koris, they're headed back to the civilian fleet now. We'll rendezvous at the Normandy for the final push. Get everyone on the shuttle."

"Have I ever told you how much I love it when you order me around?" He tossed her a cheeky wink and she blushed.

"Oh really? Guess I'll have to do more of it, now that we have Kaidan running the other team." She jumped into the waiting shuttle, plopping down into a seat. Garrus sat next to her and put his arm behind her along the back of the chairs, she moved closer to him, until her armored shoulder rubbed on his chest piece and laid her hand over his heart and he laid his hand over hers.

Javik looked on with a small smile on his face, then turned away and closed his eyes, a peaceful expression on his face. Legion sat near, watching them but Garrus didn't mind, just rested his head against hers and felt the connection flow between the four of them like a clear babbling brook.

"Legion, come here." Shepard beckoned to the geth, who stood and bent to one knee before her. Garrus almost laughed at how strangely formal the action was. Shepard leaned over and kissed Legion lightly on the lens of his eye, "Thank you. That, in there, was beautiful."

The geth put a hand over where her lips had left a tiny smear and lifted his brow flaps, "Shepard-Commander, we know hope now."

She smiled secretively, "I know. Is it good?"

"Yes." Legion stood and went back to his seat, resuming his vigil.

Garrus thought about how freeing it was to know the end was near, how it pushed them all to go further, higher, there was indeed nothing to lose. It was liberating and exhilarating, this acceptance of the inevitable.

Then he thought of his familly, guiltily. What would they do when he was dead? Were they even alive? While they docked with the Normandy, he started to formulate plans that would...ease the pain of his passing. His plans for the turian reconstruction would need good custodians or they would fall to the wayside and crumble.


	11. Chapter 11

The geth turned the nose of the hovercraft away from the Reaper and Garrus fretted, the fight now out of his line of sight. He only had Shepard's voice on the comms and the recoil of the gun as she fired upon the Reaper to listen to. Tali was breathing hard in her mask and Garrus pulled her close, offering comfort. Shepard yelled, "Shepard to fleet, it's not a Reaper base, it's a live Reaper! I need an orbital strike!"

Garrus braced himself, the concussive blast alone might kill them. Legion pulled out all the stops and Garrus felt the vehicle pick up more speed. Shepard ceased firing and said, "We're clear! Fire at will!"

An enormous blast that had his ears ringing threw the hovercraft back and forth and he heard the Reaper falter, its mechanical parts whirring haphazardly, like it was in pain, which he hoped it was, hoped it was_ suffering_. Legion brought the ship back around to investigate. Was it down? One shot and it was toast? As Massani would say, not bloody likely.

Admiral Gerrel's voice came to them over the comms, "What did we hit?"

"The firing chamber. Looks like a weak point when it's priming."

Good news that was quickly dashed when the admiral replied, "Dammit! The jamming tower has us targeting manually. We can't make a precision shot!"

Legion stated, "We may escape before it recovers."

"No! Pull over!" Shepard yelled. Panic settled over Garrus as he realized what she meant to do, and he sublimated it with difficulty. It wasn't time yet, she'd promised they'd go together.

Legion halted the vehicle, then, turning to look at Garrus quizzically. Garrus shrugged, grimacing fearfully. Legion replied, "Shepard-Commander-"

Garrus watched her tiny figure on the monitors as she leapt lightly down to the ground, her shoulders straight and strong, stating with deadly calm, "If we run away, the geth stay under Reaper control and the quarians are dead."

She turned to the Reaper, which was still collapsed on its side, her voice strident, "This ends now! EDI, patch the quarians into the Normandy's weapon systems. I want the targeting laser synced up to the whole damn fleet!"

"Understood." Came EDI's even tones.

Garrus watched the flaps above Legion's eye lift in what he kept wanting to think of as astonishment. Hell, it might be. Legion opened the comms, "Do you need assistance?"

Garrus saw her pull the targeting laser from her back and, while he couldn't see her face, he knew that she was smiling savagely, her voice a low growl, "I'll take it from here."

He shivered, that machine didn't know what kind of hell was headed its way. But it would soon find out, oh yes it would.

* * *

How she avoided being torn apart by the ordinance that fell from orbit like an inundating rain, he didn't know. As Legion brought the hovercraft back in, Garrus watched Shepard approach the fallen behemoth fearlessly and Garrus hoped fervently that it was indeed dead. That thing's eyes lit up with fire and Garrus nearly cried out a warning, but it was thankfully immobile.

A low vibration ghosted over his skin and he realized that it was talking, he couldn't understand what it was saying from here, but he saw Shepard pause in consideration. They exited the vehicle and Garrus trotted up just in time to hear the Reaper grind out, _**"We are your salvation."**_

Shepard made a disapproving murmur in her throat, "You're killing everyone in the galaxy to save us?"

**_"The cycle must continue. There is no__ alternative."_** It's baleful eye swung over them.

Shepard stepped back, to be shoulder to shoulder with Legion and her crew. She gestured eloquently to the small gathering, "Organics and synthetics don't have to destroy each other."

The Reaper did pause, as if considering, then spoke in its enormous voice that pounded at Garrus' ears, "**_The battle for Rannoch...disproves your assertion. Finish your war. We will be waiting."_**

The eyes went dark and moreso, the whole thing seemed suddenly an empty husk. Tali stepped forward, her hushed voice full of awe, "We did it. We killed a Reaper. Keelah!"

Legion tapped at his omnitool, "We can confirm that the geth are no longer being directed by the Old Machines. We are free."

Gerrel said over the comms excitedly, "You did it, Shepard! The geth fleet has stopped firing. They're completely vulnerable."

It sent a chill through Garrus, those last few words. It meant that the quarians had no intention of stopping this senseless war. Legion almost seemed panicked and paced restlessly, "Shepard-Commander, the geth only acted in defense after the creators attacked. Do we deserve death?"

Shepard looked at him, coaxing him with a question, "What are you suggesting?"

"Our upgrades. With the Old Machine dead, we could upload them to all geth without sacrificing their independence." Legion walked to the edge of the precipice and gazed upon the dead Reaper.

Tali said, her voice horrified, "You want to upload the Reaper code? That would make the geth as smart as when the Reaper was controlling them."

Legion nodded, "Yes, but with free will. Each geth unit would be a true intelligence. We would be _alive_...and we could help you."

Tali turned on Shepard, with panic in her voice, "Our fleet is already attacking. Uploading the code would destroy us. Shepard, you can't choose the geth over my people."

Legion put his hand on her shoulder and Tali pulled away in furious anger. Garrus saw the geth's shoulders slump as if in sorrow, Legion looked at her, saying, "Do you remember the question that started the Morning War, Tali'Zorah? Does this unit...have a soul?"

There was very little hesitation on Shepard's part as she gazed back at Legion, her approval evident on her face, "Upload the code to the geth. Tali, call off the fleet if you can."

Garrus came to stand next to Shepard as they watched Legion upload the Reaper code. She leaned on him slightly and he tried to project reassurance back at her. It could still go so horribly wrong, and he could feel her hoping with all her being.

He was sure that Tali had no clue that she and Legion were almost touching shoulder to shoulder as the geth distributed the code and she tried to stop the quarians attacking the geth. The admirals were being obstinate and it made an already tense situation even more tenuous. Shepard was trembling with the emotions that swam in her eyes. Tali turned to Legion, her voice a fervent plea, 'I beg you, don't do this! Please.."

"We regret the deaths of the creators, but we see no alternative." Legion stated with regret lacing his words, "Forty percent."

Shepard drew a hitching breath and stepped forward, her voice tight with strain, "No, nobody else dies today! Legion, keep going."

Tali started, her voice desperate and uncertain, "Shepard-"

Shepard opened her comms, voice strong, carrying her commanding presence like a beacon, "All ships, this is Commander Shepard. The Reaper is dead. Stand down."

Tali took up the banner, "This is Admiral Tali'Zorah. Shepard speaks with my authority."

Garrus listened as the quarians argued for and against a ceasefire in tense silence. Hope blossomed in his guts as it seemed they were listening to Shepard. She was going to pull it off, another miracle in a long list of miracles. Her voice was the voice of reason as she explained how they were teetering on the edge of extinction, how they were the ones ultimately responsible for it and how if they could believe for just one moment that it could be different, then they could have a future brighter than anyone had dreamed. Awe settled over him as they acquiesced to her convincing argument.

A gentle smile lifted the corners of her mouth and Garrus longed to pull this brilliant, beautiful angel to him, but was interrupted mid step by Legion, "Error! Copying code is insufficient. Direct personality dissemination...required."

_No, not another one._ Garrus peered intently at Shepard, whose eyes filled with sorrow as Legion continued, turning to face her fully, "Shepard-Commander, I must..go to them. I'm...I'm sorry. It's the only way."

Tali stepped into the circle of Legion's regard, put her hand to the side of his face and said, voice plaintively sad, "Legion, the answer to your question...is yes."

Legion took her into an embrace, voice warm, "I know, Tali. But thank you."

He stepped away from them and faced the sun, multitoned voice soft with emotion, "Keelah Se'lai."

Garrus was sure only he heard Shepard whimper as their friend collapsed to the ground, an empty shell, his spirit flown. Garrus pulled Shepard into a hug, unhappy with the way she shook in his arms. Her face was tight, drawn and her mouth opened slightly in a pant. A voice behind them made her start and he watched her pull herself together with a visible wrench and turn an impassive mask to Admiral Raan, "Commander."

"Admiral Raan, I heard your ship made a crash landing. Glad you got out in one piece." Her voice didn't quaver and he was proud of her for her strength.

"I was listening on the radio. If Han'Gerrel hadn't stopped..." The woman limped heavily, bowed over at the middle in pain.

"He did."

"We've taken heavy losses...I don't know if we can-" Raan waved her hands helplessly, "Where are we supposed to go?"

Tali looked alarmed and drew her pistol, looking past Raan. Shepard held her hand up to forestall her. A geth prime advanced on them, in a nonthreatening way, stopping just short of their little gathering.

In a deep voice, it said, "You are welcome to return to Rannoch...with us."

Shepard walked toward the towering red machine, peering up into its eye. At first she seemed uncertain, but a slow smile tugged at her lips and her eyes took on a light that warmed Garrus' soul. _She's okay, thank the spirits. _Garrus watched as her slim hand came up to rest on the geth's chest, where a heart would be, if there had been blood pumping through the machine instead of lubricant, and she said in a voice that was soft and wistful, "There you are."

The metal flaps above its eye flexed in a perplexed way, "We are not Legion."

She laughed, "No, you are not. You are something new, something alive."

It nodded, "Legion sacrificed itself to give us true intelligence. It will be honored."

"Good." She stated shortly, stepping back, her eyes lit with a glorious light.

"And we will honor Legion's promise. The geth fleet will help you retake Earth and our engineers will assist in building the Crucible."

Raan half turned to Shepard, "As will ours."

The giant focused its regard on the quarian woman in its shadow, "Have you considered possible settlement sites?"

"We..." Raan fidgeted, unsure, "...The southern continent had excellent farmland, as I recall."

Garrus turned to see Shepard standing with Tali near the ledge, they were conversing in low tones. As much as he wanted to go over there, he let them have this moment.

For as long as he could anyway. With a yell, he ran over there and lifted Tali up and spun her in a circle, laughing, despite her screams of protest. He put her back down, grinning madly, "I've been wanting to do that for forever now."

"Garrus, you bosh'tet!" She pummeled him with her tiny fists and he fell back under her playful assault. Shepard clutched her sides in mirth.

"Contact the Normandy, tonight we sleep on Rannoch." Shepard wrapped an arm each around Garrus and Tali's waists and together they looked out over the desert vista, "The war can wait for a day."

* * *

Someone had made a fire, even now the ground teams sat in a loose circle around it, drinking, talking and laughing. This hard won victory boosted their morale to new heights. Garrus traded jokes with James and Kaidan as the women chatted on a rock nearby. They'd found out the Normandy really was equipped for all situations. Someone had found tents in the hold, along with lamps that ran on some kind of flammable liquid. Tali lay on her back and watched the stars appear overhead.

Garrus watched with amusement the looks and secretive touches between Javik and Liara. It made Garrus' heart lighter to think that maybe they would all find peace in the end, however it ended. As for him, he was content to watch Shepard over there, whole and happy. He turned to the men, "So what is this Kumbaya thing you humans have?"

James and Kaidan laughed, then shot each other a look and burst out with a boisterous song, "Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya! Oh, Lord, Kumbaya!"

The other humans were startled into laughter, Shepard loudest of all. Garrus watched her blush as another round of Kumbaya started up and he joined in, and it went around until the canyons echoed it back to them. James sang, "Pass the beer, my Lord, pass the beer!"

And they all sang in unison, "Oh, Lord, pass the beer!"

Riotous laughter shook them all and it tapered off to a more quiet atmosphere. Garrus took a sip of his beverage and caught Shepard's eye before standing and heading out of the circle of firelight. He walked out of earshot of the camp and waited, breathing in the air of this planet, which hadn't been breathed by any sapient organic for three hundred years. It was a wonder that still held him in awe. Would there always be wonders to marvel at? He fervently hoped so.

Shepard's low melodic voice drifted down to him, "What are you thinking about?"

He looked up into her face, she was laying on her stomach on top of the boulder he was leaning against. How she got up there without him hearing, he had no earthly idea. Just another wonder. He laughed softly and caught her as she slid down into his waiting embrace, "I was thinking about the phrase 'Will wonders never cease'. Then I was thinking that I hope not. How boring it would be to have seen everything, done everything. And then another wonder found me."

She giggled at his praise and blushed under the light of Rannoch's moons, her hair glowing subtly with fire. She was so lovely, so very alive and he held her close, glad he left his armor at the camp. Shepard sighed and said, " 'And Alexander wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.' "

His browplates rose in surprise, "Conquer?"

"Not literally, well the man did conquer the known world of his time, but his sorrow was more that there was nothing left to discover. Or that he'd never have the time to do so." Shepard turned in his arms to face him, her eyes glittering with joy and sadness, "He thought how cruel of the gods to give a man only the short span of his life to see the whole of creation."

"Conquering seems...extreme if all you want to do is look at it." Garrus chided her gently and she laughed, leaning forward to kiss his neck. He closed his eyes at the delicious sensation, heat pooling under his plates.

"I agree with you, there. It's enough to have seen or felt it, however briefly, without trying to possess it." She lifted one long-fingered hand and massaged under his fringe, eliciting a moan from deep in his chest. She worked at his underarmor until it fell around his feet and her hands ran over every plate and ridge of his body, leaving him a shaking wreck under her tender ministrations.

He buried his face at her neck and whispered hoarsely, "I see a problem here. I'm naked, and you're not."

"Mmm. Can't have that." She took a step back and started to slowly peel her clothes away from her skin, and he twitched with eagerness as he watched each inch of glorious flesh appear. Nude, she stood still, silent, the moonlight cascading off her shoulders, breasts, hips, buttocks and he worshiped her with his eyes until he could stand it no longer. Garrus pulled her to him by her waist, lifting her easily and carrying her to a convenient flat rock where he sat her down across his lap.

He teased her lips open with his tongue and slid the length of it into her mouth, rubbing across her soft palate and teeth and tongue lovingly, deeply. She hummed in approval and reached down to fondle his cock, which had emerged to rest between her thighs. He grunted softly as she squeezed it in her palms, thumbs tracing over the tip in a most stimulating way. His hands found their way to her breasts, hefting the weight of them with desire, tweaking the nipples to hard little pebbles. He pulled away from her face to look deep into her eyes that were so full of him, as full of him as his were of her, "I want to taste you."

He scooted back on the rock so they could lie on it fully and stretched her out on her back. She parted her legs at his insistent touch and breathed in sharply as his tongue came out to lap at her juices. She moaned wantonly as he thrust his tongue into her like a phallus, exploring her deeper with every push, feeling every internal ridge glide over his sensitive taste buds. His heart pounded with want, with need as he pleasured her roughly. She cried out, biting her knuckles and he felt the spasm of her muscles tighten around his tongue. She tasted so good, he couldn't stop. Shepard squirmed around until he suddenly felt her hot breath on his organ and squeezed her around the waist when that pink tongue flicked the end of that most sensitive appendage.

He groaned and froze as she took him into her mouth, quivering under her assault. He rolled them so that he was on the bottom with her sex open invitingly right above his face. Garrus pushed a finger slowly into her as his tongue bathed the hard bud at the top of her cleft. He rolled his hips helplessly as she sucked on his cock, feeling himself start to cum, surge after surge deep into her throat. He was worried for a moment that he was choking her, but she never stopped so it must be alright. He lay back and worked her until she shook and writhed on top of him in a series of climaxes, one right after another. She sat up abruptly and cried out with each shudder. Her juices poured into his mouth and he lapped it up with relish.

He flipped her around so she faced him and sat her on his aching member, tongue burying itself in her mouth again. He tasted her and his essences mix and thought with curiosity how interesting the flavor was. She also seemed to relish the taste, licking his mandibles in her greed. He sat up and she wrapped her long legs around his waist, squeezing in that way she knew he loved and he rocked with her, sweetly and slowly, until he was crying out with the joy of it, all restraint abandoned, holding her close to his chest as he heaved in gasps.

She held him gently, as they cooled off in the night air. He hummed against her neck and she sighed in languid satisfaction, "This is how turians make love, isn't it?"

She meant the position they were in, cradling each other belly to belly, and one he was loathe to let her out of at the moment. He smiled and rested his forehead against hers, "Yes, it's the best for...conception. And giving comfort."

She laughed lightly and he hissed at the way her inner muscles clenched uncomfortably around his cock, and she abated with a smile, saying, "Hmm. Turian missionary."

"What?" His confusion was compounded by her bemused look. She tucked her head under his chin and kissed his cowl where it came together at the base of his throat.

"It's, ha, nothing. I'll tell you later." She held him as close as she could, sighing as his member slid from her to retract back into his body. He rumbled lovingly, tousling her hair with his breath, "Wanna go back to camp?"

"No, but I suppose we have to, before they come looking for us. That...would be awkward, finding you and me naked doing dirty things on Tali's homeworld."

She chided him, "That wasn't dirty. That was beautiful."

"It was." He said happily, rubbing her shoulderblades. He still didn't want to let her go, but relented when she moved away to gather their clothes. He felt a wash of pleasure at the sight of her wristlet gleaming on her wrist, an echo of the one on his. He pulled on his underarmor, "Should we split up and go back from different directions?"

"No, it's not like they wouldn't know anyway. Plus it's not like we're the only ones who wandered off." She giggled like a schoolgirl, fingers playing with her lower lip.

"Oh?" He said curiously, looping his arm around her waist as they began walking.

"Javik and Liara disappeared together and Tali was flirting pretty heavily with Kaidan when I left, wouldn't surprise me if more than one tent was empty because its owner found better...accommodations." She laughed at his astonishment. Garrus laughed with her, heart light.

"Poor James with only his booze to keep him company. I wish the others were here, and the ones we lost." He said wistfully, "I'd like to hear Jack sing again."

"The ones we lost are here, Garrus. Can't you feel them?" She held her hand up, filling her palm with moonlight and Garrus looked up at the sky, feeling something but not sure exactly what it was. A pressure beating down on them and he felt like if he could just...catch it, out of the corner of his eye, a whole new world would open up, as far away as the next galaxy, but as close to him as his skin. He shivered at its magnitude, glad for a moment that he couldn't see it, in its incomprehensible vastness. He shook the almost terrifying feeling away and smiled at her, this woman who could be so mortal and so unfathomably uncanny at the same time.

"I...don't know that I can, Jane, but I know that wherever they are, they love us. Mordin, Thane, Legion.." Garrus dipped his head in grief and she lifted it in her hand.

"Legion shattered himself for them. He's not gone at all, the geth all hold a sliver Legion inside them." The way she said shattered made it seem like a blessed thing and he blinked as the idea took root in him. Legion's consciousness was shared among all the geth, made larger, and more complex, gave them individuality. He would be with them in spirit, giving them understanding.

He said with awe, "He'll live forever."

She smiled, "No, not forever. Nothing lasts forever, but he'll be with them for as long as he can. He will show them wonders."

They strode into an empty camp, everyone had turned in for the night and as he pulled her bedroll into his tent, he hummed happily. Settling in, pulling her warmth close to him, he watched her as she started to drowse. She whispered, "You still owe me a date, Garrus."

He chuckled, "I guess this didn't count. Next time we're on the Citadel,_ I_ will show you wonders."

"More than you have already? Don't know how you'll top that last date on Earth." She nestled closer to him, pulling his arm around her tighter, their wristlets jangling as they collided. It was a musical sound that had her smiling.

"Trust me." Garrus closed his eyes and they slept in the embrace of Rannoch, he fancied that he felt that the world welcomed them, a new people trodding its soil at long last.


	12. Chapter 12

He pressed a heat sink into her outstretched palm without even looking, just knowing she needed one, as he ejected the spent one in his Black Widow. His hand darted to his belt to grab a fresh one, putting it in the chamber in one fluid motion. As he lined up his next shot, he heard her take out a cannibal that had creeped around their bit of cover, watched its heat signature blip out on his visor. They crouched almost back to back in this small space, both sniping in pleasing symmetry. Garrus heard James shout out there somewhere and considering how many husk corpses were piled up to his right, he was putting forth one hell of an effort. Garrus commented to his redhaired companion, "He should have been krogan. Plowing them underfoot like that and all."

Shepard snorted, "Maybe we can get him into clan Urdnot."

"Does that mean we'll have to fight another thresher maw on foot?" He lined up on a ravager, pulling the trigger and popping all those fleshy sacks on its belly with one bullet. He switched to his pistol for a sec to take care of all those annoying spider things that were crawling out of the ruin of that pulpy mass, ducking down just in time to dodge the ravager's pounding ordinance.

"You make that sound like a bad thing. Besides," She brushed her hair out of her eyes as she drew up next to him, "I took on a Reaper on foot. I don't think a little thresher maw will be a problem."

"Hey, in all fairness you had the whole quarian fleet shoot it while you used a flashlight to get its attention." He stood as the ravager slumped over on its side, dead. His visor showed no more red dots so he turned to Shepard with a smile, "Have I ever told you that I think you're adorably insane?"

"Flatterer." She slapped at his shoulder playfully.

James ran up just then, his face a wild expression of exhilaration, "Heads up. We got another brute on its way over here, plus one of them screaming ugly chicks."

Hmmm, banshees were problematic. They never liked to hold still while he lined up his shots. Shepard looked at him, taking in his frown, and said, "You want the brute or the banshee?"

"Mmm brute, definitely." Garrus split off from them, making his way over to a low piece of ventilation that ran the length of the floor just as the monster's massive bulk ambled in from a side room. As he took his first shot, he spotted the smaller forms of Shepard and James moving along the catwalks to his left, taking the high road. Garrus had the brute's attention now and had to roll to the side to avoid a charge, those huge claws would take off his head with one swipe if he let them.

He stayed in close, so it couldn't barrel around the room, dodging those slow strikes easily, shooting his sniper rifle from the hip, often times touching the thing's hide with the end of the barrel, before his rounds pounded into it point blank. He thanked the spirits that these things were so very stupid, but lamented that they were so very tough just as he ran out of heatsinks.

He rolled away from it, its claws clipping his shoulder and sending him flying into some crates. He snarled at the pain that shot down his arm and froze as he spotted a single heatsink rolling away from him. It must have been in one of the crates and he felt overwhelming relief as he ran after it, snatching it up just in time to leap behind some cover as the thing came charging at him. It was so close now, he could smell its rancid rotten flesh laced breath and he leaned out right into its face as it reared back for a strike, his Widow tucked under that thing's chin. Time slowed, as it always did for him when he found that perfect peace before taking a shot, there was nothing but the blue light of fused synthetic/organic flesh in his scope and he squeezed the trigger, the sound of the blast overloud in his ears. If that didn't do it, then he was out of options.

Time sped back up and he held his breath as he dropped his scope back down. The shadow of the behemoth fell away from him and he sighed in relief, shooting a glance over to where Shepard and James were still battling the banshee. For once, an enemy was unpredictable and he could see Shepard grimace as she had to run away yet again from that booming shriek or find the banshee suddenly too close for comfort. Garrus started looking for heatsinks, being out of ammo was no help to anyone.

"Fuck this! James, throw me!" Shepard's voice rang out, angrily.

"What?" Confusion in every line of his body as she rolled in front of him. The banshee started to flicker as it prepared to teleport towards them.

"All those pullups and you can't toss a tiny girl like me? Quick, you bastard, before she teleports." Garrus turned just in time to see Shepard's body go flying at the banshee, who seemed to vibrate in its skin. Shepard latched onto the thing around its head, plunging her omniblade into it over and over and over. It screamed as it tried to teleport away, but Shepard flickered in and out of sight with it. It tore at her, but she clung fast, her face a snarl of rage, her blade spraying an arc of viscous fluids with each upward swing. Shepard shrieked in battle frenzy just as the thing dropped underneath her and she crouched over it, breathing heavily. She took a deep breath and stood up, looking toward the rest of her team as they stared back, dumbfounded.

Garrus swallowed, then looked down to the heatsink that he'd found, the one that was still in his hand and shakily reloaded his weapon. James shook himself back to awareness, "Usually I find chick fights hot, but that was just...scary. And I don't know which of you was scarier."

She thumped him on the chest with a fist, grinning like mad, "Me, James and don't you forget it."

James ran a hand over his short hair, "Uh, I won't, Lola. Remind me never to get on your bad side."

Garrus laughed as he walked up, looking at the fierce look in her eyes with something akin to awe. He gestured to her gore spattered face, "You've, uh, got a little something-"

She wiped her cheek, succeeding only in spreading the tar like substance around and he chuckled, pulling out the gun oil soaked rag he used on his rifles and tilted her head back with a talon and gently wiped away the muck that blasphemously defiled that lustrous skin. She flushed under his intent regard and he felt a rush of hot blood under his plates. Coughing, he straightened, dropping the soiled rag to the floor. James eyed the two of them with a small smile on his face, "Soooo... when's the wedding?"

Garrus started in slight surprise and Shepard shot him a wicked look, and she said in a tone that lilted with humor, "I hear spring on Palaven is nice."

_Ah, so we're pretending that there'll be a later._ It was a harmless fantasy, so he went with it, "Nice doesn't do it justice, it's beautiful."

They moved further into the labs, the labs that were under what was supposed to be a safe haven for refugees. Sanctuary, even the word was meant to bring a measure of comfort to the fleeing peoples that had run here, expecting succor. It was the unkindest sort of trap, and completely heartless in its execution. He growled internally at the betrayal. Shepard caught his eye, "Outside or inside?"

She was distracting him from his anger and for that, he was grateful, "Outside, of course. In my garden on our estate."

James chortled, "Your garden, huh? You don't seem the type to enjoy planting flowers, Scars."

A sharp retort was interrupted by Shepard, who said, softly, "I see it. A mossy lawn bisected by a stream, riotous colors everywhere and trees whose silver leaves dazzle the eye of the unwary."

Garrus ducked his head, feelings of remorse that she'll never see it in person rushing through him, she touched his cheek and he rumbled at her, "You remember."

"Of course I remember, everything that happened that day is here." She placed a slim hand over her heart.

"And here." He pulled her hand down to rest over his, which boomed hollowly in his chest. Suddenly, this avenue of thought didn't seem so harmless and he was glad when James yelled from the next room.

"I found an elevator." Shepard swept away from him, moving quickly along the decking and he followed, snatching up heatsinks as he found them.

In tense silence, the trio waited for the box to ascend. Shepard shifted eagerly from foot to foot, "I hope that bastard, Kai Leng is still up there."

"Right?" Garrus sneered at the thought of the slippery assassin, then had a sobering thought, "I hope Miranda's okay."

"She's tougher than she looks." Shepard stopped abruptly, rushing out of the doors that opened just then, her gun swinging around to check corners. She ran for the far door, as loud bangs and crashes filtered through it to them. She palmed the lock, weapon at the ready.

* * *

Shepard paused, considering her options. Garrus could just see enough of her profile to see the muscles in her jaw jump with suppressed rage. She ground out reluctantly, "I have no problem with you. I just want Oriana and the research data."

Henry Lawson snorted, "You want a lot."

"You get your life in return. How much is that worth?"

The oily fucker darted his gaze around, trying to find some other way of saving his worthless hide, but finding none, sighed with disgust and thrust Oriana away roughly, "Alright, take her. But I want out alive. Deal?"

A flash of blue and a split second's warning was all he got as Garrus watched Miranda's biotics flare in a corona and she flung her father through the window behind him, surely to his death, either from the impact or one of his twisted creations below. Garrus rejoiced at her spirit, still so uncowed by her injuries as she snarled, "No deal."

She stumbled toward her sister, whose eyes were filled with shock. Miranda helped her to her feet, "Did he hurt you? Are you alright?"

The sisters embraced and Miranda let out a relieved sigh, "It's okay, Ori. You're safe now."

Oriana grimaced fearfully, "I'm fine. I just...want to get out of here."

"We will. Just...give me a moment, okay?" Shepard stepped forward and Miranda turned to her with a smile, "Shepard, I can't believe it's you."

"We caught a break. I'm just glad we got here in time." Shepard ran a hand through her hair, her face shifting from one pained expression to the next, finally she looked at Miranda with sympathy, "About your father..."

"I'm glad he's gone, Shepard. I'm sorry if that sounds cold." Miranda turned away, her face hard and blank. She didn't see Shepard lean forward as if to embrace her, didn't know that others were willing to share the pain. Shepard held back with difficulty, making fists of her hands.

Garrus turned from the two women and tried to find some information on a nearby terminal. It was scrubbed, all the data scrambled into uselessness. James sidled up to him, "Hey, Miranda's kinda hot."

"Wow, how insensitive can you be?" Garrus shot him a look and the marine deflated. He slumped in his armor and Garrus sighed, "Look, I know it's some kind of coping mechanism for you to be so...obtuse, but seriously, there's a time and a place."

"I just...you know, all this is pretty gruesome if you think about it. So, I, uh, don't." James winced, genuinely contrite.

Garrus patted him on the shoulder, "I get it. Sometimes it's either laugh or scream. And it's...hard when you can't tell the difference any more."

"Well, I don't know about all that, but I see what you mean." James flashed him a grin, "Still...maybe I should get her number, you know, for when you and Shepard start sending out wedding invitations."

Garrus smiled at the man's incorrigibility, "Just remember, she did that-"

The turian jerked a thumb at the busted window, "-to her dad, imagine what'll happen if you get too hands-y."

"It's legit, no funny business, I swear." The marine held up his hands defensively. James scuttled off to speak with the sisters before they left on their own shuttle.

Garrus started a data mine to dump all the fragmented code to his omnitool. Shepard popped up at his elbow, "Miranda planted a tracer on our slippery little friend."

"That's good news."

"Let's make sure everyone knows about Sanctuary." She turned to another terminal, graceful fingers pecking at the keyboard. An automated alert sounded, telling them that the comm scrambler was offline. She listened with satisfaction as the repeating message Miranda recorded made its rounds and flipped on her comms, "Cortez, we need a pickup at the tower. I've had enough of this place."

Garrus couldn't agree with her more.

* * *

Kaidan's team got back from Thessia pretty much at the same time that they did and, boy, did they looked worse for wear. Liara limped out of the shuttle over Kaidan's shoulder as a couple of other crewmembers carried a gurney with a comatose Javik sprawled on it. Shepard put her hand on Kaidan's shoulder, demanding, "What the hell happened?"

Alenko looked her dead in the eye, guiltily, "We...failed, Shepard. We didn't get the intel."

She pressed her mouth into a grim line, hand chopping through the air, "Drop Liara off with Chakwas, then I want to see you upstairs for a debriefing."

Garrus took Liara from Kaidan, "I got her."

The biotic shot him a grateful look as he took off after Shepard. Garrus sighed, glad he wasn't in the man's shoes and walked slowly to the medbay, where Chakwas tutted and fussed over the two injured crewmen. Javik's breathing was shallow, he had a deep gash over one eye and Liara was shell shocked a little. Garrus couldn't get a coherent answer about what happened to them out there, he just caught a name. Kai Leng.

How in hell did that bastard thwart them in two locations at once? He ran the numbers in his head and found that it shouldn't be possible for the assassin to do it... unless he'd hit Thessia first, _oh the sneaky fuck._ Thessia was farther away than Horizon, he must have been on Thessia before Kaidan's team got there, just waiting for his chance to steal the data. The Normandy must have been traveling in the assassin's wake from system to system. The Illusive Man was ahead of them, by two steps at least. This would not do, he and Shepard had to get their heads in the game. There wasn't time enough to fuck around, chasing after Cerberus, picking up their leftovers.

Garrus stalked to the elevator, punching the controls a bit harder than necessary and paced as the lift made its slow progress up. He thought hard about their next course of action, surely Shepard had a plan, she always had a plan. Hoping that the Illusive Man would trip up somewhere wasn't enough, they had to strike back, hard and decisively. He veritably leaped out of the elevator into CIC, casting his gaze around. The room was quiet, muted in the wake of this failure. Kaidan stood over the galaxy map, his back hunched miserably as he gripped the rails so hard that his knuckles were white.

The turian came up to stand next to him, saying in low confidential tones, "So, what happened?"

"He got the drop on us, Garrus. There was a beacon and a prothean VI there, all the intel we needed to find out what the Catalyst was and I just let it slip through my fingers. I can't believe I let her down...again." Kaidan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I thought I did everything right, but it wasn't good enough. I'm not_ her. _ Or you._"_

"You say that like I've never failed, Kaidan. What did Shepard say?" Garrus was a little flattered that the human held him in such high regard, though it didn't seem right to be thought of as on par with their commander.

"She said everything I did, she would have done the same way. But I can't help but feel that she was just trying to make me feel better."

"Ha, she never pulled her punches before, well once, but that's not important right now." Garrus scoffed at the idea, "If you had truly screwed up, you know you'd have heard about it."

Kaidan considered him thoughtfully for a long pause, before shaking his head, "The worst thing about it is she's having to cover my ass in there with Hackett and the asari councilor right now. Another homeworld fallen to the enemy. I just...I feel like this thing is getting away from us."

"Have faith, Alenko, it's not over yet. Not by a long shot." Garrus pointed at the map, where their new destination glowed with a pulsing red light, "Where are we headed?"

"Cerberus' main base of operations, it's in the Horsehead Nebula." Kaidan jabbed at it with a finger, "I can't wait to give those fuckers what's coming to them."

Garrus nodded in heartfelt agreement, bringing his icy glare to stare at that dot with ire. Then he said to Kaidan, who badly needed to believe and who deserved to have someone pick him up, "Don't worry, they'll pay. Hold onto that anger, Kaidan, let it burn away the despair. Shepard will sort them out...for good."

The words worked their familiar magic and he saw the light of conviction and pride fill Kaidan's eyes again and smiled inwardly. Kaidan laughed, "No doubt. And when the Reapers get sorted out, Vakarian, drinks are on me."

Garrus laughed with him, "You got it, buddy. We'll go to that place you come from...Vancouver and paint the town red. You'll have to show me this ice skating you won't shut up about."

Kaidan smiled eagerly, "I thought turians don't like the cold."

"I don't, doesn't mean I can't buy thermals and a coat. Or hell, I can wear my EVA gear, Earth winters can't be as cold as space right?" He grinned at the boyish glee that lit the man's eyes, feeling a sharp pang deep inside for lying to the man, but Garrus knew Kaidan needed to feel like there would be something after the Reapers and the horrors of this war.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan, Garrus. Maybe we all can go there to visit my family, I've got a nice cabin with a fireplace, it's big enough for all of us, provided you don't mind it cozy." Kaidan looked into space with a small smile on his face, and it warmed Garrus to see hope in it, "We can hunt or fish or just drink some beers and look at the scenery. It'll be great."

"Yeah, sounds great." Garrus clapped Kaidan on the back and ambled away, leaving the biotic to his ruminations. He addressed the ship, "EDI, where's Shepard?"

"Commander Shepard is in the starboard observation deck."

_Hmm, how did she sneak past me? _He had to speak with her, even if she was avoiding him so he hopped back into the lift and pressed the button, rocking back and forth on his feet. Troubling thoughts occupied him as he let his feet guide him to his destination.

He palmed the lock and walked into a darkened room, Shepard's slender frame outlined by the light of the stars that flew past them as she stood looking out at the void. She twisted slightly and nodded to him, turning back to the window. Garrus walked up to stand at her side, studying her profile out of the corner of his eye. The scars which used to fascinate him were still there, in pale relief against her porcelain skin. Not even time could erase all the wounds she'd endured.

Her eyes spoke of weariness, the light in them dimmed to a mere flicker that echoed the pitiless stars that shone upon them from the stygian depths of space. She sighed, "It looks like I'll have to take a raincheck on that date, Garrus."

"Not going back to the Citadel, are we?" Garrus leaned toward her, and she leaned into him, drawn into each other like they were gravity wells of the same mass.

"No." She whispered, "We'll take out Cerberus and then head straight for Earth."

"It would have been great." He said sadly, breathing in her scent. He looped an arm around her and pulled her close, her warmth a balm for the spike of fear that rose in him.

"Tell me." She plead, as she looked at him sidelong. She wanted a dream, and he would kill to give her anything she wanted, had, in fact.

"Well, I would have taken you to the top of the Citadel, I've always wanted to go up there." He smiled into her hair and she sighed, closing her eyes as she imagined it, "I would have quipped quite wittily about inspiring a certain mood and you would have laughed at how cheesy I am. I love to hear you laugh, you know. The air would have been warm and clear, the aircars zooming below us over the lakes of the Presidium, too far away to notice two old soldiers breaking some one hundred and twenty-eight regulations just to have some fun. I would have brought some rifles and finally would have shown you how to handle a gun. Like I never did get the chance to."

He pulled her tighter as she trembled, continuing, "I think that's when I would have asked you to marry me, up there in that windy place. That is, if you didn't wound my pride too much by showing me up at what I do best."

"I'd have said yes." His heart ached when her mouth curved up in a wistful smile, "I'd have told you I love you and you would have made some terrible joke about vids."

He laughed, "But you would have known what I meant."

"Yeah..." She pulled his arms around her even tighter and said softly, "You dream so beautifully, Garrus."

Something in the way she said it made him wonder, "What do you dream about, Jane?"

She sucked in a breath and tensed up, slowly hissing the air out through clenched teeth, and after a long, long while as he waited, she spoke, "The music is...gone. There's intense...pressure, from within and without, and the voices of the dead are calling me. But they're just shadows in the woods and there's...a child, fleeing from me into danger and I can't run fast enough to catch him.

"He runs so fast and I despair, its my fault somehow, all of it and as I watch his body alight with fire, all I can think of is how very silent it is. Because the music is gone." There's a tone of horror in her voice as she says that last that makes his guts churn.

A shiver ran up his spine, "Every night?"

His voice snapped her out of her reverie and she swung her dim gaze to him, "No, not every night, just when it's quietest."

He shifted, uneasily behind her, "About Thessia..."

"It wouldn't have made a difference whether or not it was me calling the shots. I've been wrong about the Illusive Man. He's not blind to the consequences." Her voice made his blood run cold, it was full of frosty rage, "He knows exactly what he's doing. He's choosing to do it anyway."

"What does he plan to do with the prothean VI? With the Catalyst?"

"He needs to control, yearns to pull the strings. We saw that on Horizon. All this, every facet of his domination, even my resurrection, was because he had to control it all, even me." She shook with anger now and he was almost glad to see it burn in her eyes, however frightening it was in its intensity. Anything was better than that weary, bone-tired stare into nothing, "He's trying to interfere with this thing that it took millions and more civilizations to create for this one chance to stop the Reapers and the cycle. Pervert it to his own ends, even if it means at the cost of everything."

Garrus felt crowded by her wrath, and he saw the ends of her hair rise slowly, inexplicably charged with some kind of power, "What does the Catalyst do?"

A flicker of some deep thought in her fae green eyes was his only answer, and he was suddenly sure that she knew... and a thought nagged at him, something that had itched at the back of his mind for awhile, unrecognized until now. Tremulously, he pushed her hair out of her face, a face filled with a kind of vast, unfathomably alien_ other,_ tucking it behind her ear with a talon, and he whispered, "How did you know that there was a stream?"

She reared back like he'd splashed her with cold water, and that otherworldly anger just snapped, the pressure fled to some far/near place and he felt it retreat with timorous anxiety. Was he dreaming, or imagining this whole thing? Maybe he'd gone mad finally, and he carefully took a fearful breath. Shepard looked confused as she watched him. She widened her eyes as her thoughts turned inward, trying to examine what just happened as much as he, "I...don't know."

His omnitool pinged and they jumped in unison, and Garrus cleared his throat with chagrin, opening his comms, "Yeah?"

Joker's voice broke over them, loud in the suddenly silent room, "You have a message in the QE room, Garrus. Someone named Solana."

His heart jumped madly in his breast and he turned an exuberant face to Shepard, "My sister, I got to-"

She smiled softly, gesturing with one graceful hand, "Go on."

He paused at the door and swung back, impulsively asking, his tone urgent, "Come with me?"

For once, Shepard seemed uncertain and he almost grinned at the thought of her being nervous before offering his hand to her. Her jaw tightened and she straightened her shoulders, and took his hand.

Upstairs in the comm room, the blue light of the holographic display flickered into being. Here was his sister, his father and Cicero, all as ridiculously overjoyed to see him as he was to see them. Solana had a plasti-cast on her leg, which drew his attention sharply, "What the hell, Sol? I thought I told you to stay safe."

She waved her hand dismissively, "Should have seen the other guy."

Cicero took his sister's hand and Garrus saw their matching wristlets and smiled gentle approval. His father's gaze drifted down to his and Shepard's and Garrus slowly took Shepard's hand in his, mirroring the couple before them. Garrus turned to his bondmate, "Jane, this is my father, Gaius Iulius Vakarian, my sister, Solana and her bondmate, Cicero."

She stepped forward with a smile, "I am so pleased to finally meet you all. Garrus has told me so much about you."

His father rumbled, "Same here, Commander Shepard. Shame we cannot meet in person, I'd welcome you to the family properly."

"Where are you?" Garrus asked, eagerly, maybe there was time for a rendezvous before the end. He would dearly love the chance to see such a thing.

"On a turian cruiser headed for the Citadel. We're planning on staying in the refugee camp until my leg is healed." Said Sol, with humor.

Garrus felt a strange piercing alarm at the mention of the Citadel and furrowed his brows. He saw the echo of the same in Shepard's eyes, who spoke with false cheer, "Hell, why not hitch a ride all the way to Earth? No safer place to be than in the middle of the first galactic armada."

Cicero laughed, "True true. Not sure how much use I'd be without my team, anyway. They're already en route, due to arrive at the Sword fleet in two days."

"All our forces have been pulled from Palaven," His father said, pain evident in the line of his shoulders, "but thankfully we got a lot of people out."

Garrus coughed, feeling guilt, "I know. I...made the call. I wish it could have been different, but-"

"I'm sure you did what had to be done, son. It rankles me to no end that the Reapers have Palaven, but it's just dirt. Provided whatever it is you're doing succeeds, we can always move back. Though now, with most of the Heirarchy gone, it'll be a challenge to get the whole thing back to some sort of order."

Garrus swallowed, "Just how many higher-ups did we lose? Is Primarch Victus still alive?"

"Victus is with the fleets, but as far as the ground forces go, no one above the rank of lieutenant commander is still alive or active. Corinthus fell on Menae, as did Albinius, there's a huge gap in the chain of command._ Your_ standing orders are the only ones that are saving our men out there." Cicero saluted him and out of the corner of his eye, he saw the corners of Shepard's mouth go up fractionally. Abashed at the implied power at his fingertips, he ducked his head.

Garrus ran a hand over his fringe and let out a breath, "Cicero, I know you can make the calls in my absence. I'll tell Victus to get some battlefield promotions out, there's no reason to not have a command structure in place. We're almost ready for the final push and we need people who can see the whole picture in key positions."

"Son, we'll be praying for you and Shepard. See you at Earth, after you take it back." His father reached a holographic hand out to him and Garrus lifted his to touch the ghostly image's fingers, feeling a slight shock of electricity as his talons met no resistance. The older Vakarian's mandibles spread in a smile, "I'm proud of you, Garrus."

His chest swelled and he just barely choked out the lie, "I'll see you on Earth. All of you. Goodbye."

Maybe some of the pain leaked out into his voice, because just at the image cut out, he saw their eyes widen in alarm. He cursed himself for not being stronger, for not keeping it tucked away further. He leaned on the console, head down in thought. All his work was threatening to go up in flames, not that it already wasn't under siege from the Reapers' invasion, but he could see that without a guiding hand, all his laborous planning for the future of the turian race could become distorted, like echoes in a cave until they were just as incomprehensible and obtuse as the traditions that were holding his people back in the first place. He just had to hope that Cicero and the rest could stay true to the way.

Shepard wrapped her arms around him and he rumbled a sigh. Her cheek pressed to his back as she said, "They need you."

He turned to face her and tilted her head up so he could see her eyes. He poured warm conviction into his gaze and saw hers brighten with unshed tears, "No, they don't. You need me."

"I do." She ran her hands around the inside of his cowl, and up his neck and he shivered at the sensation, nipping at her fingertips as she flitted them across his mandibles, "We have a few hours before we get to the Chronos Station. Come upstairs and I'll show you how much I need you."

He shuddered as desire flowed up his spine and gasped as her hands found that spot under his fringe that had hot and cold spikes of arousal run up and down his whole body. "I've got to make a few calls, but I'll be up in twenty. You better be ready."

She flashed him a wicked smile that had his heart pounding in his ears just as she left the room. Spirits, did he love her and he turned with a grin, taking a deep steadying breath before opening the comms and relaying his final orders to all his brave men out there, who strove so hard for him and themselves.


	13. Chapter 13

EDI was a godsend in the Illusive Man's little fiefdom of a station, saving them innumerable times on this trek. Garrus watched the footage of the Illusive Man over Shepard's shoulder as EDI fiddled with the lock. This was the third such monitor they'd found and it contained a vid pertaining to the assassin, Kai Leng, that sneaky bastard that had caused them so much grief already. His talons itched to wring that human's neck, hear the small vertebrae crack under his hands. Shepard seemed just as viciously eager, briskly turning off the terminal and stalking from the room. He and EDI followed, checking corners and doorways as they progressed.

A long lit corridor with an upward incline led them to a door and Shepard palmed the lock impatiently. The door slid open on a huge room with mirror like floors and ceilings. There was one whole wall of windows, giving them a startling view of the fleet picking off the Cerberus ships in the void around a huge flaming orb. A single chair sat in the space and Garrus shook his head at how very...ostentatious it was. By the look on Shepard's face, it wasn't the first time she'd seen this room and he watched her pause over a glowing disk on the floor. This must be the terminus at the end of the communicator she'd used to contact him while they were co-opting with Cerberus.

Then she was striding to the chair before the glowing screens, sliding into the seat fluidly. She said, turning her head to EDI, "We have to locate the prothean VI."

EDI nodded and went to another series of monitors, pecking at them with inhuman speed. Momentarily distracted by the flying, burning, exploding ships, Garrus spun around, weapon drawn at the sound of a voice behind them. The Illusive Man, in ghostly blue holo form, stood upon that QE comm terminal, "Shepard."

He growled, face a snarl at the coward who'd run from his own fortress, his own men dying in the starfield around them. Shepard didn't move at all, as the man continued, "You're in my chair."

"This chair's about the only you have left. Cerberus is finished." She stood and faced him, her eyes dancing with fire, her voice icy with hate.

The Illusive Man shifted back on his heel, "On the contrary, we have achieved everything I ever imagined. Almost everything."

"Sanctuary." She spat the word as she advanced on the apparition, making it a damning accusation. "And now you hope to rule the Reapers."

"Thanks to the prothean VI, I have what I need to make it a reality." Those eerie cybernetic eyes glowed with smug triumph and a touch of madness, a desperation that seemed at odds with his smirk.

"Sad little king on his sad little throne." Shepard mocked him with a smirk of her own, "Petty. You're ambitions are so small. And what will you do if you can't have it?"

"Can't you feel it, Shepard, the momentum? I am being pushed, just as you are. We are the same, you and I." He was laughing at her rage now, he must truly be insane. "Pushed to the end, finally, once and for all the end. How blessed it will be."

"It's not too late, Jack." Shepard's voice tolled out like a bell. The Illusive Man reeled back in shock, this man who would be a god surprised so thoroughly at the mere mention of a name, _his_ name before he took on a mantle that deluded him into believing he was above all consequence. Her arrow struck the man dumb and he blinked, Shepard held her hand out palm up, beseechingly, "You know I can stop it, don't usurp this one chance, it won't come again."

Garrus saw the doubt, so similar to the doubt that took Saren in the end, but he also saw the glitter of malice. There was no giving in for this man, he was lost, gone beyond the threshold of coming back. "Shepard, it's no use. Whatever he used to be, he's not that any more."

Shepard stepped back to the chair, slowly and deliberately turning her back on the Illusive Man, who stepped forward without seeming to mean to, his face a snarl of rage, "Don't turn your back on me, Shepard!"

"Your part is nearly done, little monarch, you will not succeed." Her voice was cool, indifferent. She looked past him as if he were below her regard and Garrus could see how it burned the man to be dismissed, unimportant.

EDI spoke then, "I've got it."

A glowing green holo with the vague silhouette of a prothean appeared before them and the Illusive Man glared at Shepard, "Enjoy your little chat, but don't overstay your welcome."

And now the only apparition present was the VI and it spoke, "You are attempting to recover me from indoctrinated forces?"

And Garrus sighed resignedly as the VI revealed the truth finally.

* * *

He wandered through the ship, just talking with the people around him, a word here, a handshake there. Morale was high, he saw with gratitude. Garrus stopped in the medbay to check on Javik and Liara. They were arguing in low tones when he entered, but stopped at his approach. Liara turned her face from the prothean. Garrus sat on a stool between their beds and met Javik's indignant eyes, "Alright, what did you do?"

"Why is it when a female is upset, it is always assumed to be a male's fault?" His tone was clipped, tight with anger and familiar resentment, maybe he hadn't changed much at all.

Garrus sighed, "Very funny, Javik. Seriously, what did you do?"

"My world was just destroyed and all he can do is gloat!" Her voice lashed out at the prothean viciously, which caused a flush of bright crimson on Javik's neck.

"The asari wanted to know more about her history and now she does." _Oh, bad move,_ thought Garrus when he heard a shriek of outrage behind him.

"My _name_ is Liara T'soni! And I'd appreciate you using it from now on!" Her body glowed in a corona of energy as she fired up her biotics in her rage, her eyes furious slits of anger.

A sharp retort died in Javik's throat when Garrus sighed deeply, sadly, his gaze causing both of them to look away in shame. He hunched his shoulders, "Is this what you guys really want? If this was really the end, is this what you'd take with you?"

Javik looked at the asari, who was flushed with chagrin, "I..apologize, Liara T'soni."

She reached out and touched his elbow, "Javik..."

"Hey, guys," Garrus interrupted and smiled as they looked at him with astonishment. "We got Kai Leng."

"Goddess, finally. I wish I had been there." The fierce light of justice fulfilled shone her eyes, echoed in Javik's.

"You missed one hell of a fight. Seriously, Shepard was amazing."

Javik snorted, "We all know how high Shepard is in your estimation. Just tell us the story. Try not to embellish her charms over much."

And so he did, with as much embellishment as he could, arms gesturing animatedly as he described the intense firefight in that mirrored room and how, when the rest of them had thought their enemy fallen, Kai Leng had risen behind them with the intent of stabbing her in the back like the coward he was. The priceless shock on the assassin's face as she'd swung around with a fist and shattered his sword, the sound her omniblade made as it pierced that hated man's heart. Garrus finished with, "And then she said, 'That was for Thane, you son of a bitch!' "

Javik laughed evilly, "And thus-"

Garrus interrupted him, "-all fools perish. Yeah yeah, heard it before. You really need to work on a better catchphrase."

Liara laughed lightly, then dropped her voice in imitation of the prothean's deep tones, " 'In my cycle, we didn't need better catchphrases.' "

Garrus guffawed loudly, "Ah haha, that was good."

Javik leveled a threatening stare at the two of them, "Don't you have something to calibrate, turian?"

"Ooo, burn. Well, if you don't watch your mouth, you're going to be calibrating by yourself, prothean. And then we won't have any four-eyed, blue babies to gawk at in the future." Garrus chuckled at the embarrassment that flitted over both faces before him. He hopped off the stool and sauntered out of range, in case they decided to throw something once they got over their shock. He tossed back one more comment as the doors slid shut. "You better name the first one after me."

* * *

He sent some carefully timed messages to his family, ones that would show up...after. He also created a will of sorts for his meager possessions, mostly his guns in the armory.

Tali spotted him as he was walking through the galley to the gun battery, "Garrus, come talk with me."

He shrugged and ambled over to where she was preparing some food for herself. It was a pouch of sterile nutrient paste that she was palpitating with her hands to get it to mix, "Yum, that looks appetizing."

"Watch it, Garrus. We don't all get to eat cuisine in expensive restaurants on Earth, with spices and things." Tali carefully stuck a straw in the packet and sipped at it through the port in the bottom of her mask. "Actually, it's not bad. Want some?"

The turian eyed the packet warily, "Uh, no...thank you. Besides, I'll just get my germs in it."

"Well, I don't blame you, but don't worry about me. I've been jump starting my immune system. The geth have been a huge help."

"Wait, what?" Garrus looked at her quizzically.

"Shepard didn't tell you? The geth have been downloading themselves into our suits and simulating infections and viruses to reduce our immunodeficiency, boosting our resistance to germs." Tali sat at a table and he joined her, crossing his legs and resting his hands on top of his fringe, fingers interlaced.

"So...you have a geth in your suit...right now?" His browplates raised in surprise as she nodded, her mask catching the light. "Rather more intimate than I thought you'd ever be with one. And that doesn't bother you at all?"

"It'll totally be worth it. I'll tell you, though, it is a bit unnerving to suddenly get messages from my suit, on my HUD." Tali sighed as she ate her gruel. He could almost see a smile on her face, "In fifty or sixty years, we won't even need the suits. I might still be alive to see it, Garrus. Can you imagine it?"

"It'll be a thing to behold, I'm sure." He grinned at her, "You'll see it, Tali. I just know you will."

"And you and Shepard will have to come visit me on Rannoch, at my house." She crumpled the empty container in her fist and tossed it into a waste bin, turning her face to him fully.

"Yeah, and we'll bring Urz. Or should we bring Kaidan?" Garrus wiggled his browplates in what he hoped was close to suggestively, another thing he'd picked up from humans and was rewarded with a giggle and a playful slap on the shoulder.

"If you're trying to get me to blush, Garrus, seems pretty pointless, since you can't even see it."

"Have I ever told you how sensitive turian hearing is? I can_ hear_ the blood rushing to your face."

Tali gasped, then said, with consternation, "No, you can't."

Garrus laughed, "No, I can't. But I had you going for a bit."

"Oh, back to Rannoch, I was hoping that when we start to recolonize, the turians could give us a hand with agriculture, maybe transplant some of the hardier strains of turian grains. See if it takes in the soil or not." She was all admiral now and Garrus shook his head at the transformation. She wasn't the shy quarian girl on pilgrimage any more. "The geth say the more foreign contaminants we expose ourselves to, the faster we'll adapt."

"Of course, Tali, I'll do whatever I can. I'll pass the word to the appropriate people." He logged it in his mind as another thing to take care of before they got to Earth, and he stood. He waved a farewell as he went to the battery, walking into the familiar room with a smile. He ran his hands over the terminals and monitors, gazed around at this small space that contained so much of _him, _his presence. He'd spent so much time here over the two years since the Normandy's rebirth. A bunk lay in the corner, mostly unused except as a table for his crates of guns and gunparts, mods, tools.

He knew it had been painted over, but he approached an area of wall he knew used to have deep claw marks and blue splashes of his blood on it. He put his hand over it, fancying he still felt some texture differences in places. It had been a nightmare that had him attack the wall with such vehemence. He'd found more pleasant things to dream about since and he smiled as he thought about what some of those were.

* * *

"You're going to take care of her, right?" Joker's concern was utterly endearing and Garrus grinned a reassurance. He caught EDI rolling her eyes behind the pilot, which made his grin widen with mirth. Joker's brows furrowed and he turned to see EDI's polite, innocent face staring back at him.

"You think I'm going to stop now? After all this time?" He chided the man gently, leaning on the back of the chair.

"Right. Sorry I asked, I just-it feels like things are coming to a close, even if we somehow survive the total annihilation of the galaxy by giant crazy robots. No offense, EDI." Joker took a deep breath, "Anderson had me freaked out earlier...I'll get over it, especially if Shepard comes back alive. So don't make me break my foot trying to kick your ass if she doesn't, okay, Spiky?"

"Okay, already, just fly the ship, keep this bird alive and kicking ass." He looked over at EDI, who was studying him intently. Garrus gritted his teeth, and jerked his head to indicate that she should follow him. "EDI, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course, Garrus. Excuse me, Jeff."

Garrus led EDI away from the grumbling pilot and into a space by the bulkhead where no one could overhear them. The turian waited for the inevitable questions, knowing that EDI heard everything on the ship and probably knew what was really going to happen. EDI looked into his eyes, "Are you really going to give Jeff your M-76 Revenant?"

"What? Why not?" He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a bit foolish. It didn't surprise him that she'd hacked his personal files.

"Well, for one, should he happen to try to fire it, the statistical probability of him breaking his shoulder and humerus is extremely high."

He waved his hand, "But it's a classic. I got it off the old Shadow Broker, so it's got sentimental value. Guns are about all I have to give."

She shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest and harrumphing. He laughed at the affectation and she smiled, just a little. "It's seems unnecessary to worry about people when you plan on being deceased, but I see both you and Shepard doing it. It is...confusing."

"What's to understand? We'd like to think that everyone will be okay after we're gone. It's important now, because we won't have the luxury later. We'll be... somewhere else." Garrus threw his hands up at her mystified expression, "What? Surely you've heard about afterlifes."

"I have read many fascinating texts about the subject, but it seems more likely that there will be nothing after death."

"Then it won't matter either way, will it, EDI. Might as well make the most of the time we have left." Garrus saw EDI process this, her chin dipped down and her hand came up to cradle her chin, "But what do you believe, EDI? Do you think this is it? Just this?"

She shifted to her other hip, "I...have a soul, I am more than the sum of my parts. Does it continue after I expire? I don't know. Would I like it too? Yes. But there is not enough data."

"And there never will be. Isn't that marvelous?" He laughed at her visible annoyance at his flippancy. He took her chin in his hand and tilted it up, looking down into her eyes with warm affection, "EDI, I'm going to miss these little talks with you, but I must go find Shepard."

"Shepard is in the shuttle bay with Lieutenant Vega." EDI walked back to the cockpit. Garrus knew she wouldn't spill the beans, as James would say.

He hummed to himself as he rode the elevator down to the bay and grinned as the doors opened, revealing Shepard and James sparring on the mats they'd dragged out for this purpose. He swaggered in, nodding to Cortez who paused in his welding to wave at him. A few crewmembers had congregated to watch as Shepard ran circles around the poor Lieutenant.

"C'mon, Vega, move that ass." She gave it a kick as she spun, drawing a laugh from the onlookers.

"Hey, Lola, if you just wanted me to shake it for you, you just had to ask." James did a little shimmy, lips pursed, hips rocking, which had Shepard chuckling.

"Always knew you were a pole dancer at heart, Vega." Garrus called from the sidelines, "Maybe Aria can find a use for you after all."

"Hey, Scars, want in on this dance?" The human gestured to Shepard, who was bouncing from foot to foot, her hair slicked down with sweat. Her arms and stomach were exposed in the skintight top she was wearing, and along with the small shorts that showed off her spectacular legs it all came together in a spicily titillating package that had his blood pumping just a bit faster. He wrenched his eyes away from the sight, locking his gaze firmly on the man who was regarding him with amusement.

"And miss you getting humiliated? Not a chance, I'll get winner." Garrus crossed his arms over his chest and watched with half lidded eyes as Shepard did precisely that, finishing the bout with a vicious right hook that had Vega's head bouncing off the mat as he dropped, dazed. Garrus crowed and helped the man to his feet, "Well, that's that, James. Might as well go call Aria for an interview. You're going to need a job after the war."

"Whew, that one rang my bell. I'm just gonna..go sit..down." James sat heavily on a bench, where some of the crew took care of his injury with a medigel pack.

Garrus turned to Shepard, who was eyeing him with a dangerous glint in her eye. It made a tingle run up his spine, heating his skin. Slowly, he unbuttoned his shirt's cowl, wishing for a moment that he had time to go grab his shorts. _Might as well start with a little psychological warfare, _he thought as he made a little show of pulling the material of his top over his head, flexing a little under her heated gaze. Her tongue came out to wet her lips and she stretched languorously with a sigh, much to his delight, as if to say two can play at that game.

He shrugged with good humor, relinquishing the point, pulling his knees up to his chest to stretch his hamstrings, bouncing a little to warm up. She cocked her head to watch him, her lips pulled into a crooked smile, "You know, I don't think we've ever done this."

He circled to her right and she moved to keep him in front of her, "Well, I didn't want to get my ass handed to me. I remember when you and Thane sparred."

"I remember losing that fight." She smiled darkly, and he shivered, oh, she was so _deadly_.

"Only because you held back." He dropped his voice into a lower register and narrowed his eyes in satisfaction when her skin flushed, "You don't have to hold back now."

Her eyes were emerald fire that threatened to immolate him where he stood, and she said, oh, so softly, "No, I don't."

And she was on him, a wild flurry of blows that he just barely dodged, ducked or blocked. It would seem to the casual eye to be undisciplined, but he felt the power of each strike aiming for all his vulnerable places and he started to return the favor with eagerness. By silent agreement, they started leaping around the whole shuttle bay, not just on the mats, using parked vehicles to gain leverage, struts as shields, Garrus even dangled from a piece of conduit at one point, barely avoiding a devastating kick to his chest as he pulled himself up and over her flying leap.

They rolled away from each other momentarily, both breathing hard, and Garrus met her eye with rueful amusement. They were so evenly matched, couldn't out think each other because it would be so easy to get trapped into static patterns that way, they had to rely on complete unpredictability, unorthodox angles of attack and it was taxing them both.

This time he came at her in slow, measured strides, taking advantage of his superior height to press her defenses high, then dropping low to kick at her legs, trying to trip her up. She danced out of the way of the almost lazy strike and retaliated with a high leap that ended with her legs wrapped around his neck like a vise. As they fell, he rolled easily to land with her on her back, the air whooshing out of her lungs. Her legs didn't loosen however and he squeezed a hand between her knee and his windpipe, gaining just enough leeway to breathe in a huge lungful of air. Using brute strength, he pried her legs apart, and she popped him a couple times in the side of the head with her fists.

He got a hand around her ankle and prepared to flip her on her stomach, but she'd somehow squirmed around to push him away with her feet with a grunt, rolling away. She came up easily in a crouch, as did he, a manic grin plastered on her face. Her lip was bleeding and he watched her tongue come out to lap at the blood. It was so sinfully primitive, a growl started up deep in his chest and the two predators circled warily.

Shepard straightened, turning her stalking crouch into a hip swaying swagger, a wicked light in her eyes. Garrus' attention was magnetized to those hips as she moved sinuously on her half of this imaginary circle, "Trying to distract me?"

"Is it working?"

He shrugged, "Hmm, maybe."

"Only returning the favor." She slid closer to him, and he waited for the attack, hands up defensively. Her scent wafted to him and his eyes threatened to roll back in his head. _Oh this woman, she uses everything in her arsenal_. He leaned forward at the hip, slightly. Opening himself up for a punch in the face if she were so inclined, but she just stood there, tantalizingly within arm's reach.

He made his voice a low seductive growl, "You find me distracting?"

"More than you know." She reached a hand slowly to cup his scarred mandible and he rumbled at her, leaning into that warm hand. She stood on tiptoe and gently touched her forehead to his and he went limp, dropping all his defenses as waves of heartfelt emotion pounded through him.

He straightened when with a sigh as she moved away, and he said with humor, "Alright, you win."

Disappointed sounds and a few brave boos floated to them from their audience, most of whom were already wandering off. Garrus kept his eyes on her as she toweled the sweat off her brow and body, staring at the curve of her back as it tapered down to the swell of her rear, watched the muscles of her midriff flex as she twisted.

"So that's how you beat a turian." James was at his elbow, grinning as he pressed a cold compress to his head, "A little headbutt put you out of commission, Scars?"

"Let me tell you something about women, Vega. Sometimes you have to lose, to win." Garrus echoed the man's smile with his own, nodding toward Shepard.

"Oh ho, some kind of expert now, are we?" Shepard joined them, "What ever happened to 'most of my experience is theoretical'?"

"I told you, I'm a tactician. I logged a lot of hours doing research." Too late did Garrus realize how that could be construed and ducked his head, waiting for the ridicule. He didn't have to wait long.

"Oh, I bet you did, Scars. A lot of...research." Vega pounded him on the back, laughing so hard that tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away with one calloused finger, "I have to say, that, the way you guys flew at each other, was fuckin' crazy. So fast I could hardly see where one punch ended or another began. Before all the touchy-feely crap, anyway. Can't believe you just let her win, though."

"I didn't. She plays dirty. Knows my greatest weakness." He caught Shepard's eye and held it, filling his gaze with smoldering intent. She blushed under the stare, rubbing one arm lightly with the opposite hand. His visor picked up her increasing heartrate, which had slowed in the aftermath of their match.

"Oh, and what's that?" James cajoled.

"I would think that was obvious." He gestured to the woman before them, who had gathered up her things and was walking towards the elevator with a decidedly exaggerated swing in her stride, her eyes caught his just as the doors closed and he felt his heart thump at the patent invitation in them.

"Oh right."


	14. Chapter 14

Above him in the dark, her eyes glittered as she rode him. She tilted her pelvis and the slight change in friction had him gasping for breath and he clutched her hips tighter, picking up his rhythm. She panted wantonly as he buried as much as he could of himself in her with every downward stroke. His toes curled as another climax rolled through him, making him jerk and moan uncontrollably, and still she moved, her teeth gritted as she ruthlessly pursued her own release. Garrus slid his hands up her sides, lost in the sensation of emptying himself in her depths.

The starfield that drifted behind her head lent the atmosphere an almost dreamlike quality, the soft light of the aquarium catching in little sparkles on her blood red hair. He reached between them and flicked the hard nub of her clitoris with his thumb and she shook, thighs tightening on his waist. There was no stopping the arching of his back at this carnal stimulation, his hips lifting off the bed. She balanced masterfully with each bounce. His mandibles spread in a silent roar as her inner muscles clenched around him, almost painfully and she let out a long, throaty moan, her head tilted back, arms falling to the sides helplessly. He just barely caught her as she started to slide to the side, his thrusts jarring her loose from her perch.

He rolled her under him, never breaking rhythm and felt her legs come up to wrap around his waist, ankles locking together behind him. He slowed down, inching in and out of her, gasping at the way her slick channel with its inner texture slid tightly over every inch of his engorged member. Her fingers came up to play with his fringe and he buried his face at her neck, licking and nipping her delicious skin there. He smelled saltwater and darted his eyes up to her face. Tears rolled gently down her cheeks as she looked back at him with a loving smile on her face, she touched his mandibles gently and kissed him deeply, passionately and he rumbled at her, rolling his hips, running his hands through her soft hair, marveling all over again at how very soft it was, it slid like a liquid fire over his palms and his hands fisted in it as the white hot ecstasy of release flooded through his body yet again, his eyes locked on hers as he shuddered with every throbbing pulse.

He could tell from the way her eyes narrowed in a half lidded dazed stare that she was close and he nipped at her ear, humming encouragement as he moved within her with flagging strength, he didn't know how much longer he could keep going. So he gathered her up to his chest and laid his mouth right over her ear, "You feel so good, Jane. Soft and wild, and hot, like an inferno."

His resonating tones drifted over her sweatsoaked flesh in almost visible ripples and he felt her quivering under him and chuckled darkly at the effect his voice had on her, "Hmmm, so tight and slick, I could do this forever."

She arched under him, quaking in her need and he pressed down on her, thrusts picking up speed, never relenting as he growled seductively at her ear, "Let go. I want to feel it. I want to feel you squeeze me inside you."

Her eyes rolled back in her head and her mouth went slack and he pounded her for good measure, feeling the first spasms of her orgasm as he ground out past the delicious sensation, "Cum for me, Jane."

With a hoarse cry, she gripped the edge of the sheets, arching her back in her fulmination, he heard the cloth of her sheets rip under her frenzied assault and bucked into her, feeling an echoing pang of pleasure that was all he had left to give and he collapsed atop her, feeling weak and light headed. Her breathing was ragged as she cooled down, hands still fisted in the tattered remnants of her bedclothes. He tutted consternation at her, whispering dryly, "Not my fault this time."

She didn't even have the strength to laugh, just sort of sighed in an amused way, "You are a bad, bad turian."

He wrapped his arms around her contentedly, "Yes, yes I am."

"You don't know what you do to me." She smiled into his eyes.

"I think I may have an idea, but how about you tell me anyway."

"Fishing for compliments?"

"Maybe." He narrowed his eyes in mock consternation at her tiny smirk, "A man likes to know he's doing alright sometimes."

"More than alright, Garrus, definitely. Hmmm, how about this, then." Her eyes said that this was about to venture into serious territory and he felt a touch of trepidation, at what he didn't know, "Since you wandered so blithely into my life, I've never known more doubt. Never wanted to give up more on this damned thing I have to do."

Shocked, he stayed silent, not really sure where this was going and after a too long pause, her expression shifted to reflect the sadness that was in her eyes, she continued with a hitching breath, "Did you ever wonder if-if you asked me...if you said, 'If you love me, you'd stop', if I'd run away and live the long life with you that you dream about?"

"I...I don't know what you want me to say, Jane." He clutched at her tighter, his voice uncertain because he had wondered, had betrayed the cause they were fighting for with the traitorous thought, "I'd never..."

"I know, you wouldn't. But this I give you, because I have so little to give, and all that I have is yours." Shepard watched him, with painful awareness of just what she was doing to him. "If you asked...I would."

His mind was awhirl with the maelstrom of conflicting feelings that assaulted him. He felt awful temptation rip at him as no other thing had in his whole life. The power she'd just relinquished astounded him. His heart pounded painfully, with longing, "You'd...do that?"

"For you, I would." Shepard tensed, "For you, I'd stop."

She didn't say that the galaxy would burn, she didn't have to. He trembled at the mindnumbingly humbling gift she'd just offered him and buried his face in her hair, swallowing back a keen. Then he pulled back and nodded into her eyes, saying without words that he understood how profound a boon this was, _I will not ask you. I couldn't break your honor or your heart like that with my cruel selfishness._

She sighed with relief, closing her tear-filled eyes and held him close, as close as she could, "Three hours. Only three more hours til...Earth. I don't think I can sleep."

"Me neither. Jane..." He rumbled, his voice hoarse with emotion, "...will you sing for me?"

She quirked an elegant eyebrow, but nodded, "For you, my love, anything."

He rolled off her and settled himself on one hip, his head cradled in his palm just as the first notes rose from her throat. Her shoulder pressed into his chest softly and he put his hand on her belly to feel the controlled rise and fall of her breaths as she sang softly to him in the dark. It was mournfully beautiful, this song he didn't understand the words of, but filled with humility and strength at the same time. It rose and fell easily around them and seemed to go on forever, pouring out of her mouth in a glorious river of music.

As it died away on the air, a stillness fell over them both and he almost said it, almost let the damning temptation get the better of him, but he put it away from him with a mental shove and sighed deeply, sadly, "That was beautiful. What was it?"

"Mmmm." Her eyes burned with the power of the song and she reached a hand to the stars that floated by serenely, like she could comb them through her fingers like reeds in a stream, which he suddenly felt was in the realm of the possible, as _impossible_ as that notion was. "A plea, a prayer, a hope that it will all turn out alright."

"Will it?" Garrus leaned over her to watch her face as it filled with that strange other. He was still unnerved by it, but this was his Jane and he would understand it if he could.

"There's a part of me that says yes, it moves like a leviathan under the waters of my conscious mind, but it's also afraid, so afraid." She swallowed, eyes still brilliant in the dark, almost unnaturally so and he suppresses a shiver, "Something is going to happen, something...wonderful. If I succeed."

Her uncertainty rocked him to his core, and he brushed her hair out of her eyes with a talon, made of his whispering voice a reassurance he didn't quite feel, "You will. We will see it together before the end."

"Yes, we will." She curled into him, bright eyes resting on his. They lay touching each other gently, memorizing flesh and bone and carapace and hair. He touched her eyelashes with one talon, marveling at how they sprung back so stiffly, traced the scars on her body, even the ones that weren't there any more. She ran her soft fingertips over his hip, over his long thigh, along the seams of his plates, behind his knee where there was a patch of soft skin that tingled at her probing in a very distracting manner. He twitched, resisting the urge to remove her hand and she smiled mischievously, "I think I finally found a ticklish spot."

He growled and said, lunging to loom over her, "I'll show you ticklish."

He ruthlessly tickled her sides and her feet as she futilely tried to fight him off, almost screaming with laughter as she got more and more tangled in the torn sheets. Garrus took a blow to the head from a flung pillow and keeled over, playing dead. When she leaned over him to investigate, his eyes shot open and his arms snaked out to pull her down onto his chest, pressing his mouthplates to her mouth, rumbling in a self satisfied way. She sighed into his mouth and gasped when she felt his lower plates shift against her hip, saying incredulously, "You want more?"

"We still got three hours." He licked her neck from collarbone to ear, smiling to hear her laugh.

* * *

The fleets were reporting in and Garrus watched with secondhand satisfaction the smile tug at the corners of Shepard's mouth. The Sword fleet was massive, there were multitudes of ships in the space around them, they crowded each other in formation. And somewhere close, but not close enough to be a target, there would be the Crucible. A fleeting glimpse before they'd trucked through the relay was all he'd gotten of the huge thing the combined engineering might of the galaxy had taken the last seven months to build, containing all their hopes like eggs in one enormous basket. His visor had given up trying to track so much movement, taking to just flashing an error message at him so he shut it off with a blink.

Joker was agog at the number of ships out there, muttering an occasional, "Holy shit" or "What the shit" that never failed to make his mandible twitch in mirth. He had to be cool, professional as he stood at Shepard's shoulder. Every command vessel out there had her on their vid screens as she prepared to direct this assault. She leaned over her pilot, "Give me control."

Joker shot her a look of puzzlement as he slid his chair back and stood, moving to the copilot's chair. Shepard stood in the place he vacated, saying to Joker as an aside, "You have the Normandy over there?"

"Yes, Commander." He flicked his hands over the screens, taking over the helm of this flagship from the auxiliary console.

Shepard removed her gloves and cracked her knuckles in front of her, "All ships, watch for my marks. As soon as we're through the relay, engage the enemy as directed."

Garrus watched her hands lift up in unison, bent at the elbow, fingers spread and hovering over the symbols that represented every ship out there. Her foot began to tap in time with something only she could hear and he wondered if the admirals and captains out there thought the sight mad, thought her mad. But then they were through the relay and there was no more time for thought as the Reapers moved in to destroy them. Her fingers flew, sprightly and nimble, showing them exactly where they should place their armada for the fullest advantage.

She drew motifs of dizzying complexity for them to fly to avoid return fire, her hands floated in space to show them holding patterns of superb defensive effectiveness. Garrus watched her play them like the universe's largest piano, her back straight, elbows bent, her fingers flashing with inhuman speed as they danced through the three dimensional space that was using the Normandy's cockpit terminals as a proxy. It was a symphony of battle with her as the author and conductor. It moved for her, all of them, even the Reapers.

He could see the miniature faces of each commanding officer gaping in shock at this frightening skill she was possessed by, her eyes burning so brightly as she fought those hideous relics of the ancient past that had stretched their long shadows out to blot out their future. She hissed in pain as a cruiser took a fatal blow, moving another destroyer in to cover the flank. Her countenance was savage and powerful and utterly _alien_, so much so that Garrus had to look away from it or be driven mad. There were some things that shouldn't be witnessed by weak mortal minds. Shepard called out to them, "Hackett, do you see?"

The image of Hackett jolted in surprise on his command deck, then his jaw hardened, his voice a grim growl, "Yes, Shepard, I do."

"Then take them, fight well." Control of the fleets transferred back to each respective CO and Shepard sighed in relief, her otherworldly grace fleeing, and she turned a wry smile to Joker, "Want your seat back?"

Joker's mouth opened and closed repeatedly, making him look like one of the fish in Shepard's aquarium. Kaidan patted the man on his shoulder, for sympathy and comfort. Shepard nodded to Garrus and Kaidan, turning on her heel to head towards the shuttle bay, "Break off when it feels right, Joker. We'll be waiting in the hangar."

"Yes, Commander."

Garrus and Kaidan marched in her wake as she stalked to the elevator, returning salutes along the way. She smiled and hummed to herself on the ride down, drawing a puzzled frown from Kaidan. Garrus shrugged to put the man at his ease, and checked his gear one more time. Cortez waited for them by the shuttle, tossing gear in the back for what might be a prolonged campaign if things went pear-shaped, as Zaeed would say.

The ride down to the planet was harrowing as shuttles left and right were blasted out of the sky. Shepard, never one to back down from a fight, had them take a little fieldtrip to destroy that Hades cannon, which she did with great relish and a nuke gun. Only Shepard could calmly fire a Cain at a towering behemoth while flaming debris fell from orbit. With that AA gun silenced, the rest of Hammer could make planetfall.

"Are there any Alliance shuttles nearby? We need immediate extraction." Shepard's comms crackled and she abandoned trying to hail anyone else when the shriek of a banshee filled the air around them. A swarm of Reaper forces, drawn by the explosion of the Hades cannon no doubt, assailed them. Garrus rolled behind some cover as the horde of cannibals opened fire on their position, clipping Shepard in the shoulder as she fought to sort out the howling mutated asari that was chasing her.

Garrus and Kaidan mowed down the lesser minions then turned to help, assault rifles pounding into the attenuated monster's back. It turned eyes like holes into some nameless hell to them and shrieked another one of those eardrum battering shrieks at them, sweeping its arm across its chest. A blast of bluish white energy rolled towards them and they rolled in opposite directions to avoid it, Garrus was thrown by the concussion of it exploding behind him. Kaidan yelled, "I thought I got enough of these things at that Ardat-Yakshi monastery."

Shepard replied in a wry voice, "There weren't this many Ardat-Yakshi there, the Reapers must be converting every asari into one of these things now."

She rolled up next to Garrus, who shook his head to clear it, "Are you okay?"

"I'm good, let's kill this bitch and get to the real party." His words made her laugh, mouth open in a grin under that mop of red curls. She pulled her shotgun out and lovingly ran a hand over it. She popped out of cover and peppered the thing's side, drawing its attention away from Kaidan, who'd been distracting it with biotic blasts.

Shepard rolled towards the banshee, narrowly avoiding those swinging, grasping claws. Garrus unloaded into the thing's skull, doing quite a bit of damage, but not enough to fell it. A blast from Shepard's shotgun tore through its knee and it tumbled to the ground with a scream. Shepard reloaded tranquilly and put the end of her gun right to the thing's face, pulling the trigger and ending its misery.

"More cannibals!" Kaidan cried out and they turned to face this newest threat.

Shepard's comms crackled and a voice hailed them, "Commander, prep for evac."

A shadow fell over them and Garrus looked up to see the most welcome sight of an Alliance shuttle dropping down to pull them out of this anthill. It hovered on the other side of a long corridor of Reaper minions and he turned his head slightly to see Shepard clench her jaw. She patted them both on their shoulders, "We need to go. Screw the cannibals, run for that shuttle."

He took a great many glancing, and not so glancing, hits to his shields as he pounded through the ruins toward that invitingly open door. Someone in there was making a good accounting of himself and helping them out by picking off the more troublesome enemies. They leaped into the shuttle lightly and the door closed behind them with a soft whoosh. A human male was eyeballing Shepard, who was holstering her shotgun nonchalantly. Their mystery rescuer turned to the pilot, "Get us out of here, corporal."

"Are you okay?" Said that same, as yet unnamed, human in an accent reminiscent of Massani's gravelly tones, and it drew an amused smile from Shepard.

"I'm alive."

"That you are, Commander." Shepard and her team swung around to see a familiar face.

"Anderson." Shepard eyed the man warily and they faced off like combatants. Confusion lit Kaidan's face as he looked from one to the other.

"I knew you wouldn't let me dow-" Anderson was interrupted when Shepard grasped the hand that he'd extended and yanked him toward her.

"It's good to see you, Anderson." Surprise flitted across the admiral's face as she embraced him warmly. Shepard drew back with a rueful smile.

Garrus smiled inwardly to see her try to shake the animosity that had defined the relationship between the two since Anderson had found a broken little girl on Mindoir. Make amends while you can, indeed.

* * *

He wandered around the Forward Operating Base for a time, noting how ragged the resistance was. They'd been fighting a nearly impossible fight and it showed, on every war weary face. Hopefully, Shepard would finally bring them relief, in the form of whatever it was she planned to do to stop the Reapers.

Garrus came across Kaidan, who was leaning against some rubble and staring out at the bright light of the beam in worried contemplative silence. "Hey, Kaidan."

"Oh, hey, Garrus." They stood for a long moment, just watching the Reapers scuttle out there like insects before Kaidan finally broke the silence, "Kinda looks like the Conduit. Remember?"

"Ha, yeah it kinda does." He scratched his fringe, "It's probably another one of those 'it comes full circle' things."

"Like so many things do. What was it you said then, 'only important things are that shiny.'?" Kaidan laughed, "And here's you and me again, in another final push to save the galaxy."

"It's number three for me, you missed out on one." Garrus bumped the biotic with his elbow. "Maybe this time there won't be a mako."

"You want to go through _that_ with nothing between you and it but your hardsuit?" Kaidan's tone was incredulous as he gestured toward that bright light.

"Hmmm. Point taken." Silence fell between them.

"Huh, I've never been to London." Kaidan looked around curiously.

"Not exactly your standard tourist trap, what with all the flaming wreckage." Garrus grinned when Alenko chuckled.

"Oh, I dunno, seems to have drawn quite a crowd." The biotic nodded toward those hideous shadows capering down there.

Garrus cocked a hip in his best swagger and said with tones that promised violence, "Maybe we should tell them that tourist season's over."

"Yeah, we really should." The two men fistbumped and laughed. Kaidan resettled himself against the wall, "You should write that in to Blasto. 'Tourist season is over!' Make a good by line for a vid."

"Right? Set in a tropical getaway, Blasto wearing one of those awful shirts you humans have, the ones with the gaudy flowers all over it-"

"A hawaiian shirt?"

"-yeah, that. And it'll have all the standard action vid ingredients, tons of guns, cute babes, with the added bonus of it being on a beach so there's sure to be a lot of flesh showing. I'll be rich."

"Sounds like a winner to me. Careful or I'll steal your idea." Kaidan flashed him a grin.

"My friend, you can have it. I got plenty of ideas." Garrus laughed at the man, who villainously rubbed his palms together in the universal sign of greed. He turned to walk away and shot over his shoulder, "Got to go talk to Victus. See you at the party, Alenko."

Garrus made his way past the burned out vehicles littering the streets to where he could hear orders being barked in that way only officers know how to do, pausing at the comm room to watch curiously as Shepard stood before the QE pad. The holographic image of Jack appeared, hovering in ghostly fashion before her. She must be saying her goodbyes. Tearing his gaze away from that strong, straight back, he pressed on, giving her the privacy she deserved.

A voice called to him from the left and he turned to see that human from the shuttle, the one with the accent, "You're the Normandy's XO Vakarian, right? I'm Major Coates."

"That's me. How can I help you, Major?" He returned the man's salute, then shook his hand. "And please, call me Garrus. I'm not going to stand on rank with a man who pulled my ass out of the fire."

"In that case, my name's Edward, but everyone calls me Ned." The man smiled as he returned to parade rest, "I was told to show you where Primarch Victus has his command post, it's adjacent to ours."

"Lead the way, Ned."

He followed the man upward, climbing a mountain of rubble and refuse, shaking his head at the scope of the destruction. The major stopped and said, "The fighting here has been some of the worst on the planet. It looks bad, but there's still hope."

"Don't I know it." Garrus smiled at the light in the man's eyes. If there was hope, it resided in these troops, of all races brought together in an unlikely union against the monsters that threatened them with total obliteration.

"And..Shepard's here. It'll do the troops good to see her. Bolster their resolve."

Garrus continued up, following the human as they wound their way around some crumbling walls on the second story of this building, "Hmm. I know Shepard would say that she's just another soldier like them."

Coates turned a doubtful eye on the turian at his back, his words came out sharply insightful, "I think you and I both know that's not true."

"I do know, but she wants to be, so indulge her. Medals and accolades can come later, once we're done here." Garrus patted the man on the shoulder as he stopped at a door that he could already hear Victus' voice drifting out of. "She's a soldier, hero is a word she's not going to welcome right now, so let it be."

"I can see that her people are just as impressive as she is. It was a pleasure meeting you, Garrus. Hope to see you at the front." Another snappy salute and he was gone.

"Likewise, Ned." Garrus said softly, thinking about how many worthy people were about to throw themselves headlong into hell, and how many more were going to die if they failed. The galaxy was going to be a dimmer place for the loss of these men and women. He hated the Reapers then for making them waste their best and brightest in this war. The future they were hoping to build would be sore pressed to rebuild without them.

Victus was issuing orders to a team of Vagabonds when he opened the door with a touch of his palm. He stayed in the background as the leader finished up, raising a hand in a salute as Victus turned to him. "Primarch."

"Vakarian, heard you had a rough trip down." Victus waved away his salute and the two men shook hands, warm regard flowing between them. "It seems like an age has passed since Menae and Tuchanka."

"It is coming to a close, this age and soon, another will begin. What we do in the next few hours will determine exactly what kind of age it'll be." Garrus stood with the primarch and they gazed out over the preparations of the soldiers below them. He spotted Wrex shouting out there with fists raised and smiled.

"Do you think we'll win?" This was said so quietly Garrus was sure only he heard it.

He turned his head fractionally to the turian at his side, "If after all this, we still can't pull it off, then we don't deserve to win. We've given it our all, that's all that can be given and I'll go to my death peacefully, in a few hours or in fifty years, knowing we did everything we could. Shepard says we will win, that's good enough for me."

Victus pulled his shoulders back and clapped Garrus on the shoulder, "I'm going to need you on Palaven in the coming months. There's so much to rebuild and so much to do, I hardly know where to begin."

"Start with the people, Adrien. The rest will come in time." Garrus scratched his chin, "How are we doing, troops-wise?"

"Fairly well, considering how thrown together this force is. We have some chain of command issues when the separate militaries come together in larger groups. Seems some of the old soldiers on both sides still remember the Relay 314 incident less than favorably."

Garrus curled his lip just a tiny bit. Even now, they wanted to squabble with everything on the line, "Fully integrate the ranks. No more purely human, turian, asari and what have you divisions. I want you to coordinate with the Alliance. We need to iron out these logistical problems."

A waft of gun oil and flowers alerted him to Shepard's presence and he turned with a smile, one that was returned wholeheartedly by the tiny woman all their hopes were pinned on. He pretended not to see Victus' grin out of the corner of his eye. Shepard spoke to the Primarch softly as Garrus moved to a console to check troop disposition, uploading suggestions that would cycle to each command unit through their omnitools. A soldier bearing the double chevron of his special forces gained his attention, "Sir, the krogan don't want to share their supplies."

He chuckled, "That's just Wrex playing hard to get. Tell him I've got a crate of Denorian beer I'd be happy to barter with. That ought to get his attention."

Shepard approached and he turned to her, staring down into those beloved green eyes, he wanted to take the sight of them looking at him with such love with him, "So...I guess this is..."

A smile lit her features, making her eyes sparkle in the low light of the lamps, "Just like old times?"

"Huh. Hmm. Last chance we'll ever get to say that." He swallowed a lump in his throat. Sadness rose in him, all the things they'd never get to do, all the plans...left behind with their bodies like discarded clothes. She strode past him to lean with her back against a wall, he leaned on his shoulder next to her, taking in the way she watched the turians around Garrus defer and genuflect to him. He reached out to rub a lock of her hair between thumb and forefinger, "They'll be okay, Shepard."

"Hmmm. Yes, they will." Her lids dropped over her eyes for a moment and then she smiled with melancholy sweetness, "Two of them. A boy and a girl."

His eyes opened in surprise, "I don't know if that's we should-"

"One more dream...for the road." She kept her eyes closed, but tilted her face up to him and he rumbled at her, bringing his face down close to her ear.

"Hmm. Okay, three of them then, two boys and one girl. Or we could even it up with four, then we could have had a boy and girl of each. Turian and human." He flicked her cheek with his mandible and her eyes opened in pleased surprise.

"Four is too many. Three, two girls and one boy."

He groaned at her, "You'd have had me in a house full of women, hmm? Two boys and a girl, that way her brothers will protect her."

"I don't think any kid of ours will have problems in the protection department." She crossed her arms as she regarded him with humor, "Okay, two boys and a girl."

"Two turians and a human or two humans and a turian?"

"Doesn't matter." She pulled him down by his cowl for a fierce quick kiss, "Though we could have adopted a krogan, too."

He laughed at the thought, "Now that sounds interesting. Let's go with that scenario. So, three kids, in a big house on Palaven, lots of places for adventuring children to explore, a large garden for parties and picnics. Hot summers and warm winters with family vacations to Tuchanka and Rannoch and Earth, I guess."

She sighed into his neck and he pulled her close, "It sounds like it would have been perfect."

"Mmm...perfect." He hid her in his shoulder so she could dry her eyes discreetly. She stood straight, a light in her eyes that made his innards quake, here was his Shepard, strong and beautiful, and here was also that other presence there, that was her and not her at the same time, "Now let's go kick these Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of."

She laughed, clear and bright and he could see every soldier in earshot straighten at the confidence intrinsic to that voice. Just her presence brought them hope, he hoped they carried it with them long after she was gone.


	15. Chapter 15

_Figures,_ is all he had time to think as a mako came barreling over the top of another tank, heading straight for him and Kaidan. Time slowed and he froze, the shadow of the vehicle falling over him. Kaidan gave him a shove that finally galvanized him into motion and Garrus dove, desperately. He heard a massive explosion roll over him, tossing him to the side. Ears ringing, vague, sluggish thoughts formed as he slowly figured out that something was wrong. Pain seeped into his awareness as he looked down to see the entire left side of his hardsuit was toast, bits of it just flaming embers over charred grey plated flesh. His medigel dispenser was fried.

His side was wet with blood, staining the outside of his armor cerulean and he gasped in the agony that followed the realization that he was pretty seriously injured. He cast his gaze around for Shepard and she appeared at his side as though in answer to his silent call. Her lips pulled back from her teeth in a fearful grimace at the sight of the holes in his armor, the glowing fiery edges still smoking in places. Dazed, he felt someone pick him up and help him walk to the mako that tried to end him, and he sat heavily in its shadow, As bullets rained against its armored bulk, he wondered how many ironies he would have to endure today.

Over the ringing in his ears, Garrus heard Shepard's voice, "Normandy, do you copy?"

Kaidan plopped down next to them, ripping a medigel pack open and spreading it over Garrus' wounds. He nearly blacked out from the pain of feeling the human's hands run over his burns and deep lacerations. Kaidan smiled grimly as the bloodflow ceased under his ministrations, he patted Garrus on the knee before spinning to pick off husks and marauders with his rifle.

"I need an evac now!" Her voice had a desperate edge as she scanned the skies for her ship. Garrus shook his head, trying to clear it enough to think, to talk, a permanent fog seemed to have clouded his mind.

He was being lifted again and he heard Shepard mumble something under her breath that sounded like "I'm sorry." His heart started to pound in his chest as he saw the docking bay of the Normandy gaping open in front of him. Something...wrong was happening, something that shouldn't be, panic floated just under his consciousness. He was being passed to Alenko, who'd turned at a word from Shepard, "Here, take him."

Garrus wrenched his confused and hurt gaze around to Shepard, who looked at him with shame making bright circles on her cheeks. She grimaced in fear as she took in his shocked and horrified countenance, "You've got to get out of here."

Finally, words occurred to him, though not the screaming diatribe that rushed through his mind, "And you've got to be kidding me."

She seemed to hear what he was thinking, because she shrank from him guiltily, "Don't argue, Garrus."

"We're in this to the end." He ground out hoarsely over his mental scream of 'Y_ou promised!'_ His mind was shaken from the burgeoning feeling of betrayal that had taken root in it, thoughts flitting about like the tag ends of trash that burned in the air around them.

She took a hesitant step toward him, and then another and he wanted to step back, would have if he'd been able to move under his own power and she stopped, steeling herself to be able to stand firm under his accusing glare without crumpling, "No matter what happens here today...know that I love you. I always will."

She meant for him to live, to go on without her. Impossible, she knew it was impossible. How could she do this to him after all they'd been through? He put the truth of it in his eyes as she reached for his face, cupping her hand with his as he made one last heart wrenching plea, "Jane, I...love you, too."

She stepped back and he reached for her, the words, the damning words on the tip of his tongue. He knew if he spoke them she would stay. Her eyes begged him to stay silent and for an awful instant, he almost said them just to prove that he could, to use the power he had over her to prove the great Commander Shepard wrong. But damn her, she knew him so well, used him so very well. He tasted blood in his mouth as his teeth pierced that offending organ to keep it still.

Her lips formed a silent 'no' as something in him shut off, some vital thing that had something to do with her and he realized he was growling, low and cold. Shepard reeled back from whatever she saw in his face, her eyes despairing, but still she turned and he watched her retreating back as she ran for the beam, shown to be a coward at last.

He was empty. And as still and empty of spirit as a statue, he was vacantly staring after her long after the shuttle bay doors had closed. The strength to stand had found him again and Kaidan left him there as the Normandy flew away from the beam and Shepard, who'd abandoned him at the end, had always planned to abandon him at the end. He was sick with the magnitude of it. Sick and empty.

Vaguely, he was aware of events happening around him, but he had nothing to give, least of all attention. Someone led him gently to the medbay, where the rest of his hardsuit was removed, his wounds treated, though he felt them not at all any more. There were no solid thoughts in the chaotic soup of his mind, he balked mentally anytime he let himself approach the subject and the object of this aching betrayal he felt in his soul.

His face felt stiff from where his mandibles clenched so tightly and he forced them to relax, glad he still had mastery over his body, if not his mind. He went on to force every muscle in his body to go limp as he lay on that cold medbay bed. The ceiling held his fascination for the time being, safe in its banality. He felt his body rock with some external impact on the hull and for a moment, green light flickered over the panels above him, the exact color of her eyes.

Garrus shut his reflexively, he did not want to think of...her, didn't want to think past the next breath that he'd never expected to take. He felt an irrational hatred towards the air going in and out of his lungs, then shook himself mentally as that line of thought led to places better left untouched for now.

He was violently rocked to and fro as a loud, grinding crash all along the hull tried to toss him in the air like a ragdoll. He didn't even try to stop himself from falling off the bed and he slid down into a heap as the lights above him failed, flickering out. Then there was darkness and silence, he counted it blessed.

* * *

"So, you napped through the whole crash landing?" James passed him another rock, which he flung away from the ship.

"I wasn't asleep." Garrus straightened for a moment, popping his back.

They were digging the debris away from the ship's base, trying to free the landing gear so that when they did get off this rock, they wouldn't have to damage the ship further yanking it out of the ground with mass effect fields. Plus, EDI informed them that there was a pretty big tear in the hull under there. It would need to be welded by hand.

"Then what were you doing, lying on the floor, in the dark?" James smiled at him, but the smile faded under the cold stare that was all he got in return.

Garrus softened his icy glare somewhat, it wasn't the marine's fault that everything about him reminded Garrus of Shepard. He couldn't even sleep in the ship any more, her presence was everywhere, saturating every room, every hallway. He could barely stand it. Ruefully, his eye was drawn to the scattering of tents in the valley they'd found themselves. What he'd started out of pique, they'd done to follow his example, unaware of his motivation.

He wondered what they'd make of the real reason he'd quit the ship for the outdoors. Probably shock and horror. He didn't care, his reasons were his own and when they pried, because that's what she'd taught them all to do, _pry,_ he shut them down, maybe a bit more vehemently than was necessary. For the most part, they respected his privacy, skirted around him when he was in his fouler moods. Even Javik steered clear, kept his manner carefully ambivalent.

In typical fashion, this planet was levo, which meant he was stuck eating nutrient paste, along with Tali, who was battling illness from a suit tear she'd acquired during the crash. As much as he hated being around them, they needed him and he wouldn't abandon them as callously as she had him. There were things that needed doing, so he did them. Hunted for them, cleared vegetation for them, but he felt a growing resentment build in him.

They'd gotten long range scanners running the other day and Garrus watched with as much surprise as the rest of them as an image of the mass relay they'd thought destroyed, the one that had spat them out onto this backwater planet, seemed to be getting repaired somehow. It was difficult to get the picture to zoom in any further, but Garrus thought that maybe he saw dark shapes out there, flitting around it. It was a bad sign, seeing as the only beings that knew how to build or repair relays were the Reapers.

Only time would tell, so he left it for now. Even if the Reapers had won somehow, he doubted they would bother with this planet.

Three days since they'd landed here, and it would probably be quite a few more before the ship was spaceworthy. He remembered the aftermath, how confused everyone had been, how they'd turned to him for leadership. And he'd turned them to Kaidan. Joker had thrown himself at Garrus, angry words flying like little birds, just as ineffectual as the brittle fists that tried to pummel him. Garrus let the man work himself to exhaustion, then held him as he bitterly wept. He kept his mouth shut, they could keep their illusion. And if he seemed a little reluctant to talk about Shepard, well, he knew they'd just assume it was because he was hurting.

And he was, but not in the way they thought. Sometime between the crash and making camp, his numb, sick, emptiness had kindled into rage. It burned in his guts, a secret fire that he kept well hidden. Sometimes it threatened to make him do foolish things like set fire to her ship, and he had to go into the wilds until he was calm enough to restore his stoic mask. But there was many a tree out there with rips and tears in its bark from his talons.

Night fell and he made his way to his little camp, far from the others, out of sight of the hulking ship. Garrus sat on a log and poked at the embers of last night's fire, feeding it with wood and leaves until it flared into life, orange and red, just enough light to see by and nothing more. He sat back, letting the warmth of the fire heat his plates, mind as blank as he could make it. It was getting easier to master his feelings, at least outwardly, easier to fool himself that he felt nothing.

Laughter and the low sounds of conversation drifted to him from the area the others had pitched tents and he felt a fleeting warmth for them, the survivors of this cataclysm who still found reasons to laugh.

"Garrus, I have an update." EDI's voice in his ear, slightly crackling over the comms.

"Give it to Kaidan." He sighed, would they not leave him in peace? How much more would he have to do for them?

"I did, he said to forward it to you." She seemed to hold her breath as he thought it over.

"What is it?"

"Comms have been re-established with the fleets, travel through the relays is still unavailable, but there has been a large data packet of backlogged messages that has just arrived. There is one for you."

Garrus hoped it was his family, how he would like to hear that they were safe, on their way home. Eagerly, he said, "Patch it through."

A sense of foreboding struck him as he listened to the static and silence that filled the first ten seconds of the recording, then a choked sound that had his blood racing through his veins. _Her_ voice, barely audible, whispered thickly, "I'm sorry, Garrus-"

With a hiss of pure outrage, he clawed at his visor, ripping it off his head and crushed it in his talons, throwing the sad remains of it into the fire. He panted heavily, blue flames at the edge of his vision as he struggled with the sudden painful need to kill something. Even dead, she couldn't leave him be, the anger twisted like a knife in his guts and he writhed where he sat, with no outlet for his pain.

She was sorry, she said,_ not sorry enough,_ too cowardly to face him in those last few moments. She could never be sorry enough. He wished he'd never met her, would have that part of his memory burnt out if he could. The whole of the last four years could be wiped out and he would be downright gleeful for it. He was growling, could feel the vibration of it in his chest even if he couldn't hear it over the pounding blood in his ears.

As his awareness turned outward, he realized he was staring at his wrist, where under the fabric of his underarmor lay an almost obscenely offensive symbol of his devotion to her, a piece of her that he didn't want any more. Slowly, he reached for the sheath at his spur and pulled out a wickedly curving knife that was made from a thresher maw's tooth. With his teeth, he tore at his sleeve until the coppery wristlet lay bare to the sky. He turned his palm up, filling it with light from the moon of this dirtball, a flash of unwelcome memory of Shepard doing the same on Rannoch running through his mind. He looked up into the sky, hoping she was watching as he slid the sharp serrated edge of the knife under those cunning metal loops, rejoicing as each broke and popped loose.

The last tie severed, the wristlet dropped to the ground, a ruin of sentiment and lost dreams. He kicked it viciously into the flames, watching it melt with satisfaction. Methodically, because that was who he was, a man of methods and plans, he gave the fire everything he ever got from her, he ripped the Normandy's insignia from his armor and tossed it in, a book on Earth composers followed and the knife, which didn't so much burn as stare back at him accusingly from the heart of the licking flames. He was even tempted to see if his Black Widow would burn, though it was probably not wise to throw a firearm into a fire.

He contented himself with taking it apart and flinging those parts into the woods around them. When the last piece left his hands, he felt a sick sort of peace fall over him. She'd been exorcised from his presence for now, he might never be able to completely wash the stink of her from him, she'd changed him too much for that, but this was a start. He settled down onto the ground and watched the merciless stars twinkle in the firmament.

* * *

"Just leave me at the damn fueling depot, I'll catch a ride from there." He stared the pilot down, aware of the shocked faces around him as he jabbed a finger at the aforementioned depot on the map.

"You don't want to come to Earth to see if-" Kaidan spoke up from behind him.

Without looking away from the cowering man in front of him, he said, coldly, "I don't have to explain myself to you, Kaidan. I need to get to Palaven, a detour to Earth will delay me for too long."

Liara lifted a hand as though to rest it on his arm, but he shot a look at her sideways and she pulled her hand back like he was going to bite her. Like an animal. He felt the anger coil in his guts. After all he'd done for them and they wanted to treat him like he was some kind of defective. She whispered, "Shepard could still be alive-"

"No. She's dead. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll get over it and move on." He watched his cruel words sink into the flesh of her crew like arrows dipped in poison and regretted, almost, saying them. It was the barest, basest truth that he could gift them with, he would allow no more illusions on this score. _Time to grow up, people._

Brave Tali put a hand on his shoulder, her voice a mix of horror and sadness, "Garrus, don't...leave us this way."

An echo in his mind of his voice saying pretty much the same and he felt a pang of grief below the anger as he looked down into her mask. He looked around to his crewmates and saw the same fear in their eyes. He put his hand over hers and ducked his head, "Tali, I have to go. Please."

He felt their unquestioning acceptance, if not their understanding and love for them trickled through his weary heart. He looked each one in the eye as he stepped toward the airlock, "You know how to get in touch with me, all of you. If you ever need anything, I'll be there."

Their relief was palpable, the connection that flowed between them was strong, it would stay strong. If it was the only thing that survived Shepard, it was enough for him. He crossed the threshold into the damp, lowlit corridors of the fueling depot, pondering heavily the loss of the people behind them on that ship. Memories kept crowding the forefront of his mind, too painful to contemplate for any length of time. And in every single one, her voice, her face, her eyes. A old human saying, probably one he'd heard from her, surfaced in his mind. Forgive and forget.

He could never do the first, but he was going to do his damnedest to do the second.

* * *

A/N: If I've broken your hearts, I'm sorry. But fear not! Stay tuned for more! Will Garrus find peace? Will he ever forgive the dead woman who left him to live, without her? Is she even dead? Who knows. I certainly don't. Well, maybe I do. But...spoilers and all. Suffice it to say; This is not the end, there is never an end. Thanks for reading, everybody and if you leave a review, critique or what have you, I'll do my best to reply.

PS. This won't be any of the standard endings, but elements will be taken from them combined with my own hash of existentialism and transcendentalism.


End file.
